I saw that phrase once and never knew what it meant but I think I do now. I’m a 54 year old female and I just don’t know how to live my life anymore. I know I’ve always had depression and anxiety, but now I can’t seem to do anything. I love reading but can’t focus anymore, I’m tired all the time, I eat when I have to and I worry all the time. Maybe this is a mid-life crises but it feels so much worse. I know I isolate, I don’t want to talk to anyone, I want to run away but I don’t know to where. Even if I wanted to talk to someone, there just isn’t anyone.
A couple months ago I lost my job at the library which I loved but couldn’t get to work because I was constantly worried about my 26 year old son. He graduated from college and is trying to find himself, but is floundering, getting tickets, not working – he was doing drugs, but I think he stopped. I constantly worry if he’s okay, constantly in fear something will happen to him – I know this isn’t normal.
And me, I don’t know if it’s too late for me to do anything meaningful with my life. I’m fairly intelligent but never finished college – I simply don’t know what to do with anything. I’m lost. No money, no job, living with parents(one has Alzheimers), need to leave, need a change, need a life. I’m reading books by the Dalai Lama, taking Paxil, have no counselor, trying meditation and yoga – every day just feels the same. The friends I thought I made – no one’s called.
The thing is I know no one can do this for me, I just can’t seem to do it either. And running away seems such a good option, but to where and who and without any money.
I don’t know how to change this, I don’t know where to go, what to do. I’m not married- I’ve been a single mom for years. If anyone out there has any suggestions of what to do when you get bogged down like this , please, please tell me, I’m so sad all the time , I’ve made such a mess of things, what do I do?