My oncologist has wanted to start a personal Relationship

Posted by cancerchick1 @cancerchick1, Jul 9, 2022

My oncologist has wanted to start a secret personal Relationship with me And did an unnecessary intimate exam that he didn’t document and wasn’t necessary and without a chaperone. He denies it all but I have all his texts saved. I am in the process of working with the state medical board because the hospital won’t investigate because his fiancée is chief of staff. I know it sounds like a dateline episode but I am mentally devastated. I left the cancer center and all my support post chemo. Anyone else had anything crazy like this?

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@cancerchick1 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. How devastating for you, mentally, emotionally and physically. Are you able to align yourself with a support group of any kind, perhaps through your family and friends, or faith community? A local wellness center?

Good for you for reporting to the state medical board. Also go to your county medical board. If the hospital doesn't want to address the situation, you may get a response from them if you investigate local media [TV or newspaper] as an outlet to let others know of your experience. Have you considered asking a lawyer for some advice how to proceed? It is malpractice and could be a civil lawsuit in addition to possible criminal charges. There may indeed be additional victims, just as traumatized as yourself.

How are you today? Please keep a journal or notes written down as you traverse this. They could well be additional evidence in the case of a lawsuit, and will also serve to help purge yourself of the feelings that come up.
Ginger

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@cancerchick1, No one should have to go through what happened to you. I think @gingerw has some good suggestions and I'm wondering if this site will provide some additional help or support for you.

Sexual Abuse by Medical Professionals: https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-abuse-medical-professionals

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Wow, there are probably few things scarier than a terrible abuse of power by someone in a position of authority. Maybe the only good part is that this is something that has happened to others who went public so it's not totally unheard of anymore. And you're not alone though it probably feels that way.

A friend of mine got through a traumatic situation by reminding herself that 'mood follows action.' It helped her to continue to make progress, by taking action, on the bleakness days. And sometimes she was most productive on those days in retrospect which surprised her when she looked back. The moderators' suggestions will help. And anything that can write down, or paint or sketch, can help you log all of the facts in one dossier for future reference without having to rethink or re-experience it.

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OMG! No, never that but I worked part-time for a psychiatrist as a transcriber for two weeks, came down with thes flu at his office and he touched me inappropiately at my desk. That was back in the 1970's! I quit even I really needed the money.

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As if dealing with cancer is not enough. So sorry this happened to you and if to you then most likely happened to many others also. He probably has got away with it before so he felt empowered to act on his desires. Got to say it "what a jerk". I hope he loses his position no matter how good a doctor he is and giving this behavior makes me wonder just how good a doctor he really is. I pray for you that this is settled quickly before he has abused someone else.

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I hope you find a professional therapist for help.

As someone else said, I doubt you are his only victim.

Laurie

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Get an attorney and have them take some of the stress off you, also you will know that this is being addressed.
I am really sorry. Sounds like you did the right thing though by contacting the medical board.

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@johnbishop

@cancerchick1, No one should have to go through what happened to you. I think @gingerw has some good suggestions and I'm wondering if this site will provide some additional help or support for you.

Sexual Abuse by Medical Professionals: https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-abuse-medical-professionals

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I too have been molested by a doctor. At the time I knew what he was doing but failed to take action as I was only a young teenager. It was during an eye exam and he definitely was very close and rubbing up against me in a lurid way.

I once mentioned this to my mom when I said that I didn't like him but she didn't do anything.

Abuse of power should be a deadly sin when used against children.

@cancerchick1 I applaud you for taking action. I hope that you can put this aside while you are dealing with your cancer so that you can keep your spirits up. If you can't please seek counseling. Ginger's recommendation of writing everything down and keeping a daily journal will help.

I hope that the days ahead are your best!

Merry

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That's terrible. Find another doctor.

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