My husband cannot quit sorting through and moving his personal things.

Posted by labrown @labrown, Apr 7 6:50am

I have found that whenever I leave my husband alone for a few minutes, he wanders into the bedroom and begins sorting through all of his personal belongings. He goes into his closet and he moves everything in his walk-in closet around, trying to compact it into as small of an area as he can. He pulls things out and lays them on the bed so he can determine where to move them to. He has also taken everything that he has out of the dresser drawers and the night stand drawers. He never goes into my closet nor does he try to remove my things from my drawers. It’s like he doesn’t want anything personal. The bedroom area is the only place he does this in the house. I have to go behind him and move things back or put them in my closet or drawers so I can find them when needed. When I ask him why he feels the need to do this his he says to keep “them” from stealing everything. He is very paranoid that there are people here, in and around our home, that want to hurt him or steal from him. He does the same in our outside storage area and barn. He is moving or hiding everything…needless to say life at our house is very disorganized and I can’t even find simple tools anywhere…
I have read of and know this behavior is normal in the world of dementia, but how long will he stay in this phase? He is wearing me down. When he is in this mindset there is no redirecting him. He is in year four of his official diagnosis.

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elliottw | @elliottw | Apr 8 8:51am

I call it Amanda's 'Glass Menagerie' after the Tennessee Williams play. For the last three days she's taken all the coffee cups, plates, glasses, and dishes out of the cabinets and lines them up on the countertop. Then she will put some of them back. Makes it hard to prepare dinner, but I cubby out enough space. I prefer this quirk over wandering out of the house and fits of anger.

wctdoc1943 | @wctdoc1943 | Apr 8 9:05am

In reply to @susansdog "My husband spends hour on the couch sorting out envelopes. Does anyone ewkate?" + (show)

@susansdog My wife works crossword puzzles all day and all night until she hits the bed. She "cheats" by looking at the answers and filling in the first letter of every response. She goes through a couple of books per week ($6-$10 each).

susansdog | @susansdog | Apr 8 10:16am

At least they keep busy.

4goakley Kathy | @4goakley | Apr 9 6:49am

OR …..the opposite….
Install a lock on HIS closet to keep his things "safe".
He can have the key , but you keep a spare one .

labrown | @labrown | Apr 9 7:22am

In reply to @teacher502 "Hi! This behavior is very normal and yes, it makes a lot more work for the..." + (show)

@teacher502

Hi! This behavior is very normal and yes, it makes a lot more work for the caregiver. My sweet hubby did the exact same thing, to include packing clothes as if a deployment was imminent. Eventually, he began to go into my drawers, taking out clothes and sometimes trying them on or packing them. He then began going into my closet, and he was taking all of the clothes off of the hangers and sometimes would emerge with my clothes on! ( He has lost over 75lbs and is very thin.) I bought a small, inexpensive storage drawer, placed it on the floor of my closet and took my clothes out of the dresser and put them in it. I also bought a good quality combination door knob for the closet. These two things alone have saved my sanity many times.
A side bonus of the combination lock is that we have a place to securely place valuables. Currently we have four around the clock caregivers and two part time ones. They are all honest and amazing. However, before them, we had what we thought were dependable caregivers but I had a pair of expensive earrings that were never found, and they had huge sentimental value. ( My hubby gave them to me...they were emeralds - his birthstone. Since he did not buy expensive things I am surprised he survived the purchase!) Now, I don't have to worry about the other valuables as I place them in the closet and enjoy the combination lock.
As he began to move furniture, etc. , I simply moved items to a storage room or another bedroom with a lock. As for the rest of the house, I am years behind in re-organizing since I took care of him alone for about 6 years. One day, there will be time- but for now, I am choosing to share in his journey for as long as God allows and to heck with the cluttered areas.
Today, however, I wish for those times where he was creating chaos, walking, feeding/dressing himself and wish I had laughed about them a bit more as his health greatly changed quickly. Last Saturday, he was slow jogging around our back yard and Monday night, as the caregiver and I were cleaning him, something happened and he could no longer walk. She had to literally carry/drag him to the bed. It was soon discovered that he had a severe UTI. He has not walked since Monday night (9 days ago at this count), and I have been told he may never regain what he has lost. I realize this is another sign of decline and even though he is very different...this is the man I have always loved and the love is still as strong as ever. It is my desire to stay strong and determined, to provide the best care until the end and to encourage him as much as possible.
I would suggest, if it is possible, that you think about hiring someone, even if it is only a few hours a day to follow him around and redirect or pick up after him. It might take a few people before you find the right one, but as he declines, he will be familiar with this caregiver. If you can find the "almost perfect person" now, it will make the transition to more hours easier. I am hoping things settled down a bit for you - no one can ever tell how their life will change when there is a type of dementia diagnosis.....we simply do the best we can each day, hope for some rest at night, and try again the next day. Love and hugs to all....

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@teacher502 Your response had so many ideas and things to think on. I am sorry for your husband’s set back and will be praying that he is able to walk again soon.

labrown | @labrown | Apr 9 7:30am

In reply to @judimahoney "@labrown Do you want to bother installing locks on doors you don't want him to open?" + (show)

@judimahoney Good idea, but, knowing my hubby he would destroy any locks that he felt were installed to keep him out.

labrown | @labrown | Apr 9 7:56am

In reply to @4goakley "OR …..the opposite…. Install a lock on HIS closet to keep his things "safe". He can..." + (show)

@4goakley That might be a very good idea. I would have to have numerous keys made…to replace the ones he misplaces😊

susanpremo | @susanpremo | Apr 9 12:47pm

My husband goes into the pantry looking through things, it’s mostly food items. I do sort of follow him but just a turn of my head, to see what he’s up to. Or he’ll be outdoors and move things around out there. I was annoyed, but I then I figured I can take care of those things another day. It’s these things that they seem to enjoy doing so I’m just going to let it go, I’ll just make sure he’s safe.

teacher502 | @teacher502 | Apr 9 4:56pm

In reply to @labrown "@teacher502 Your response had so many ideas and things to think on. I am sorry for..." + (show)

@labrown ...thank you! ❤️

teacher502 | @teacher502 | Apr 9 5:00pm

In reply to @labrown "@judimahoney Good idea, but, knowing my hubby he would destroy any locks that he felt were..." + (show)

@labrown..we installed Kwikset locks from Lowes. They have taken a lot of rough treatment from my hubby, and he can't break it, take it apart, or figure out the combination! It has held for over 8 months and given me a lot of peace.