My husband cannot quit sorting through and moving his personal things.

my hubby started to go thru his stuff also to "reorganize" or keeps his things "safe" and got me very frustrated as well. This was 3 years into his diagnosis. He didn't want anyone to take his stuff either. And it was mostly HIS stuff that he would do this with. At first, he wouldn't let me have anything to do with his stuff, like put it away or move it, etc., once he started to "see" what he had and what to do with it. He would voice his frustrations to me and say things like "THATS MINE!" and I'd always remind him that "yes, it IS yours" but i'm just gonna move it over here cuz I need this space for a minute" and he'd almost always be okay with that and he'd go onto something else. I realized at the end of the day as long as he wasn't hurting anyone or anything and it was something he enjoyed, I'd let him have that. Because it wasn't long before he lost interest in "reorganizing or keeping things safe" and he would focus on something else, and once i got him into bed I would roam the house and see what really needed to be put back in place or just leave it alone. He was like a kid who was curious about things, whether they were his or someone else's. So the one thing I HAD to do was lock up our meds so there would be no accidents. It was about this same time that I took over his medication regimen. I also locked up anything else I didn't want him messing with and if he couldn't get the cupboard or drawer open, he would just move on and not really question it. You may have caught on that i'm talking about this AND him in the past tense, because yes, he is no longer here. He passed away not too long ago and just wanted to share a little of my experience about this and what helped me get thru some of my challenging days. I give hugs to all you who are struggling with this... just remember patience because your loved one didn't ask for any of this and he can't control some of the things he does, Whether it makes sense or not.
Love,Strength an Peace

@bayviewgal Thank you for your words of wisdom, and I am sorry for the loss of your husband. Yesterday, I straightened my husband’s closet up and it looked nice and organized for the first time in a while. Today, he got in there and proceeded to move things to where he wanted them. He is happy when he is working in there. It gives him something to do, and while his interest is so focused on his task I can get some things done too. It’s a win win! 😊

@susanpremo I'm happy to hear how you are handling these things. I had to learn patience with these things and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. My attitude towards my hubby "reorganizing" or moving things around , etc., was that as long as he wasn't hurting anyone or himself it wasn't that big of a deal. My hubby lost interest in a lot of things as the years moved on and he didn't have the same joy on his face as he did before dementia took over, so if all this made him happy, I let him have those moments. 🙂

@labrown
I’ve recently become a caregiver for my mother who has been exceptionally independent and highly organized efficient etc As a mother daughter growing up we were best friends- actually too emeshed 🙄 I too have noticed every nite her need to rearrange her jewelry, all her paperwork pacing about looking for things? She wants me in charge of her finances etc so I help her rearrange her wallet and paperwork only to be lashed out at later and everything moved around again in the morning
she’s getting testing ct scan brain and carotid artery on the 20th the neurologist after that for further testing I know she’s terrified I’m scared for her and me lol it helps to know others experience these things AND I want to know how to respond to the insistence she hasn’t moved anything around and how to keep her calm I try to stay focused on her feelings and not if I’m right That has helped validating her feelings in the midst of the outbursts Again hopefully medication can assist in some of these symptoms thanks for listening Llsmith211

@llsmith211 My husband also does not remember when he moves or hides things. I use to argue with him trying to convince him, but as I have learned more, I know that arguing is useless and it just makes both of us angrier. I now say I don’t know what happened to the moved or missing item…a lot, and I will suggest we look around for whatever has mysteriously disappeared. That seems to calm him down and usually I can redirect him at that point and the crisis passes. Does it always work? No, but most of the time it does.
Today was not a good day. He woke up like he was in a different world and accused me of having been away all night (I wasn’t, I was right there in the bed with him) but regardless he was leaving. I stayed calm while he was gathering his things to go. I asked him where he was going and how was he going to get there and did I need to call someone or take him somewhere? He had no answers, but he proceeded to carry all of his shoes out to the front porch…I told him someone would get them if he didn’t bring them back in, but he ignored me. I later went out and brought them back in and put them somewhere different than his closet…anyway, the look on his face was priceless when he decided to bring them back in and they were gone. Maybe he will remember that if he tries to put anything else out. I will put his shoes back in his closet this week when he goes to Respite. He won’t remember the ordeal today, but I was proud of myself for staying calm and handling things better than I have in the past. We are all in this together and we learn from each other through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Try to be patient with your mom even when it is very hard…we have to bite our tongues a lot. 😊

labrown,
My husband does similar things. One time he took everything from one drawer of his dresser and put the things in the backseat of the car. He has taken things from his bathroom drawers and put them in a box. He often thinks he is in the wrong house, so I think he is getting ready to move. His paranoia has gotten worse. Whenever he has trouble finding something he blames all those other people in our house. No one else lives with us. He has hidden his cell phone many times. This is hard to believe but one time I actually found his cell phone in his pillowcase on our bed also he has hidden his cane in our car. I have spent many hours hunting for things that he has hidden. I just hate Alzheimer's.

Wow, this helps me to realize I'm not alone with this loopy lu in my house! I have made our guest room and bathroom my own over the last 2 years and boy does that help!! He can do whatever in "his" room, however his drawer in the kitchen is a constant visiting spot for him where his glasses, wallet and keys are. So far, he can still drive to swim & come home. His sister is 4 years older than him and in full dementia in a facility so I feel lucky right now but am holding my breath as to when I will have to do more and there's no way we can afford a facility.
I watched my sister go through hell for 10 years where 8 of those her hubby was in a facility but it just never ended until he died. I pray for patience constantly and work at detaching from his energy. Tapping has been a big help along with exercise, eating right, getting sleep, meditation etc. I can't change what he does or says - I can only work at my own response and my own mental health. This Mayo clinic sight is nice to have. Blessings to all dealing with an MCI spouse!!🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

@labrown Thank you - Your one sentence about being proud of yourself for staying calm and handling things better than you had in the past was comforting to read. I have days I can respond in calm and then out of the blue, he does or says something that can send me into a rage. However, after the last rage, I decided I will NOT let him do this to me ever again. I will walk away, I will run to the Lord in prayer (always the best option!) or do a tapping episode acknowledging my frustration but loving and accepting myself anyway, etc. Thanks also for reminding me we are all in this together - just like Whoopie always reminds us! 💕🙏

@katrina123 Sounds like my life. You have others living with you too? It's better that he blames others for taking and hiding his things than blaming you. You can always be the good wife in offering to help look for the missing items. Every Sunday I pull out my husband's wedding ring for him to wear to church. He is always so amazed that I find it. He doesn't realize that I put it up so that it is safe all week. He lost it one time last year and it was about six months before we stumbled across it. My husband also hides things in his pillowcase and everywhere else. The cell phone has disappeared completely so unless we happen to stumble across it that's one less thing to look for. Alzheimer's is tough...for them and us!

Dear @labrown

I used to think that one of the members of my local caregiver group was lucky because her husband happily organized his many plant seeds for hours every day. The previous responders to your post have shared great ideas about how they have dealt with similar "re-arrangement of items". But what I tuned into in your post was this: "When I ask him why he feels the need to do this his he says to keep “them” from stealing everything. He is very paranoid that there are people here, in and around our home, that want to hurt him or steal from him." I am so sorry to hear this. It must be very disturbing to him.

My whole approach to the 16 years of Alzheimer's that we have lived through has been to keep my husband from feeling the negative effects of the illness. My approach has been to increasingly structure his days so that he is always carried along on a set of pleasant events or moments. This way, as the Alzheimer's-driven confusion increased, he was never left to stew in that confusion, or the dark thoughts that the confusion seemed to engender. I wonder if more distraction would drive out some of the paranoia. I understand that this puts more of a burden on you, but if you turn this campaign of positive distraction into activities that BOTH of you enjoy, there is a huge ( potentially even life altering ) double benefit: He avoids the paranoia and you get enjoyment time, which, I suspect is not abundant in your life right now. Of course, if you can dole out some of the distraction/enjoyment activities to other friends or hired companions, you can also gain some peaceful work or rest time for yourself.

Let me say that my husband's symptoms have not included paranoia. (For a brief time he started to feel afraid, but I was able to change that because it stemmed from a particular set of interactions that I could stop for him). A brief amount of reading on this indicates that the recommendation for treating paranoia is therapy and medication. Therapy is probably not an option at this stage (and the Pleasant Moments "'treatment" above may be the nearest substitute). But you may want to talk to his doctor about medication. This disease robs our loved ones of so much; it is terrible to think that pain like this paranoia is what it 'gifts' instead.

Wishing you and your husband all the best.