My first post, no one to talk to

Welcome to the this site. You are free to say whatever is bothering you. I am a Caregiver and I am dealing with anger and all sorts of different issues. My spouse has Parkinsons and he is in Stage 3 going into 4. I empathize with you. Most of us can say we never thought it could happen to us. Suddenly you are doing things you never expected or thought of! I would say remind yourself that you are not the problem. But you are her person as you go through this journey of a brain disorder. I have been at this since 2013. They always blame, call you names and be outright mean. Occasionally they are kind. 🫂

@yme2 your story sounds so familiar. Too many families have gone, or are going through the same.

Your wife is probably afraid, as you stated, and so are you. Fear is contagious.
YouTube has many wonderful videos you can watch for ways to handle this. One is “Dementia Careblazers”, also Teepa Snow’s videos, and others.

My suggestion for you and your son is to contact the Alzheimer’s Assoc. They can provide you with resources for yourself and your wife.
Also you can ask for help from a Neurologist.

I have Mild Cognitive Impairment. I’m have mild symptoms right now, but I feel things starting to change.

yme2, you are so precisely what I value about life.
I'd suggest that you not challenge her on unimportant things (like when she fed the pet). If you need to talk to your son about her be careful that she doesn't hear you or suspect. Always be on her side. Make concessions to her reality otherwise she can feel betrayed by you.
She could have the beginnings of dementia, but it sounds as though she might be having normal memory loss. I'm your same age and I forget similar things sometimes, the same way I did when I was ten years old, only now it concerns me. People with dementia can have mood swings, but people without dementia have mood swings.
Have you romanced her lately. Do you have a list of all the things she likes and has liked. Is there music from the days when you were young and in love. How many years have you been married.
Why does it scare you that she is talking about dying and afterlife. I would find it irritating, but when she does do you join in. Do you have a shared faith in an afterlife.
You are very attentive. Many people miss early signs of something amiss.
I'm not thinking my suggestions are helpful. They are just an excuse to tell you that is is wonderful to hear about the depth of your love.

I am so sorry that you are going through this thru this, I know it’s not uncommon, have heard many situations like this. I use to be a sitter for people that needed care like this. It is very taxing on the family. I would suggest you get support thru your doctors ( hers & your own ) personally if they are different. They should be able to give you guidance as to what to do. Have a doctor visit by your self. Then, seek out some counseling & a support group for Ailhimers ? & go to the group meetings. You are not alone, so many people are in the same situation you are in. I admire you for your dedication to her. Remember there is help, don’t give up in reaching out for help. God bless you & your family. Let us know how things are progressing.

Dear yme2-
Your sense of purposeful caring is beautiful, and can be a source of strength in difficulty.
Please search through as many support groups as you can read on Mayo Connect, learning ways that people have dealt with cognitive loss.
My number one advice is: Fall proof your house! Install grab bars everywhere they might stop a fall, remove or glue down all loose rugs, make sure all furniture is strong and stable, and so on. You may need to catch yourself and your wife to prevent falls. (As I've aged a bit, my grab bars and stable furniture have saved me several times.)
Please take good care of yourself.
Ed

I am going through the exact same experience. My husband , 73, has been diagnosed with MCI and early onset Alzheimer’s. I noticed small changes for a few years and requested his doctor do a cognitive test. He scored 13/30 on the MoCA test. For the past to years he has consistently had the same score.
We were referred to a neurologist who prescribed Aricept and I started him on Membrin as a supplement. This combination seems to help him focus.
The neurologist suggested we see a neuropsychologist but my husband refuses. He will not tell our adult daughters or his trusted friends. Everyone can tell he is not the same person and has cognitive issues. He is not fooling anyone but himself. I have been his shield and taken up more household tasks to keep our lives running smoothly.
My husband had a minimal social life and will not reach out to friends.
In early July, I slipped on the bathroom floor and had to have surgery to reattach my hamstrings to my pelvis. During the entire process I had to explain to the nurses and medical staff that my husband has MCI. I would not let the surgeons discharge me until our daughter arrived. I was not getting a car for two hours with that man.
I am on crutches until mid September. I have to give step by step instructions to my husband for anything that I need. A glass of water request produced a glass of ice. He heats our dinner, then sits down and eats his. I have to constantly remind him that I cannot carry a thing. Yesterday, he brought my meals to the table and then forgot utensils. I just have to keep laughing or ai will cry.
He cannot follow through or stay on task long enough to assist me.
The paranoia came to a head when I told him that in home care was going to come clean once a week. My husband told me that if we were going to have a stranger in the house then he was moving out.
Our youngest laughed and said, “Who is going to fill out the paperwork for you?” Even then he did not realize she knew that he is cognitively compromised.
Our daughters came, each for a week, and live out of town and I am not going to ask them to come back. Once I use up all the food in the fridge and freezer, I will have the in home care aide prep meals for us.
Three things that I suggest is to look into your local aging agencies, use in home care, and read the 36 Hour Day by Nancy Mace, MA and Peter V Rabins, MD,MPH.
My husband cannot drive the grandkids around and I have to queue him every step of the way. He drives independently around town, but that is it.
You are not alone and keep posting on this forum. This disease is not kind to the care givers.

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. My husband is 95 & I am 86. He has dementia and like you we have always been inseparable. See if there is a senior center who might give some advice, or county health services. Caregiving a love one is difficult. My husband wakes me up in the middle of the night looking for me. At times he doesn’t even know who I am and later he does. Her actions to you could be she doesn’t know who you are. Hide the keys to the car. You might have to lie for her own safety. Tell her she lost her set. My husband was careless with his wallet. I removed all important cards so when he finally lost it I wasn’t concerned.
When he fell, I was told for them to get on all fours, knees and hands then placing foot on floor .from there assist helping for them to stand erect. I help at the last stage by pulling on his belt. You feel alone but remember the good times. Re tell some of the trips or things that brought both of you enjoyment. Try and get out of the house. Go for a drive (you driving) pick up an order of food or just around town, to a park or walk the mall. Best of luck on this journey of care giving.

Yme2,
Welcome to the Mayo Clinic message board! For your first post you've gotten some excellent responses. I think you will find the caregivers here are very supportive and while we would like to understand the illogical and the inconsistent behaviors, and we have a tendency to beat ourselves up, eventually we learn to accept the condition and can only do our best. It is one day at a time but there are 'little wins.'

What does MCI mean? I am so sorry you are going thru this terrible situation, I’m with you. Take care of yourself. Blessings.

There is an app to put on your phone to put things like wallet, keys etc. To know where they are & my daughter’s husband has these issues with Parkinson’s & it has brought a lot of peace for her to have this. Blessings