My early morning optimism fades to irritation and resentment

Posted by chris20 @chris20, Oct 15 7:56am

I start each day feeling upbeat but as I spend my day being shadowed and questioned constantly, scrutinized, and acting as a human calendar and clock and memory chip a hundred times a day or more, I am silently frustrated and angry by bedtime. I am sleep deprived and mentally exhausted. I have tried numerous remedies and gathered insights and ideas, but to no avail. Right now it's a pretty bleak outlook. There is little or no help from other family members, who have adamantly refused to take her to their home for even a week. They don't want to make her feel uncomfortable (separation anxiety if she is apart from me). I know, I am whining. All I can do is vent right now.

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Have you tried praying? Ask GOD to give you more patience ! Sadly help or getting help doesn’t always come . Even when people say they “ are there for you “ inwardly they are probably glad it’s you and not them stuck where you are ! Just remember that deep inside you are the person who counts for the one who has the sickness ! Keep telling yourself that you need to keep being strong ! LORD please keep this person strong 💪!!

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Chris, I am sorry you feel alone but we are here for you, especially when you vent, as we do the same.
There are Stephen Ministers you could ask for from a local Lutheran church and you do not have to be a member. They can help you with your issues and spend time with your loved one, giving you respite.
Or call Senior Services in your county and they can help you out with information and visits from volunteers.
I hope you will take advantage of the many resources sources available to you.
Prayers for your Serenity.

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@janet7

Chris, I am sorry you feel alone but we are here for you, especially when you vent, as we do the same.
There are Stephen Ministers you could ask for from a local Lutheran church and you do not have to be a member. They can help you with your issues and spend time with your loved one, giving you respite.
Or call Senior Services in your county and they can help you out with information and visits from volunteers.
I hope you will take advantage of the many resources sources available to you.
Prayers for your Serenity.

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Thank you so much for this warm response. In fact I am a member of LCMS and attend church and Bible study every week. I also perform live gospel music for local nursing homes frequently. I had not heard of Stephen Ministry, I will check that out.

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@slysi

Have you tried praying? Ask GOD to give you more patience ! Sadly help or getting help doesn’t always come . Even when people say they “ are there for you “ inwardly they are probably glad it’s you and not them stuck where you are ! Just remember that deep inside you are the person who counts for the one who has the sickness ! Keep telling yourself that you need to keep being strong ! LORD please keep this person strong 💪!!

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Thank you for this. In church this morning the sermon was about praying more often, and more fervently, and so it seems prayer may well be the answer, although I have been praying and meditating and writing a gratitude list every morning for a couple of years now. It's how I get through the challenges. The idea of more often and more fervently strikes a chord. As Emmet Fox used to say, "Prayer changes things."

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@chris20 You sound so dispirited and exhausted. I know that other members will come to your assistance soon. Have you given any thought to respite care in a nursing home for a week or so? You really need some time to yourself. Would any of the family members be willing to come to your house for an afternoon just so you could get away?
And you know, you have every right to whine—that’s what MCC is for! You need a break.
How long have you been a caretaker?

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@becsbuddy

@chris20 You sound so dispirited and exhausted. I know that other members will come to your assistance soon. Have you given any thought to respite care in a nursing home for a week or so? You really need some time to yourself. Would any of the family members be willing to come to your house for an afternoon just so you could get away?
And you know, you have every right to whine—that’s what MCC is for! You need a break.
How long have you been a caretaker?

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Yes, I have thought of respite care, but she panics at any mention of such things. I have been performing gospel music at some nursing homes, and she accompanies me on these occasions, which may lessen her fear of being placed in such facilities. Two of our children come to visit every three months or so, which helps. Anti depressants and anti psychotic medications, along with dysphasia medication and various others have kept her functional, aside from nearly total loss of short term memory and cognitive issues. She does attend church and Bible study with me regularly, although she doesn't participate or enjoy it, and resists all the Dr and dentist visits and health procedures, but we get them done anyway.
Thank you for your concern and for your ideas, it means a lot.

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@chris20

Yes, I have thought of respite care, but she panics at any mention of such things. I have been performing gospel music at some nursing homes, and she accompanies me on these occasions, which may lessen her fear of being placed in such facilities. Two of our children come to visit every three months or so, which helps. Anti depressants and anti psychotic medications, along with dysphasia medication and various others have kept her functional, aside from nearly total loss of short term memory and cognitive issues. She does attend church and Bible study with me regularly, although she doesn't participate or enjoy it, and resists all the Dr and dentist visits and health procedures, but we get them done anyway.
Thank you for your concern and for your ideas, it means a lot.

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@chris20 Have you seen this study that Mayo Clinic is doing? You might be the perfect
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/seeking-current-and-former-family-caregivers/. participant.
What do you do to take care of yourself? That is so important!

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I will check out the study, thanks for sending it. I have about two hours of private, personal time in the mornings from 6:00 to 8:00 which I use for meditation, prayer and a variety of brain exercises and exploring ideas online. My music is a comfort and a great blessing. My daily workout routine takes about an hour, although I can't do outside running anymore since my wife would be unable to respond to any personal emergency situations, so I do treadmill running, a stretching routine and weight machine work. I have beautiful flower gardens that I enjoy working on and in. I also take care of my lawn plus the parsonage next door and the church. So I am quite active and productive despite having the constant caregiving. I have been sober for 39 years which is certainly a blessing, thank God. Sorry to ramble, thanks for caring!

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I hear you, Chris. You can contact stephenministries.org to find a church near you that has a Stephen Ministry program, I had a Stephen Minister when I was diagnosed and treated for prostate cancer. Now I am a Stephen Minister at my local Methodist church. Another avenue you might explore is the nationally based program powerfultoolsforcaregivers.org. Many of their free classes are offered online. The only cost is $30 to buy the textbook. I went thru the six-week class when I was a caregiver for 12 years for my elderly parents, which made a huge difference. Take care.

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@tim1028

I hear you, Chris. You can contact stephenministries.org to find a church near you that has a Stephen Ministry program, I had a Stephen Minister when I was diagnosed and treated for prostate cancer. Now I am a Stephen Minister at my local Methodist church. Another avenue you might explore is the nationally based program powerfultoolsforcaregivers.org. Many of their free classes are offered online. The only cost is $30 to buy the textbook. I went thru the six-week class when I was a caregiver for 12 years for my elderly parents, which made a huge difference. Take care.

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@chris20 and @tim1028 Here is the actual link for Powerful Tools for Caregivers.
https://www.powerfultoolsforcaregivers.org/what-we-do/
@tim1028 this was a great suggestion! And you felt that the class was worthwhile?
Maybe give the site a look @chris20 and see if there is anything that will be helpful.

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