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Married Men and Sex

Posted by Anonymous-aeaf6ea1 in Men's Health, Nov 25, 2011

Does anyone think there is anything wrong with a married man having fantasy life about other woman?

Tags: mental health, Other, mens health, sexual health, womens health

China likes this
sykes1973

Posted by @sykes1973, Nov 25, 2011

Yea, it's wrong. Fantasy may become reality someday.so don't go there!

v

Posted by @v, Dec 3, 2011

Could you elaborate at how you came to your brilliant deduction?

powerofpositive

Posted by @powerofpositive, Dec 3, 2011

Sure, I worked in womens health for many years, talking openly with people (patients as well as close friends an relatives...about many intimate issues.) Funny how some people are ok so harsh and condeming...usually that is out of fear or guilt with themselfs...Imagination has more than likely saved alot of relationships. It is a human trait, not all have or utilize it but be accepting of it. Have you ever imagined anything? My guess is that the way your reacting to this is a resounding YES.

Posted by Anonymous-ad5c3fcf, Dec 3, 2011

I do not agree, being one who has done things society does not accept through running fantas's for years. Things are never as good as fantasies make it seem.
I have spent time behind bars partially attributed to loss of control and trying to full fill fantasy. I am now looking back over a long life and allot of it spent in fantasy, it is a wasted time. Reality is so much more truthful and full filling, more vibrant and enjoyable, it is what brings life to how we live.

powerofpositive

Posted by @powerofpositive, Dec 3, 2011

Let's be a bit more realistic. You had /have control problems, most of us do not to the extent of breaking the law. Hey what ever works for you now appears to keep your impulses under control...good thing it sounds like.
But your inclination to spend so much time in fantasy land is/was abnormal. Most people have very sporatic visits there and it harms no one. Objectivity is helpful with harsh views.....temprance too. Good Luck.

mentalhealthnut

Posted by @mentalhealthnut, Dec 11, 2011

I have had a wife that had a sexual relationship in a fantasy type of way with another man for a year and a half. The fantasy during the relationship was almost abusive. Fantasies, to some extent are real, but when someone lets them take over a relationship it can be devestating. Many times during the most wonderful parts of our intimate moments, my wifes mind seemed to be elsewhere. We suffered a terrible separation and I am still realing from the effects. Even though I thought the relationship was ok to a certain extent, I always felt violated. I am not sure how to explain how something in a relationship changes, but one can tell. It is a hard road to follow when someone leaves the relationship to pursue something else.

sweetlady1155 likes this

Posted by Anonymous-aeaf6ea1, Dec 13, 2011

Your wife's mind seemed to be elsewhere because it was. You were wrong to think the relationship was ok, the man just used your wife and she has paid a royal price I am certain. Maybe you should consider the reasons that your wife would possibly consider having a fantasy instead of being there with you. I don't think alot of men are very sensitive to the needs of their wives. I also don't think alot of men care more for their wives than they do their self interests. Put yourself in your wife's shoes sometime and think about it.

sweetlady1155 likes this
mentalhealthnut

Posted by @mentalhealthnut, Dec 13, 2011

Gosh. I wish I could think that it is one sided. I appreciate the response though. But in the interest of the relationship, I was somewhat weirded out by the whole thing. I don't know what more that I could have done other than show my affection and how much I care. I think the who relationship, knowing that we are now getting a divorce, was based on sexuality. It was kind of like a sickness. I had my own issues to deal with - mental health wise - but with the way that things went, it was like I was being taught a lesson. I just don't understand the circumstances why a fantasy and a fantasy person would be so much more attractive than being with your partner in real life - to the point of alienating the person you love. Strange. But it is a real life situation. Unfortunately, we have both decided to move on. It was for the best, but not without a lot of heartache - due to the natural tendency to be with another person after so long.

Anonymous likes this

Posted by Anonymous-aeaf6ea1, Dec 19, 2011

I'm sorry your marriage is ending, I think you are better off without a woman that is fantasizing about another man when she is with you. For whatever reason she did so, it is much healthier mentally for both of you to be away from one another. I don't think people that truly love one another fantasize about others. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I'd like to believe that healthy men and women partners can love one another for who they are and not get caught up in some sexual addiction with a fantasy. I personally think that the only reason people get into the fantasy sex is because they are trying to make themselves feel better. Orgasms make people feel good. Some people are addicted to them just like some people are addicted to drugs or alcohol. Sexual addiction is common in our society. I don't think it means everyone that has fantasy sex has an addiction, just that it is not a normal loving partnership if one practices the fantasy sex because they are either not in love with their partner or have some sort of anger towards them that prohibits them from loving them.

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nativefloridian

Posted by @nativefloridian, Dec 24, 2011

Sorry to read of your plight. Maybe you were being punished. My husband punished me for a long time before I realized it. Unfortunately, things didn't work out.

Posted by Anonymous-aeaf6ea1, Dec 13, 2011

You felt violated because you were.

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roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 26, 2012

Healthy fantasies I like that.

Posted by Anonymous-aeaf6ea1, Dec 9, 2011

I agree that reality is the best place to be. Although a married man and I had an emotional affair with lots of fantasy sex for over a year, it was very harmful to me and to him. I believe that the reality I experienced was the realization that my marriage was over. I am now going through marital separation and will be divorced soon. Although I think of the married man occasionally now, I realize that he is stuck in a very unhappy marriage and is basically, going to live out his life believing the lies he chooses to tell himself. I prefer to face reality, move on and find true love and sexual intimacy with a man that will be faithful to me (and not practice imaginative sex with himself while thinking of me). God knows that we are humans on this earth and we do need one another, we need to experience intimacy with another person in order to be fulfilled as a man or a woman.

Posted by Anonymous-ce6e52a2, Dec 9, 2011

My dream man would simply see everyone as soul, leaving sexuality out of it. Sex would be something solely with me to create a deeper sense of connection. Unfortunately, men are not built this way physically. And women have desires also. Until we shed these bodies they will always get in our way of true spirituality and respect for each other.

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nativefloridian

Posted by @nativefloridian, Dec 24, 2011

It is refreshing to read something that seems so honest and normal.

sweetlady1155 likes this
powerofpositive

Posted by @powerofpositive, Dec 3, 2011

No, it is not wrong, most people have them from time to time. As much as we love our spouses, we are human. As long as your ability to restrain from acting them out, there is no harm and your not being unfaithful "thinking" these thoughts.

v

Posted by @v, Dec 3, 2011

Absolutely not. It is a safe and healthy way to use the wonderful thing called "imagination". A human being unable to be free and limitlessly colorful within the realms of his or her own mind is guaranteed to be stunted in the reality world...and the likelihood of this harming him/herself and others is to one degree or another a certainty.

Posted by Anonymous-aeaf6ea1, Dec 9, 2011

I think you're fooling yourself about this being a 'safe and healthy' way to use the imagination. It harms you and others...the wife? Did we forget about her. Sad, but true. Marriage is a union, not a contract and not just an existence. Have courage, find reality in a loving relationship with true commitment and intimacy you deserve.

sweetlady1155 likes this

Posted by Anonymous-daf65540, Jan 2, 2012

would you feel the same if your wife expressed the same interests? i think not.

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drashok

Posted by @drashok, Feb 6, 2012

I would be suprised if someone told me he has never had a fantasy about other woman irrespective of marriage. Attraction and fantasy are normal biological reactions.
Pornography is also fantasy, which is popular recreation for millions of men and is harmless. Not to act on your particular fantasy is to respect society norms. If your fantasy is likely to consume you so much that you will one day be driven by temptation to act it out you are in a dangerous zone. If the fantasy is innocuous it is wise not to share with your spouse.

nativefloridian

Posted by @nativefloridian, Mar 23, 2012

Pornography is not harmless. I definitely disagree with that statement. Married men that view pornography are harming their relationships with their wives. It is degrading to women and not at all honoring a mate behaving in that way. Husbands don't realize how hurtful viewing pornography is to their wives.

china

Posted by @china, Mar 25, 2012

Fantasies can be healthy and acting on them means the time for a divorce has reared its head.

nativefloridian

Posted by @nativefloridian, Apr 24, 2012

Healthy in what respect?

iraku

Posted by @iraku, Apr 27, 2012

I do believe in the logic behind the marriage If we only reserve our sexual desire within our marriage then it means we do not place others into our sexual fantasy but we would want to explore our sexual relationship with our individual partner. That also would leads to another level of respects for man and woman to have a higher ground of what we should be thinking of others. In other words, a man should not think of a woman as a sexual objective that he could having a sexual fantasy towards her since she is not your wife. The woman is actually a mother of someone who they have much respect for. The woman who could be someone's love one. To fantasizing over someone does not need to be in a sexual way alone, a healthy fantasy then should not be a sexual thought since there is only limits for each one of us to have a sexual partner. This is all very much an idealist and only claims it's not wrong since I have done nothing that has happened in my mind, however, when we have a clear understanding about sex and marriage then we should know what exactly is the right or wrong thing to do. Practice makes perfect applies to all occasions.

china

Posted by @china, Apr 27, 2012

Nicely worded and I agree.

Posted by Anonymous-2d7c7e22, Apr 27, 2012

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anon44072867

Posted by @anon44072867, Jun 5, 2013

This is normal as you did not act out. Men are polygamous by nature women are not.

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