Loss of wife: Still having a hard time sleeping. Alone a lot.

I am so sorry Annie, I'm glad you're here and can share and not feel so alone. And yes, the anger and denial are very common and expected - at this stage especially. We all grieve on our own time and our own way and your feelings are always valid. Definitely do reach out on here, and if you are on social media at all, like facebook, there are groups you can join there too for people living with grief. Do what you can to surround yourself with people to talk to and don't let yourself become isolated. I promise you that there are so many people who care!

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I am trying to stay busy but can’t bear to be at home. The evenings and nights are so hard - but other things trigger tears. Falling asleep is hard but I seem to wake up at 2 or 3 in the morning and can’t get back to sleep. I cry then -

It’s been just over 6 weeks and it’s not getting better.

Maybe a support group is what I need but I also find it hard to talk to people

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Exactly how I feel after losing my wife 5 months ago. Do you have family close by? Any company helps. My Dr prescribed an anxiety med that seems to help falling to sleep. I tried without it last night until 3am then took it. Works in a short time.
I think evening are worse as your mind is not occupied and roams. Keep yourself busy as long as you can before bedtime.

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Thanks - I don’t have any family close but have some good friends here. I went to my hometown this past weekend and took some ashes with me to put at my families grave site. That helped a bit since he wanted to be buried there - with me. But the trip was bittersweet - saw some old friends but lots of sad moments, especially on the ride back.

I need to find things to do to keep busy and right now hate to spend time at home. Too many memories. I could use something to help me sleep but not really into taking drugs for fear of becoming dependent.

You’ve been struggling for five months - doesn’t seem to be getting easier. I want to have a celebration of his life, something that I know he’d enjoy. Have a hard time getting started to plan it, but don’t want to let too much time pass.

Praying that you’re better able to cope ... I appreciate that you shared your experience. It’s just not easy!

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Hi @mlenney167 and @jerrynord Your posts really rekindled memories for me. I lost my wife five years ago now and often still find trouble with my emotional equilibrium. NIghts are always worse, but I remind myself that all my life I'd been told your troubles always look worse in the dark. Plus the triggers keep occurring. Just the night before last I burst into tears during the Tom Rush concert over one of his songs (These Days). I was there with our daughter. Our grandsons laugh at me when I inevitably cry while watching any Disney movie with them.

I've quit trying to manage my grief emotions and instead focus on letting myself feel however the moment moves me. I've also learned to ignore those (usually well-meaning) folks who tell me how I should be grieving, how I should be feeling or reacting, or how I should be 'moving on'.

I've probably mentioned my 'To Do' list idea before, but JIC. I began a list of things I want to do and make sure I do at least one a day -- and never strike off the top item without adding a new one to the bottom of the list. Early on the items were tiny, now many still are, but I've also added some more complex ones. I enjoy the feelings of accomplishment they each bring, plus I like always having something to do in my future.

While certainly not for everyone I also added a rescue dog to my life, which has been a solid addition!

Strength, Courage, & Peace

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Hi @mlenney167 and @jerrynord Your posts really rekindled memories for me. I lost my wife five years ago now and often still find trouble with my emotional equilibrium. NIghts are always worse, but I remind myself that all my life I'd been told your troubles always look worse in the dark. Plus the triggers keep occurring. Just the night before last I burst into tears during the Tom Rush concert over one of his songs (These Days). I was there with our daughter. Our grandsons laugh at me when I inevitably cry while watching any Disney movie with them.

I've quit trying to manage my grief emotions and instead focus on letting myself feel however the moment moves me. I've also learned to ignore those (usually well-meaning) folks who tell me how I should be grieving, how I should be feeling or reacting, or how I should be 'moving on'.

I've probably mentioned my 'To Do' list idea before, but JIC. I began a list of things I want to do and make sure I do at least one a day -- and never strike off the top item without adding a new one to the bottom of the list. Early on the items were tiny, now many still are, but I've also added some more complex ones. I enjoy the feelings of accomplishment they each bring, plus I like always having something to do in my future.

While certainly not for everyone I also added a rescue dog to my life, which has been a solid addition!

Strength, Courage, & Peace

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I have thought about adding a pet but at 81 yrs old what do I do with it if I have to go somewhere like long trip, hospital etc so canceled that idea. I recently have taken up repainting small yard ornaments and hope it might progress to painting art inside. Got a bicycle yesterday that I should be able to ride in out small community with mild winters.
Talking to others that have lost loved ones many years ago. They say the sorrow never goes away and to keep doing things to keep busy even if it is calling someone on the phone.

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