Living Without You - My Brother's Gift of Life
I don’t think anyone can ever really be prepared for such a loss. It is just too much to try to wrap your head around until it happens. Even then, it can feel almost unreal.
“It was the most out of body experience to be watching one life leave us and go to his new home but the next three OR rooms around us were patients eagerly awaiting their renewed hope of life. I didn’t know if I wanted to let go or hang on. I pray they take great care of his life that lives on in them.”
My story, My younger brother was in a horrible accident. He was riding his 4 wheeler and a vehicle hit him and left him on Friday. The next 48 hours would be an out of body exspereince. I had delt with trauma and more specificly, brain trauma for many many years.
I didn’t know what to do or say or anything. I guess being a loved one for whatever reason, all of my exspereince and knowledge had completely disappeared when I needed it most.
Now what???? Go home and No more dirt tracked in by your work boots, no more fixing that broken door for the fiftieth time, no more laughter, no more meals that only you like.
The only thing that has gotten me through. The knowledge that God has forgiven your sins and you live on in peace with no pain. The knowledge that I will be gifted with the same promise when my time comes. The knowledge that when the time is right we will all be reunited.
I understand some things better than I did in the beginning, since I now know what it feels like to have no hope, no love, to feel all alone in a planet full of people. I know now what it feels like to want to end your life, how deep the sorrow and despair can go.
We must talk, to each other, we must share our feelings, we must know that whatever we are feeling we are not alone. I have learned not to judge, I have learned the blessing of giving a gift of life, I am learning to live again.
Gift of Life