Is anyone wore and tired of?

@lost55
To add to the above I just got blistered for 5 minutes that I took her face cream
hid it on purpose and am playing #%€>

I feel your pain - whenever he loses something (which is quite often) he starts looking everywhere, even in ridiculous places, for the item. Eventually he accuses me of throwing it out or the cleaning lady of stealing it! I used to get so angry at him because it was so unfair to accuse me, or the cleaning lady. I have learned to let it go - no amount of denying the accusation will convince him. So I take a step back and let him search for a while or even find the item myself and try to change his attention to something else. It’s so hard to swallow the anger at being unfairly accused. Now that I know it’s not him, but his brain not working correctly, I look at it that way and it helps a lot.

@lost55
Sundowning may also make things worse. Is she on any anti-anxiety meds to help calm her?
All the best to you. 🌺

This is such a difficult disease to cope with caring for. I am worn out trying to understand the disease because everyday is a snowflake. I try to play mental detective and experiment with responses that will work but there is nothing predictable. So, I have tried to shift my focus on understanding how I react. Why do I blow my top when I know they can't help how they act? Why do I blow my top when my 91 y/o Mom blocks her bedroom door with furniture and cries about how bad her shoulder hurts the next day? Is it because I'm not sleeping? Or, because most days feel like Chinese water torture to my brain? I recently learned about compassion fatigue. This is common for medical professionals but it is a very real condition caretakers wrestle with. There is good info on the web about how to identify it and how to try to manage it. We cannot change the person we care for but we can try to understand how they are changing us. Bottom-line, it is crazy hard. Sharing in forums like this is helpful to a.) Know you are not alone and b.) Get helpful insights from others. Also, getting regular respite is very important to remove yourself for a while and give your brain a break. I have 2 wonderful ladies that come in 3 x's a week for 4hrs a visit. I found them via my local hospice company. There are government grants for this and other programs to help you get a brain break. Wishing you all as much peace as possible as you navigate your care giving role.

@elm123
Elm,
Last night the Alzheimer’s demon came out as soon as my wife went for her shower. Ten minutes later it was draws slamming, cursing, accusations, etc.
This time I ignored it and stayed in the living room. An hour later she came out and sat on the couch remained silent as we watched a show on tv. By bedtime it was like nothing happened. I think by not getting involved looking for the “lost” items it takes away the “inflammatory “ response.
She believes I can find the “lost” things because I’m the one who placed them in their new hiding places.
I intend to just let her vent and not get involved. It seemed to work last night so rinse and repeat!
After a visit with my doctor this week I realize that as a caregiver we have to put emotions aside and take care of ourselves. Although our loved ones think they are okay in reality they need our help more than ever. If we as caregivers make ourselves sick with worry then you have no paddle and the boat has a hole in the bottom!!

@judimahoney
On 5 meds two for anxiety.

@lost55
Finding the right medicine cocktail combo must be a challenge. I'm very sorry this is so hard. 🫂

@judimahoney Yikes, I found my flour in a small drawer tonight, that we never use in this rental. Ah, the missing flour! We never know where they put things!
Best, Karla

@lost55 I think you are wise to not buy into what your wife is saying. There is no more ability to think logically with dementia. That part of the brain doesn't work anymore. So you will never "convince" her of anything she doesn't want to believe. This situation makes me think of the saying "no audience, no show". I would say something like: I can see that this is upsetting you. I don't know where it is either and then either distract her with something else, a favorite show on TV or come and have a snack with me, lets go for a walk, I want to show you something or just leave the room but don't argue with her. You will never convince her she is wrong.
Dementia caregiving is tough because in the early days we still think that the person we are caring for is the same person we fell in love with and have lived with for years. It takes a while I think for we caregivers to realize and accept that that person is gone and will never return. I think we need to grieve this loss and acknowledge our sadness over these changes. Hang in there. You can always find support on this site. We who post here are on the same journey as you are and understand how you feel.

@kjc48
Dementia hide and seek game!