I wish I could cry!!

Posted by aliali @aliali, Mar 22, 2019

I am pretty sure you realize that feeling which accompanies depression- unexplained crying.
1. Is it better for a depressed to cry or not to cry?
2. I cannot cry; I am irritated and about to cry but cannot cry. I helped myself remember bad memories to cry but it didn’t work. Whatdo ypu recommend?
3. What triggered my enxplained crying?

. @aliali – You seem to be doing a lot of soul searching and that's terrific, however some questions just can't be answered. I think that one of the reasons that depression hurts so much is that we don't cry. When I was very depressed I couldn't cry. I actually was afraid to cry- I didn't know if I would ever stop. What do you think, is it better to cry or not?

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@merpreb

. @aliali – You seem to be doing a lot of soul searching and that's terrific, however some questions just can't be answered. I think that one of the reasons that depression hurts so much is that we don't cry. When I was very depressed I couldn't cry. I actually was afraid to cry- I didn't know if I would ever stop. What do you think, is it better to cry or not?

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Regarding crying. I personally find that not crying is my way of holding feelings in that are too painful to let out. If I do allow myself to cry I always feel a release and in some ways feel better. I don't necessarily feel good..just less awful. This happened recently. Oh…also, for me, if I hold it in too long I start snapping at other people!

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Hi, @aliali – that is an interesting observation about being depressed and unable to cry, and wondering if it's better for a depressed to cry or not to cry.

I remember when I was in graduate school, @aliali, that a counselor I saw right after my parents' divorce told me he thought I was just diverting myself from my sadness (e.g., go out to a movie with friends when I was down) versus actually allowing myself to be sad and cry, etc. — to sit in my sadness, so to speak. This was a bit of a revelation for me, and also told me something about how I was raised — really not to cry, if possible. When I really made an effort to not divert myself and try and feel my deeply sad feelings, I found it gave me much more relief and I was in much better touch with where I was at emotionally.

I'd like to invite @christine72 @lorena1egas @healthytoday @helenannmarie55 @stacyrobertson6 @rascal1 into this conversation for their thoughts on crying in the midst of depression.

Wondering, @aliali, what the prevailing thought in your household growing up has been regarding crying. Was it acceptable? Were negative emotions "allowed"?

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I lost my beautiful 47 year old daughter to ovarian cancer August 2016.
Yes, I cried uncontrollably when she died even though I knew she was going to a better place without the horrific pain and suffering . I also knew how much her 3 children, her husband and I and others would miss her love and laughter!
I cry on the anniversary of her passing each year, on her birthday and her childrens’ events she and they are missing . I miss her on the holidays and so many significant mother/daughter times!
I well up when I look at her picture and when thoughts of her enter my mind.
I know that grieving is natural and we all handle it differently.
I feel horrible when I cry a long time but relieved to have released some of the tension . When I try not to, it feels so unnatural for me but must when around others in social situations as they become uncomfortable.
Others seem to find it “easier” to let go and look to the future as I’m attempting to do.
I will never stop loving my dear daughter and missing her.
Here’s a wonderful piece that was recently shared with me:

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@alkali Each person is different in handling their emotions and depression and anxiety and panic. I myself rarely cry. Probably you can count on one hand the number of times I have cried in my entire life. Some may argue that this is a control thing. For me it is just who I am. Who is to say why one thing is right and one thing is wrong?
Ginger

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@gingerw

@alkali Each person is different in handling their emotions and depression and anxiety and panic. I myself rarely cry. Probably you can count on one hand the number of times I have cried in my entire life. Some may argue that this is a control thing. For me it is just who I am. Who is to say why one thing is right and one thing is wrong?
Ginger

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@aliali I agree with Ginger I can't cry but hold my feelings in then later on I,'ll just go for a walk ,I feel better then

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I believe for me I was so depressed and comfortable in my depression it was hard to cry. I didn’t realize I was more comfortable in my depression than I was outside of it for brief moments. however when I decided to try to figure it out I started to cry, just a little at first then more as I continued to try to come out of it. Now a days I cry more even though I’m not as deep in my depression. More meaningful cries rather then frequency of cries. The depression hasn’t gone away but it feels a heck of a lot more tolerable then before. What helped I honestly cannot say. I don’t know if it was one specific thing or a series of things or finally crying but it’s now a release for me

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I think crying is a good thing. The tears released carry toxins and it's one way for the body to release them. Maybe you need to cry indirectly, ie, watch a sad or emotional movie. Maybe you need to cry alone and not let others see you.
Raised by reserved parents, didn't see them cry or show much emotion. They were absent or depressed. I needed to cry a little today but it didn't happen. It was like I was in the same room with it, but it distanced itself from me.

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@rascal1

I lost my beautiful 47 year old daughter to ovarian cancer August 2016.
Yes, I cried uncontrollably when she died even though I knew she was going to a better place without the horrific pain and suffering . I also knew how much her 3 children, her husband and I and others would miss her love and laughter!
I cry on the anniversary of her passing each year, on her birthday and her childrens’ events she and they are missing . I miss her on the holidays and so many significant mother/daughter times!
I well up when I look at her picture and when thoughts of her enter my mind.
I know that grieving is natural and we all handle it differently.
I feel horrible when I cry a long time but relieved to have released some of the tension . When I try not to, it feels so unnatural for me but must when around others in social situations as they become uncomfortable.
Others seem to find it “easier” to let go and look to the future as I’m attempting to do.
I will never stop loving my dear daughter and missing her.
Here’s a wonderful piece that was recently shared with me:

FB_IMG_1551659247668.jpg

Jump to this post

@rascal1– I can not imagine the pain you must have felt during and after your daughter's illness and death. Crying after a loved one's death is like another letting go, isn't it?

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@georgette12

Regarding crying. I personally find that not crying is my way of holding feelings in that are too painful to let out. If I do allow myself to cry I always feel a release and in some ways feel better. I don't necessarily feel good..just less awful. This happened recently. Oh…also, for me, if I hold it in too long I start snapping at other people!

Jump to this post

@georgette12– I so agree with you. Letting out painful feelings is threatening and scary. In order for anyone to face their past we have to relive it too. Why would any of us want to do that? But think that it's the only way to heal. I healed because I started a blog and now I'm a Connect mentor and able to identify and write here. It's so very very hard. The degree of depression and how we react I think, at least for me, is the measure of the amount of harm I endured.

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@lisalucier

Hi, @aliali – that is an interesting observation about being depressed and unable to cry, and wondering if it's better for a depressed to cry or not to cry.

I remember when I was in graduate school, @aliali, that a counselor I saw right after my parents' divorce told me he thought I was just diverting myself from my sadness (e.g., go out to a movie with friends when I was down) versus actually allowing myself to be sad and cry, etc. — to sit in my sadness, so to speak. This was a bit of a revelation for me, and also told me something about how I was raised — really not to cry, if possible. When I really made an effort to not divert myself and try and feel my deeply sad feelings, I found it gave me much more relief and I was in much better touch with where I was at emotionally.

I'd like to invite @christine72 @lorena1egas @healthytoday @helenannmarie55 @stacyrobertson6 @rascal1 into this conversation for their thoughts on crying in the midst of depression.

Wondering, @aliali, what the prevailing thought in your household growing up has been regarding crying. Was it acceptable? Were negative emotions "allowed"?

Jump to this post

I well remember it; in our society crying is shameful ! I have prevented myself from crying for years; I was depressed and didn’t know that and felt the desire to cry again and again. But I force myself NOT to cry because, as I thought during those days, it as a weakness sign and shameful, especially for a male individual

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Hello @aliali

I am sorry to hear that you have been raised to think that tears and crying are shameful. Actually, tears can be quite beneficial. Here is a link to an article from Psychology Today about the healthy benefits of tears. Just click on the link you can read the entire article, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-freedom/201007/the-health-benefits-tears

I will copy one paragraph from the article that you (and others) might find helpful,

"Emotional tears have special health benefits. Biochemist and “tear expert” Dr. William Frey at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis discovered that reflex tears are 98% water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying. After studying the composition of tears, Dr. Frey found that emotional tears shed these hormones and other toxins which accumulate during stress. Additional studies also suggest that crying stimulates the production of endorphins, our body’s natural pain killer and “feel-good” hormones.” Interestingly, humans are the only creatures known to shed emotional tears, though it’s possible that that elephants and gorillas do too. Other mammals and also salt-water crocodiles produce reflex tears which are protective and lubricating.

Crying makes us feel better, even when a problem persists. In addition to physical detoxification, emotional tears heal the heart. You don’t want to hold tears back. Patients sometimes say, 'Please excuse me for crying. I was trying hard not to. It makes me feel weak'."

I would encourage you, @aliali, to read the entire article. It might help you to feel free to cry when you need to.

Maybe you could think of tears as good medicine?

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Thank you for information on crying and the benefits. I am finding that if I let myself cry, it helps. I'm finding it hard to live with the memories of my son in regard to his suicide. I just posted that I looked at his pictures this weekend and am having flashbacks .

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