I Wanna be a Poster Child For Mental Health & Wellness
I wanna a be a poster child for Mental Health and Wellness.
I'm not a fatalistic. I'm not a pessimist.
I AM an optimist.
I AM a realist.
I do have treatment resistant depression. Code Blah, Code blah-blah, Code 3X Blah.
I AM open to new ideas, treatments, strategies therapies, theories.
I AM discouraged.
I AM resilient.
I AM tenacious.
I've been one to turn the other cheek. When MSer punched me in the stomach, I turned the other cheek. When HSer punched me in the face, I turned the other cheek.
I AM NOT a victim.
I AM NOT a coward.
It is apparent I must be prey.
I don't want to elaborate other than to say I was abused from the age of 3 until I was 8. Then my parents moved to the suburbs.
I HOPE there isn't another predator around my bend. I seem to be susceptible.
I WILL NOT give in.
I'm getting tired.
I, I, I…depression is such a self-centered, selfish disease of the brain.
I DO have Willpower.
I DO push through.
I DO have a loving, albeit tired support system. Collateral damage.
Why do I apparently have a sign on my back, "Kick Me" ???
Yep, today I AM having a pity party and no one is invited.
Depression IS contagious.
Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.
I read that you are "having a pity party and no one is invited." However, I'd like to crash your party for just a minute to let you know how much I appreciate the way you can express your feelings in the midst of a dark time. When anyone experiences depression it is hard to let anyone else inside of your feelings but you have done such an awesome job that I knew I must commend you on that ability.
I'll leave you to your party now and I hope that you will continue to find your way out and into the world again. Be safe my friend and know that I (and others on Connect) care about you!! Be blessed.
I'm crashing your pity party as well. You're right. You're not a victim. You're a warrior and a survivor. The way you have expressed your struggles is inspiring. You inspired me to the extent that I made my first ever comment to this group. With your optimism, resilience, courage, and most importantly, hope, you will triumph over your struggles in your life.
@audriana Shirley, I hope that today is a better day for you. Setting your thoughts out pulls some of the power away from them, don't you think?
@acoblin Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I agree with you, that Shirley is a warrior and survivor. Tell me a bit more about you, how Shirley's words have inspired you!
Wow…Warrior, survivor, inspired…I'm all about words and it's amazing when I become speechless.
I paused to process and let those positive words about ME permeate into my skull.
I've always been a talker, a yakker, a gnatter. In the old days, I was told: "Children should be seen and not heard!"
Now I receive TMI,KISS, TL & my favorite: DNR…which I automatically equate to Do not resuscitate…lol
Yes, I know: too much information, keep it simple
s—– ugh! And too long.
Through my writings, I can monitor what's going on in my brain, from barely a whisper, through stream of consciousness, to clear and concise. My point is that there is always a message that I'm conveying. Its interpretation has so much to do with the interaction of my reader. Their interpretation. Their perception. What is their level of engagement??
Years ago, at a workshop called: Empowering the Rural Woman," Gloria Steinem was the keynote speaker…"in order to empower yourself, you must avoid toxic people. Surround yourself with nourishing people."
I find that within our little community: "Mayo Clinic Connect–Depression & Anxiety" I have encountered an abundance of nourishing individuals so eager to recognize and accentuate the positive attributes that others possess. Affirmation IS contagious.
I am continuing my Spravato treatments. I take the correct anti-depressant now. I am seeing my psychiatrist and therapists on a regular basis. My sleep has increased! Therapeutically speaking, I'm A-OK today. I have a problem with triggers…such as from those nasty messages that snipers fire on SM (not on MCC).
The most important facet of my "treatment plan" is the interaction among the dwellers of this little village. You contribute to my ability to thrive. You nourish my Body, Mind, & Spirit.
Anytime you want to crash my pity party, feel welcome ….and realize that "@everyone"–you are a remarkable crew– a team comprised of administrators, moderators, volunteers, and members. I feel safe.
Just like at the Oscar's…it's stereotypical…if I name names, I'll inadvertently forget someone. However– @acoblin I applaud your Bravery by making your first comment. I look forward to more. @clutch I appreciate the "incentive" I received from you–something short of a kick in the butt that got me out of my funk last year.
To Everyone: Know this– if my short term memory were better and if my cutting and pasting were more accurate, I would take the time to hunt and peck all of the handles that I have encountered since I joined this group. You deserve your recognition. You are Lilies of the Field.
Good to hear from you again, @audriana. You inspire a lot of us on Connect. Keep your thoughts coming, we need them!
Yes, my pity party lasted a while. Not too many guests: mostly me, my dogs, Lucky & Chance, my husband–poor guy. He was in the military for 22 years. His mantra: Prepare for the worst. Hope for the best. And my friend: "I have to come by to get a dose of "Shirley." And then of course, the mask goes on and my inner actress comes out.
Her daughter-in-law killed herself a couple of months ago. The gravest sin I can commit is one of omission. If there was any speck of caring within me to respond and comfort her, but I chose not to? Well, that would be a sin of omission. So, for "entertainment," I gave my friend the MADRS. Out of 60, she scored a 28. Her quality of life is affected by her physical pain. I'm depressed, but I'm not a jerk. We agreed that when she sees her doc that I'll go with her.
She is 89. At the age of 8, while living in Japan, WWII broke out. She is stoic. She is a survivor. I am guiding her as she addresses the death of her son's wife by suicide and the unanswerable unanswered "whys" and the description of the distorted, warped, irrational thoughts, and the forgetting of relatives and friends and pets, and the death of her beloved garden, total submission to hopelessness, and the unanticipated consequences and collateral damage…much worse than the rumble of a bomber or the screeching of being strafed…
As I said, my friend is stoic and a survivor. She can't relate. She wants to understand. Besides, there's always dark humor when she vehemently says to me, " I'll kill you if you kill yourself!"
My friend is actually my own depression scale. She is welcome and comfortable enough to walk into my house like my mom would, with a simultaneous knock as the door opens, she walks in, and waits in the living room for me.
When I'm well, she scores a full 10/10. As my depression escalates, she may be a 5/10. By 2/10, I'm unnecessarily irritable and tolerate her presence as I wait for her to leave. 1/10…I don't greet her in the living room. She just thinks I'm sleeping. She goes home. Lately, she has been scoring 8/10. Today, when she came to visit, our visit was comfortable. As she was leaving, we stepped out onto the porch and realized it was raining. I invited her to sit in a rocker and smell the rain with me. 10/10.
Oh! I did have a couple of pity party crashers. That's ok. I like surprises and spontaneity.
Don't magicians use redirection?
Your posts are always a delight. Your insight into yourself and others always amazes me. I so enjoy your sense of humor in spite of difficult circumstances.
I can see where the suicide of your friend's daughter-in-law would be difficult for her and as a caring individual, you seem to relate closely to her pain. This type of empathy is good but also exhausting. Am I right about this?
Keep posting and let us hear how you (and your friend) are doing.
The Lilies of the Field will be here when you want to share.
Words are powerful and can be therapeutic, healing. Psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, therapists all use them. Your use of the metaphor "lilies of the field" is a
well chosen one since it advises us to not worry over minor things. It is one of the mantras that help me get through the day. Now, I want to offer these words, my other mantras, to you. You're stronger than you think and more loved than you know. May these words help you as much as they have helped me.
Thank you. @acoblin I'm so happy you shared.