Mood Swings Extreme highs and lows

Posted by iwishiwasanon @iwishiwasanon, Dec 14, 2018

One day I am so happy i'm dancing and singing around the house the next I do nothing but sleep and cry, sometimes there's not even a day between the low and high. One second I'm super happy the next I'm feeling like I could end my life. I've been diagnosed with three different anxiety disorders as well as depression, PTSD, and OCPD.

I have no clue whats going on with me but I am extremely scared, I lose my healthcare in a month so talking to my doctor about it is basically out of the question. Can someone please help me understand whats going on with me? I'm feeling really helpless

When I'm at my lowest points I get so suicidal it scares me and when i'm feeling somewhat normal again I can't believe i'd even have those thoughts. There is no in-between I'm either insanely happy or planning to end it all. If anyone can relate or has a solution please help me.

@iwishiwasanon.

I just read your post here. I'm glad you reached out to Mayo Connect and want to welcome you. I'm not a medical professional, but I offer my support and experience to you.

Your feeling helpless and fearful is very familiar to me. In fact, just reading your posting gave me a rush of the old feelings I've had previously. I know how that feels and I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you comfort right now. I know when I was going through my hard times I learned to hug myself tightly, and talk to the scared child in me. I told myself that everything will be Ok, and not to worry about things that haven't happened yet. I spoke soothingly and had gentle feelings for the scared me. Breathing slowly and deeply through your nose will help you feel more calm.

If you feel safe sharing more information about yourself, please answer the questions I have below:

– Please tell me more about your insurance ending at the new year. Is there no way you can be covered?

– How long ago was your diagnosis made?

– Why did you seek a diagnosis; what precipitated the doctor's visits?

– What's your age?

If you live in a reasonably sized community, you should be able to get a "sliding scale" counseling. I also recommend a psychiatrist who can determine whether you need medication.

Please consider talking to your doctor even though you may be losing your insurance. (Use your medical insurance and doctors right up to the end of your eligibility.) You're asking for help here, which is good. You also need to ask for help where you are. Call your doctor and tell them what you said here–ask for help Now.

I'm sure others on this thread will respond to you as well. I hope you can find safety for now. If you have friends or family you trust, please ask them for extra support.

REPLY
@gailb

@iwishiwasanon.

I just read your post here. I'm glad you reached out to Mayo Connect and want to welcome you. I'm not a medical professional, but I offer my support and experience to you.

Your feeling helpless and fearful is very familiar to me. In fact, just reading your posting gave me a rush of the old feelings I've had previously. I know how that feels and I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you comfort right now. I know when I was going through my hard times I learned to hug myself tightly, and talk to the scared child in me. I told myself that everything will be Ok, and not to worry about things that haven't happened yet. I spoke soothingly and had gentle feelings for the scared me. Breathing slowly and deeply through your nose will help you feel more calm.

If you feel safe sharing more information about yourself, please answer the questions I have below:

– Please tell me more about your insurance ending at the new year. Is there no way you can be covered?

– How long ago was your diagnosis made?

– Why did you seek a diagnosis; what precipitated the doctor's visits?

– What's your age?

If you live in a reasonably sized community, you should be able to get a "sliding scale" counseling. I also recommend a psychiatrist who can determine whether you need medication.

Please consider talking to your doctor even though you may be losing your insurance. (Use your medical insurance and doctors right up to the end of your eligibility.) You're asking for help here, which is good. You also need to ask for help where you are. Call your doctor and tell them what you said here–ask for help Now.

I'm sure others on this thread will respond to you as well. I hope you can find safety for now. If you have friends or family you trust, please ask them for extra support.

Jump to this post

Thank you so much for responding to me, you have no clue how much it means to me
-It can be, but it'll cost money, money me nor my family have, I get free healthcare until I'm 18 in the state I live in, that's why it's ending
-I was diagnosed at the end of 2015, so three years ago
-My anxiety was so extreme I was picking at my skin, mostly around my nails, most of the time to the point of bleeding and it was becoming noticeable, I was also suffering anxiety attacks weekly, hyperventilating, dissociating, ect. My mom had me seek treatment and I was then put in an outpatient hospital
-I'm 17, I'll be 18 in February, my insurance doesn't overlap into that month due to my birthday being at the beginning of the month

I'm sure this is important too, for the past few years I have nightmares almost nightly, I'm thinking about seeing the cost of EMDR therapy for my PTSD.

I live in a pretty rural area, it takes about 40-45 minutes to get to any big city from here.
I'm scared to talk to my doctor, I know I probably shouldn't be but I can't help it, I can't stand talking about my feelings face to face with anyone.

REPLY

@iwishiwasanon I can so relate to how you are feeling. The ups and downs are very uncomfortable. @gailb has offered some suggestions. This is a supportive community with kindness. I also have PTSD and oft want the fears to go away. When the fears subside I too wonder how I could have felt so desperate.
I do better writing than speaking face to face about how I feel. It seems foolish to have some of the feelings I have and telling someone face to face seems weak-many of us understand. Try not to berate yourself for how you feel.
Curious…how did you happen across the connect community if you wish to share.

REPLY
@parus

@iwishiwasanon I can so relate to how you are feeling. The ups and downs are very uncomfortable. @gailb has offered some suggestions. This is a supportive community with kindness. I also have PTSD and oft want the fears to go away. When the fears subside I too wonder how I could have felt so desperate.
I do better writing than speaking face to face about how I feel. It seems foolish to have some of the feelings I have and telling someone face to face seems weak-many of us understand. Try not to berate yourself for how you feel.
Curious…how did you happen across the connect community if you wish to share.

Jump to this post

I totally get that. I often times know I have no reason to feel a certain way and that people wouldn't understand, because not even I understand why.
I found the connect community looking for support/forum groups online, hoping to find a place to talk openly about the things I've been going through, so far I'm really happy I decided to post here

REPLY

Hello @iwishiwasanon – Welcome. I think that we all have reasons to feel different ways, otherwise we wouldn't feel things. For some people, even those who have had all the advantages that life has to offer, feel horrible things. We often times don't understand a lot about our moods. Have you been tested for Bipolar disease? You have a month to go on your insurance so pick your doctors' brains for all they are worth! Perhaps you could search for places that have group rates for young insurers?

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@merpreb

Hello @iwishiwasanon – Welcome. I think that we all have reasons to feel different ways, otherwise we wouldn't feel things. For some people, even those who have had all the advantages that life has to offer, feel horrible things. We often times don't understand a lot about our moods. Have you been tested for Bipolar disease? You have a month to go on your insurance so pick your doctors' brains for all they are worth! Perhaps you could search for places that have group rates for young insurers?

Jump to this post

I haven't been tested for bipolar disease no, but it runs in our family so honestly I wouldn't be surprised. I'll definitely look into it and ask my mom about it, thank you!

REPLY

@iwishiwasanon

Well, this is my 3rd try to reply to your post this morning. I have lost the other two due to some computer anomalies. I'm letting you know so you can expect a lengthy response in about 1 hour. This time I'm entering it on a document that I can cut and paste to Connect. Keep the faith, you can get help. If you feel safe, please share what state you live in. That will help my research.

REPLY
@iwishiwasanon

I totally get that. I often times know I have no reason to feel a certain way and that people wouldn't understand, because not even I understand why.
I found the connect community looking for support/forum groups online, hoping to find a place to talk openly about the things I've been going through, so far I'm really happy I decided to post here

Jump to this post

@iwishiwasanon

By the way, go to the website Healthcare.gov right now to see if you can get insurance through the ACA. Today is the last day to sign up for 2019 coverage. You must apply today, even if you find something better later, so do that first thing. More information later.

REPLY

@iwishiwasanon Here's my lengthy response. 😊

First, thank you for answering my questions quickly. I have some information about medical insurance from Healthcare.gov that I have pasted below.

Healthcare.gov: TODAY IS THE LAST DAY TO APPLY FOR INSURANCE FOR 2019!

“You can stay on a parent’s plan until you turn 26
Once you’re on a parent’s job-based plan, in most cases you can stay on it until you turn 26.

Generally, you can JOIN a parent’s plan and stay on until you turn 26 even if you:

Get married
Have or adopt a child
Start or leave school
Live in or out of your parent’s home
Aren’t claimed as a tax dependent
Turn down an offer of job-based coverage
If you’re covered by a parent’s job-based plan, your coverage usually ends when you turn 26. But check with the employer or plan. Some states and plans have different rules.

If you’re on a parent’s Marketplace plan, you can remain covered through December 31 of the year you turn 26 (or the age permitted in your state).”

You need to go to their website and enter your information to find out what you are eligible for in your state. Give them a call if you need help with understanding the information you receive on line. Help is out there, but you will have to do some research to find it, just as you found Mayo Connect. Check to see if you can continue to be covered on your parents insurance.

My grandson, Ronnie, is almost exactly your age. He has been experiencing emotional upheaval since he was about 14. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, and he takes medication for both. He still had outbursts of combative anger and impulsiveness. During one of his outbursts he threatened to kill himself with a butcher knife. He ended up in the mental hospital for 1 week.

Recently Ronnie’s behavior and control over his anger have improved. He'll be 18 in January, and has held a job for the last year. The job seemed to help him feel more self confident. At your age being in emotional upheaval is pretty much normal. Your hormones are raging and they can cause all kinds of feelings you will need to learn to deal with. In addition, being on the threshold of adulthood and the expectations and fear of an unknown future can be completely intimidating. Fearing your own emotional feelings can cause you to feel even more anxiety. We all have to learn to feel emotions without fear. Only if you have extremely violent emotions around hurting others do you need to seek immediate help.

When my son was your age, he suddenly became very secretive, depressed and I worried about suicide. I finally pressured him to talk to me by letting him know I was so worried about him hurting himself or others. His hands shook all the time, and he had started drinking (at school) and doing drugs. We had taken him to the doctor and there was no physical reason for his shaking hands. At 16 he finally told me he was gay and was being bullied and threatened at school. I was shocked, but I struggled to understand how he could “become” gay. He told me he was born that way, which I didn't understand at the time. (He's 48 yrs old now and has a PhD.) His hands stopped shaking after he came out to me. I took a college class on understanding homosexuality, which really helped me, and helped him because I could support him. I'm telling you this just in case LGBTQ issues are bothering you.

It's very hard in small rural towns to share your feelings about emotional issues due to the risk of the information getting out into the community. However, HIPAA laws prevent all medical personnel from sharing information about you unless you give them permission to. One thing I know is you must feel SAFE before you can share your feelings face to face (or here) with anyone. If possible, you need to find a counselor or a friend/family member with whom you can develop rapport and feel safe so you can share what's going on with you. As I said, you may just be experiencing normal teenage feelings, but since they are new to you, you need help learning how to deal with them and not fear the feelings. When I first began talking in counseling, I was so scared I thought I might faint. I made it through the first session and the counselor was very gentle and assuring with me. Now, at age 70 (tomorrow), I have been through about 25 years of therapy and now also take an antidepressant which has helped me tremendously. My life is good. I want you to discover that you will survive and thrive, but you must ask for help and learn to share with appropriate people.

I hope this is helpful for you. You must use your current doctor and talk to that person about what's going on with you emotionally. Your physician should be able to give you some guidance about what you can do to get help locally, or in one of the close cities. I lost my medical insurance 1 year before I was eligible for Medicare, and before the ACA was going into effect. Two days before the end of the year, my doctor found a lump in my breast. I was living in a town of 500 people in Missouri, and needed to go to a hospital in Kansas City for a biopsy. My doctor contacted the Women's Center at the closest hospital and they arranged to do a biopsy on the afternoon of New Year's Eve. They performed the biopsy and basic diagnosis that evening with 7 medical people staying until 8 pm to do it before my insurance ran out! I was amazed and extremely thankful that they did that just for me. The diagnosis was negative for cancer thankfully. I'm telling you this story to let you know there is help until the last minute on your current insurance.

Ask for 100% of what you want, and then be willing to negotiate to get the help you need. I hope this information and these stories are helpful to you. Let us know if there are ways we can help you further. Peace.

REPLY
@iwishiwasanon

I haven't been tested for bipolar disease no, but it runs in our family so honestly I wouldn't be surprised. I'll definitely look into it and ask my mom about it, thank you!

Jump to this post

How can we not have mood swings in such an insane world. Honestly, find what works to help keep you sane. There are so many methods available to us.

REPLY
@iwishiwasanon

I haven't been tested for bipolar disease no, but it runs in our family so honestly I wouldn't be surprised. I'll definitely look into it and ask my mom about it, thank you!

Jump to this post

Be the black sheep of the family and refuse to have the family illness. Possible? I wonder. Genes only express under the right conditions. I wonder if living differently than your family would help?

REPLY

Trying to be sane in an insane world. Dancing is your self expression? Dance, dance, dance. Let your body describe itself. Study (youtube) dancers, watch them, wonder, check out folk dance, ballroom dance. There is so much energy, passion, expression in dance. What else interests you?

REPLY
@gailb

@iwishiwasanon Here's my lengthy response. 😊

First, thank you for answering my questions quickly. I have some information about medical insurance from Healthcare.gov that I have pasted below.

Healthcare.gov: TODAY IS THE LAST DAY TO APPLY FOR INSURANCE FOR 2019!

“You can stay on a parent’s plan until you turn 26
Once you’re on a parent’s job-based plan, in most cases you can stay on it until you turn 26.

Generally, you can JOIN a parent’s plan and stay on until you turn 26 even if you:

Get married
Have or adopt a child
Start or leave school
Live in or out of your parent’s home
Aren’t claimed as a tax dependent
Turn down an offer of job-based coverage
If you’re covered by a parent’s job-based plan, your coverage usually ends when you turn 26. But check with the employer or plan. Some states and plans have different rules.

If you’re on a parent’s Marketplace plan, you can remain covered through December 31 of the year you turn 26 (or the age permitted in your state).”

You need to go to their website and enter your information to find out what you are eligible for in your state. Give them a call if you need help with understanding the information you receive on line. Help is out there, but you will have to do some research to find it, just as you found Mayo Connect. Check to see if you can continue to be covered on your parents insurance.

My grandson, Ronnie, is almost exactly your age. He has been experiencing emotional upheaval since he was about 14. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, and he takes medication for both. He still had outbursts of combative anger and impulsiveness. During one of his outbursts he threatened to kill himself with a butcher knife. He ended up in the mental hospital for 1 week.

Recently Ronnie’s behavior and control over his anger have improved. He'll be 18 in January, and has held a job for the last year. The job seemed to help him feel more self confident. At your age being in emotional upheaval is pretty much normal. Your hormones are raging and they can cause all kinds of feelings you will need to learn to deal with. In addition, being on the threshold of adulthood and the expectations and fear of an unknown future can be completely intimidating. Fearing your own emotional feelings can cause you to feel even more anxiety. We all have to learn to feel emotions without fear. Only if you have extremely violent emotions around hurting others do you need to seek immediate help.

When my son was your age, he suddenly became very secretive, depressed and I worried about suicide. I finally pressured him to talk to me by letting him know I was so worried about him hurting himself or others. His hands shook all the time, and he had started drinking (at school) and doing drugs. We had taken him to the doctor and there was no physical reason for his shaking hands. At 16 he finally told me he was gay and was being bullied and threatened at school. I was shocked, but I struggled to understand how he could “become” gay. He told me he was born that way, which I didn't understand at the time. (He's 48 yrs old now and has a PhD.) His hands stopped shaking after he came out to me. I took a college class on understanding homosexuality, which really helped me, and helped him because I could support him. I'm telling you this just in case LGBTQ issues are bothering you.

It's very hard in small rural towns to share your feelings about emotional issues due to the risk of the information getting out into the community. However, HIPAA laws prevent all medical personnel from sharing information about you unless you give them permission to. One thing I know is you must feel SAFE before you can share your feelings face to face (or here) with anyone. If possible, you need to find a counselor or a friend/family member with whom you can develop rapport and feel safe so you can share what's going on with you. As I said, you may just be experiencing normal teenage feelings, but since they are new to you, you need help learning how to deal with them and not fear the feelings. When I first began talking in counseling, I was so scared I thought I might faint. I made it through the first session and the counselor was very gentle and assuring with me. Now, at age 70 (tomorrow), I have been through about 25 years of therapy and now also take an antidepressant which has helped me tremendously. My life is good. I want you to discover that you will survive and thrive, but you must ask for help and learn to share with appropriate people.

I hope this is helpful for you. You must use your current doctor and talk to that person about what's going on with you emotionally. Your physician should be able to give you some guidance about what you can do to get help locally, or in one of the close cities. I lost my medical insurance 1 year before I was eligible for Medicare, and before the ACA was going into effect. Two days before the end of the year, my doctor found a lump in my breast. I was living in a town of 500 people in Missouri, and needed to go to a hospital in Kansas City for a biopsy. My doctor contacted the Women's Center at the closest hospital and they arranged to do a biopsy on the afternoon of New Year's Eve. They performed the biopsy and basic diagnosis that evening with 7 medical people staying until 8 pm to do it before my insurance ran out! I was amazed and extremely thankful that they did that just for me. The diagnosis was negative for cancer thankfully. I'm telling you this story to let you know there is help until the last minute on your current insurance.

Ask for 100% of what you want, and then be willing to negotiate to get the help you need. I hope this information and these stories are helpful to you. Let us know if there are ways we can help you further. Peace.

Jump to this post

@gailb @iwishiwasanon This is a valuable post. Gail, thank you for your thoughtfulness and insight. There are many great points mentioned. We are so glad you reached out and found us, iwishiwasanon! It's scary to see your thoughts in words, isn't it? Feeling safe and comfortable to share is critical, whether it is in person or online. Please read then read again what Gail has posted.we're here for you!
Ginger

REPLY
@healthytoday

Be the black sheep of the family and refuse to have the family illness. Possible? I wonder. Genes only express under the right conditions. I wonder if living differently than your family would help?

Jump to this post

@iwishiwasanon.

I was the black sheep of my family and refused to accept the craziness to which I was exposed my entire life. I have PTSD from some childhood experiences, but it doesn't run my life anymore. I can usually respond in the current time and not relive my past. I have been successful in my second marriage of 36 years and in my professional life, from which I have now retired. We can make it out of the confusion! Good for you @healthytoday

REPLY
@iwishiwasanon

Thank you so much for responding to me, you have no clue how much it means to me
-It can be, but it'll cost money, money me nor my family have, I get free healthcare until I'm 18 in the state I live in, that's why it's ending
-I was diagnosed at the end of 2015, so three years ago
-My anxiety was so extreme I was picking at my skin, mostly around my nails, most of the time to the point of bleeding and it was becoming noticeable, I was also suffering anxiety attacks weekly, hyperventilating, dissociating, ect. My mom had me seek treatment and I was then put in an outpatient hospital
-I'm 17, I'll be 18 in February, my insurance doesn't overlap into that month due to my birthday being at the beginning of the month

I'm sure this is important too, for the past few years I have nightmares almost nightly, I'm thinking about seeing the cost of EMDR therapy for my PTSD.

I live in a pretty rural area, it takes about 40-45 minutes to get to any big city from here.
I'm scared to talk to my doctor, I know I probably shouldn't be but I can't help it, I can't stand talking about my feelings face to face with anyone.

Jump to this post

EMDR is that like tapping? CBD is addressing anxiety. Anything physical calms you down, swimming, hiking etc.

REPLY
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