Hung out with my new friend depression for a day.
My wife's symptoms are escalating faster than my tiny brain can keep up with. I have also realized this is going to go on and on for a long , long time. It won't be over any time soon. Every morning I wrestle with keeping depression at bay. I use discipline, work, meditation, exercise, golf, and stoic thoughts to keep the feel good chemicals flowing through my brain. Sometimes a wrench gets thrown into my program and I can't go to work, and I am too tired to exercise or I just cannot muster the discipline to fight the depression. I give in to it. I stop fighting. I make friends with it for the day. I wallow in self pity, think negative thoughts, don't exercise, just basically mope hanging out with my new friend depression for the whole day. I let myself fully experience the emotion without resistance. Like a pendulum swinging the opposite direction and at the same height the next day I felt great with a whole new appreciation for life and the enthusiasm to get back in the fight. This is a cycle that I have experienced before. I think it is part of the adaptation process for dealing with extreme emotion. When my friend depression comes to visit me I don't panic any more. I realize it is part of the process and I enjoy the day off. The next day I can't wait to tell myself to get up, get off my ass and get back to work. Today is Sunday and I am still feeling the mania from Fridays depression. What a strange experience this is.