Mayo Clinic Connect
How to ease grief headache? My dad passed 18 days ago and I am still exhausted. Dizziness and headache are also experienced. Why do not I see my doctor? His schedule is very busy!
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Hello @aliali, Even though his schedule is busy, perhaps you can leave him a phone message or let him know your problems through the patient portal?
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@hopeful33250 Actually there are many reasons but I didn’t like to mention them all because I see it inappropriate to do so. I can see him after two months or so according to his schedule. He never answered my calls in the office and no other way is possible to contact him. And most importantly, I see the help thru this community is better than what I get from the physicians. They sometimes have incorrect information to share with the patient; also some of them are not willing to listen to the patient! I am seeking the help from this community.
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How wonderful, @aliali, that you are finding so much support from the Connect Community! I'm glad that you are with us.
Please remember that 18 days is not all that long of a time for a significant loss such as a parent. What are you doing now to keep active?
Here is a quote from Albert Einstein: "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." What movement (physical, emotional or spiritual) can you take today and tomorrow, @aliali?
Why am I worried about my grief? For many reasons. I have depression before the mortality of my father; my depression was perfectly controlled and now it is the exact opposite! Also, because the my family members are living their normal life like it was before the mortality. This is why I am worried. I exercise (physical) and follow a religion (spiritual) and eliminate negative ideas (emotional) but still feeling the black cloud above my mind. It may go for a while and return again ..!
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Wow, @aliali – I'm so sorry to hear about your father's passing.
I found this article written by a Mayo Clinic oncologist that I thought might be helpful at this very difficult time https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/in-depth/grief/art-20047261
@aliali I am so sorry for your dad's passing. My husband died almost 7 months ago. What you're feeling is 100% normal. You may even start to feel "normal" in the coming months, then something may trigger your grief unexpectedly. Have you considered grief counseling? In my case, a local hospice center, Unity, offers counseling (group, individual), as well as other outlets for healing (art therapy, luncheons, etc). It was two months after Gary died that I sought help. I thought I could do okay on my own, but one afternoon I was laying on the bathroom floor and couldn't stop crying. I have friends that are there for me, but really, unless you have gone through that loss, they don't always get the depth of pain. I honestly would be lost without the online support group (in addition to Unity's services).
I am so sorry for your heartache and pain. If you feel you need your doctor sooner than later, call again. If you're unhappy with his or her treatment or service, don't be afraid to find a different dr. You need to take care of yourself, however best for you. Me, I allow myself a pajama day off needed. I give myself a simple task daily. If I feel up to doing more, I will. If not, then that's okay, too.
Everyone grieves differently. Don't be too hard on yourself, or your family. Some people can hide their emotions better than others. Me, I cried at menards one day (where he used to work). I'll keep you in my thoughts.
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Hello @aliali I am sorry to read of your loss. Times of grief are always challenging, sad, and emotional roller coasters. I see grief as a natural extension of the love we felt for our loved one. The more we loved the more intense the grief we experience.
I am no doctor, but I do believe stress can manifest itself in many ways in our bodies. All kinds of things get out of whack when we are grieving. Our emotional as well as our physical selves. In my case (and certianly every person is different just as their journey with grief is) I found a simple thing that helped me. I was not staying hydrated as I was so focued on other things in my life so my body was getting even more out of whack. I made myself take regular tea breaks. I'd also use these times to write and found that was a solid combination for me.
I hope it is sunny wherever you are today!
Strength, courage, and peace
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@IndianaScott How old were you when you lost the loved one? I think you can help me because you already experienced such a situation. Can you talk more and more about it? I believe in psychology that even trivial things are useful in treatment!
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@amaesingmichell I have many issues to deal with. For example, the denial of death. This causes me to worry. I am not a psychiatrist but I think it is devastating to deny the reality. Also, I need energy to go thru my life. I am going thru a grief book that did not help me a lot. I think I have to seek other one. Your suggestions will be considered for sure.
This is the book I am reading these days!
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My wife was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 49. She fought her war for over 14 years. We were married for 41 years and had two children. I was my wife's caregiver for all those years and after being fired from my dream job was her fulltime caregiver for the last 5 years of her fight. She was also in home hospice care for her final 14 months. While she was an incredible warrior, her disease took a horrific toll on her and was far more brutal than anything I could have ever imagined.
She has been gone two years now and my emotions are still very raw. I cry a lot more than I used to, I'm more cynical about life, struggle with even small disappointments, and miss her every single day, Right now is a particularly challenging time of year in that we have, in rapid succession, Mother's Day, both our children's birthdays, her birthday, our anniversary, and then the anniversary of her death. I struggle with finding a new way in my life, but fight that by keeping an ongoing list of things 'to do' that keep me focused on the future. Some are chore types of things, some are simply to write a friend a note, call an old friend, visit someone, or often to write, which I find quite therapeutic.
I found Connect when I was feeling extremely isolated and worn out from caregiving and appreciated the ability to talk openly about her experiences as well as mine as a caregiver. I actually was the one who convinced them to begin a Caregivers discussion group.
I view my grief as a new companion in my life. It will always be with me and while I wouldn't say I 'embrace' it, I also do not try and ignore it, sugarcoat it, or pretend it isn't a part of me now. I also found no help in the grief books I read. I quickly realized they were simply one writer's view on grief and not some panacea for others as they are often touted to be. I remember the day I took the book on the 'stages of grief' and hurled it into our garbage can. Best thing I did 🙂
Everyone's journey in grief is different and our grief is as unique as we are as human beings and as was the person we loved, lost, and miss. While I offer no road map for others, I am willing to talk about my journey if it helps.
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@IndianaScott I'm sorry for your lost I lost my husband in 12-2-2000 I don't like that holiday spend it quietly but my son does have me over the night before Time heals but there are moments
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ask him if he can squeeze you in…. perhaps a cancellation.
when we love we are bound to grieve at some point. My sweet hubby died in 2010 . Miss him terribly. My beloved grandson has become mentally ill & angry. Daughter is recovering from a stroke…at 38. I wake feeling empty most days . I take 1 day at a time and hope my grandson will improve before I am gone. e deserves a happy peaceful life Its cruel to see him go thru this. at just 22 yrs old.
Thank God for your son & family to help you recover
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