How do you change the perception of aging?

Posted by Merry, Alumni Mentor @merpreb, Jun 19, 2020

I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I mean a lot of thinking about aging and accepting certain facts that go with it. It's a tough job. I look in the mirror and the girl who I expect to see is no longer there. Where did she go? How long ago did she disappear? Has someone else taken her place? Why can't I accept what I see instead of being depressed? I've wondered what kind of changes I can make to be more accepting of myself.

For way too long "old age" myths, the media, and cosmetic industries have dictated how women should feel about themselves. What they say or imply is an injustice to women and enhances the notion that aging isn’t good. They want us to mask our looks, change the color of our hair, and let someone cut us so that our skin looks stretched and fresh and young! Looking young is not being young. The first thing that I have to get rid of is the term, "feeling old." Old is not a feeling. It's a fact, a state of being. So what does this mean? It means that I need other words to describe how I'm feeling. Perhaps I might be feeling low about something, or I'm in pain or feel lonely, feeble, burdensome, or demoralized. And these words are the words that describe me when I feel "old".

I can’t feel young either. Youth is not a feeling. But at times I feel energetic, courageous, beautiful, healthy, and active. Feeling well makes me feel that there is the promise of tomorrow, I'm happy and healthy-ish. I can't change the way I look or my genetic make-up. But I can strive to feel my best, and feel a sense of well-being and satisfaction in doing what is best for me. I can pursue what I know to be my purpose, my passions at this time. Not what I want to do or dream to do but things that make me feel whole, complete, wanted, needed, and loved. Purposes, my life passions, that make me think and feel whole. If this means putting color in my hair or trying a new lip color, then that’s what I’ll do. Not because I look “old or wan” but because I want to do it.

Because of my stage 4 lung cancer, my bucket list has changed. I no longer can think in terms of “Well I have plenty of time.” My bucket list consists of todays. What to do today, where do I go today, what do I read, eat, and think today. My lists no longer have unrealistic goals for the future but doctors' appointments, lab work, and rest. My plans are to do things that make me feel like I have a purpose and that I feel are important in everything I do, things that have meaning for me. My purpose for resting is so that I can later feel more refreshed for a walk, or meeting a friend. My purpose for drinking lots of water is so that I don't get dehydrated and feel ill. My purpose is to nag my husband to be careful on his runs, make sure his clothes are clean, and that he eats clean fresh food. My purpose is to hug him and tell him that I love him as much as I can. I need to feel fulfilled by talking to my son and maybe irritate him too. I’m a mother. It makes me feel good. My bucket list might not stretch very far into the future but it sure is full.

By changing how I think, with a different vocabulary, maybe I can help change the perception of aging. And this might help me so that when I look in the mirror I might see some of the old me and not the aged me.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

capnjack | @capnjack | Oct 30 6:23pm

In reply to @nycmusic "@capnjack why not look ?! It’s fun, nothing less, nothing more…not restricted to men…" + (show)

@nycmusic 😊

newrochelle1131 | @newrochelle1131 | Oct 31 9:46am

Just because you are on a diet doesn't mean you don't look at the menu!

alive | @alive | Nov 1 6:46am

I’m 60 years old and I think I’m the oldest person in my department. My supervisor is in her early 30’s, and we get along beautifully! I don’t advertise my old age and in general, people tell me that I look 10 years younger than I really am.

I work hard about changing the perception that older people don’t understand or don’t want to use new technology. At work I use numerous databases and work with different platforms. This doesn’t come naturally to me. I probably spend more time than needed googling and trying to understand the technology before asking for help, but I see it as a learning process rather than just passively asking a coworker to generate a report for me. I don’t complain about these challenges or about my aching body. I don’t dress like as old lady and am always upcycling my old outfits to create a unique to me look.

My body and my past battle with acute myeloid leukemia do remind me daily that I am aging. However, my attitude towards life and drive to finish my career in academia well pushes me to do more than I probably should. I will be retiring at 65, so there is a definite date when I will leave my work for good, but I am going to do the best I can to work now like I have 20 more years to go.

labrown | @labrown | Nov 1 7:54am

What’s the old saying about aging…if you don’t mind it don’t matter? I just turned 70, I sure was dreading that number, but my oldest son said to me…mom, you sure don’t look 70, you dress hip and you are the youngest acting grandmother I know. He made my year! 😊 Do the best you can to be the best you can!

adr | @adr | Nov 1 8:13am

I think it is up to us to live our lives with gusto no matter where we are in life. This will show younger people that older people can be vital, energizing, and have so much to contributed. So I say, stay engaged, learn new things and stand up and share your wisdom. We are aging and we matter, we need to act like it is true. I view it as a gift.

Sue, Volunteer Mentor | @sueinmn | Nov 1 10:47am

My list:
Keep moving - you may be slower than you used to be, but do what you can.
Spend time in nature - walk in the park or woods, sit on a lakeshore and watch the sunset, walk in the rain or snow, plant and nurture a garden, a garden box or a houseplant.
Read widely, volunteer, take classes, travel if you can to be aware of the world we live in today.
Ask younger people about their lives without talking about how things "used to be", listen to their answers without judging. Gently share your experience if asked.
Try new things - foods, hobbies, different genres of books or different authors, haircut/hairstyle, well-fitted clothing with accessories (new, recycled from your closet or thrifted.)
Practice your religion, yoga, tai chi, meditation or other mindfulness.
Try not to talk about aches and pains, medications and surgeries - especially to people you just met.
Turn off the TV, walk away from the computer, put down your cell phone and DO something.
Smile and appreciate the world around you.

Off to shower an walk in my neighborhood.

ladybug4joints | @ladybug4joints | Nov 2 6:06am

I am 77 years old and do not look my age. I slowly retired from health care over 10 + years. And am happy I did.
I do not consider myself “old” and perhaps never will.
My social activities include walking 3-5 miles several days per week with a walking group, volunteering a few hours periodically, , gym with a personal trainer, a church group weekly meeting, and occasionally other social activities, theaters or dinners out. My advice is to stay as active as possible, socialize at these activities, continue to make friends no matter your age, look forward to fun events, and have a positive attitude. Also, continue using your brain to help feel young!!