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How do you change the perception of aging?
I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I mean a lot of thinking about aging and accepting certain facts that go with it. It's a tough job. I look in the mirror and the girl who I expect to see is no longer there. Where did she go? How long ago did she disappear? Has someone else taken her place? Why can't I accept what I see instead of being depressed? I've wondered what kind of changes I can make to be more accepting of myself.
For way too long "old age" myths, the media, and cosmetic industries have dictated how women should feel about themselves. What they say or imply is an injustice to women and enhances the notion that aging isn’t good. They want us to mask our looks, change the color of our hair, and let someone cut us so that our skin looks stretched and fresh and young! Looking young is not being young. The first thing that I have to get rid of is the term, "feeling old." Old is not a feeling. It's a fact, a state of being. So what does this mean? It means that I need other words to describe how I'm feeling. Perhaps I might be feeling low about something, or I'm in pain or feel lonely, feeble, burdensome, or demoralized. And these words are the words that describe me when I feel "old".
I can’t feel young either. Youth is not a feeling. But at times I feel energetic, courageous, beautiful, healthy, and active. Feeling well makes me feel that there is the promise of tomorrow, I'm happy and healthy-ish. I can't change the way I look or my genetic make-up. But I can strive to feel my best, and feel a sense of well-being and satisfaction in doing what is best for me. I can pursue what I know to be my purpose, my passions at this time. Not what I want to do or dream to do but things that make me feel whole, complete, wanted, needed, and loved. Purposes, my life passions, that make me think and feel whole. If this means putting color in my hair or trying a new lip color, then that’s what I’ll do. Not because I look “old or wan” but because I want to do it.
Because of my stage 4 lung cancer, my bucket list has changed. I no longer can think in terms of “Well I have plenty of time.” My bucket list consists of todays. What to do today, where do I go today, what do I read, eat, and think today. My lists no longer have unrealistic goals for the future but doctors' appointments, lab work, and rest. My plans are to do things that make me feel like I have a purpose and that I feel are important in everything I do, things that have meaning for me. My purpose for resting is so that I can later feel more refreshed for a walk, or meeting a friend. My purpose for drinking lots of water is so that I don't get dehydrated and feel ill. My purpose is to nag my husband to be careful on his runs, make sure his clothes are clean, and that he eats clean fresh food. My purpose is to hug him and tell him that I love him as much as I can. I need to feel fulfilled by talking to my son and maybe irritate him too. I’m a mother. It makes me feel good. My bucket list might not stretch very far into the future but it sure is full.
By changing how I think, with a different vocabulary, maybe I can help change the perception of aging. And this might help me so that when I look in the mirror I might see some of the old me and not the aged me.
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The thing I like about gardening is that it is a reason for tomorrow.
Winter is coming so after the edible weeds are gone there is nothing. I got the interest in doing sprouts in mason jars. Little maintenance and you get a harvest every 4-5 days.
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5 Reactions@slarson14
Although I wasn't a model I too was blessed from a toddler thru my 40's with great looks. Men practically fought to open doors etc. so it was somewhat shocking to have doors slammed in my face as I aged. I am no 77 yrs. Old and running into the grocery store in sweat pants and no makeup is somewhat liberating. I am not sure if we will ever get to a time when good looks are not rewarded in some way. So my advice is similar to what I am reading. Don't look for outside approval but cultivate yourself by doing things that please you. I have always loved crafting so now each morning I look forward to doing what I want. Don't get me wrong. I always spend time grooming..being clean and presentable. I just don't feel the need to get approval from the opposite sex. I wear light makeup, make sure my hair and clothes are clean etc when going out. Getting older is a process to accept. Listen I know that I am also lucky to have reached this age and for some will never know this blessing. I love my husband and friends and family and I make sure that I show them that by doing small things and telling them how much they mean to me. I am grateful and humbled sometimes that I have to use a cane or even a walker in some instances. Just being alive and of sound mind is enough now. Try to cultivate yourself at each passing year and acknowledge that time doesn't stand still. Have some fun every day and don't let the little things get you down. (Like the reflection in the mirror).
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13 ReactionsExcellent!!
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1 Reaction@liz223 I read your lovely post this morning. How are you doing? I just turned 70 and your post is an inspiration. Perhaps that is why God has gifted us with you for so many years: the positive effect you have on others surrounding you in life. God bless you.
@scain Love your perspective. Enjoying the moment. Taking care of ourselves; focusing on helping others enjoy life, the little things.
Looks are for a short time; character is forever.
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2 Reactions@slarson14 It is funny how I "fell" into modeling.
First, it was nothing but wedding dresses at bridal shows between the ages of 20-24. Small potatoes; I just happened to be a perfect size 8-10 and was 5'8" barefooted; fresh, young, girl next door look I think is what it must have been.
Then I worked as a model for photographers refining their techniques.
Then I took up photographing weddings and brides, myself, just as a hobby for years.
THEN, when I was 32, someone suggested I take my young 2 yo son to a modeling agency. He was a pretty good looking and charming 2-3 year old, very verbally articulate. Think Gerber baby type.
So I took him to a modeling event. He didn't get hired, but I did: to do television commercials. lolol and I didn't even intend it to happen! So weird.
I did two commercials; I think. I was being paid $20.00/hr (1988) but I was bored to tears doing retakes! That "modeling" lasted 4 months; besides, I was in graduate school, had three kids by then, and no time to waste.
Like I said, looks are temporary, character is forever. I look at those old modeling photos and think: that isn't me. It is just a clay pot.
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1 ReactionThe change in behavior of younger people - especially men - when your looks are no longer your first outstanding feature is very revealing about the character of Mother Nature's tricks to ensure future generations.
I have also found as my looks have faded, women like me more. What I think it must be interpreted by younger females is that I no longer pose a threat in a woman's world; vying for those alpha males in the world.
Even at 70 I have older males approach me, flirt with me; even some younger ones (60s+). They are often men looking for companionship, an intelligent conversation, someone they feel valued by; or my IRA balance. lololol
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2 ReactionsPerception - ah, yes, perception. It may or may not be joke material, but "A woman is as old as she looks. A man isn't old until he stops looking." Yes, at 81, I still look.
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4 Reactions@capnjack why not look ?! It’s fun, nothing less, nothing more…not restricted to men…
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5 Reactions