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How do you change the perception of aging?
I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I mean a lot of thinking about aging and accepting certain facts that go with it. It's a tough job. I look in the mirror and the girl who I expect to see is no longer there. Where did she go? How long ago did she disappear? Has someone else taken her place? Why can't I accept what I see instead of being depressed? I've wondered what kind of changes I can make to be more accepting of myself.
For way too long "old age" myths, the media, and cosmetic industries have dictated how women should feel about themselves. What they say or imply is an injustice to women and enhances the notion that aging isn’t good. They want us to mask our looks, change the color of our hair, and let someone cut us so that our skin looks stretched and fresh and young! Looking young is not being young. The first thing that I have to get rid of is the term, "feeling old." Old is not a feeling. It's a fact, a state of being. So what does this mean? It means that I need other words to describe how I'm feeling. Perhaps I might be feeling low about something, or I'm in pain or feel lonely, feeble, burdensome, or demoralized. And these words are the words that describe me when I feel "old".
I can’t feel young either. Youth is not a feeling. But at times I feel energetic, courageous, beautiful, healthy, and active. Feeling well makes me feel that there is the promise of tomorrow, I'm happy and healthy-ish. I can't change the way I look or my genetic make-up. But I can strive to feel my best, and feel a sense of well-being and satisfaction in doing what is best for me. I can pursue what I know to be my purpose, my passions at this time. Not what I want to do or dream to do but things that make me feel whole, complete, wanted, needed, and loved. Purposes, my life passions, that make me think and feel whole. If this means putting color in my hair or trying a new lip color, then that’s what I’ll do. Not because I look “old or wan” but because I want to do it.
Because of my stage 4 lung cancer, my bucket list has changed. I no longer can think in terms of “Well I have plenty of time.” My bucket list consists of todays. What to do today, where do I go today, what do I read, eat, and think today. My lists no longer have unrealistic goals for the future but doctors' appointments, lab work, and rest. My plans are to do things that make me feel like I have a purpose and that I feel are important in everything I do, things that have meaning for me. My purpose for resting is so that I can later feel more refreshed for a walk, or meeting a friend. My purpose for drinking lots of water is so that I don't get dehydrated and feel ill. My purpose is to nag my husband to be careful on his runs, make sure his clothes are clean, and that he eats clean fresh food. My purpose is to hug him and tell him that I love him as much as I can. I need to feel fulfilled by talking to my son and maybe irritate him too. I’m a mother. It makes me feel good. My bucket list might not stretch very far into the future but it sure is full.
By changing how I think, with a different vocabulary, maybe I can help change the perception of aging. And this might help me so that when I look in the mirror I might see some of the old me and not the aged me.
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@sapphira- Just because I have some understanding of aging doesn't mean that I don't wish for youth, fewer lines, and better health. Congratulations on reaching 89! Now it's time to make the best of it! At your age, you can say anything you want and get away with it! 🙂 On Connect we stay away from discussions about politics. Connect is about patients comforting and supporting other patients. Stay healthy and thank you for such a nice compliment.
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3 ReactionsI am thankful for the years God has given me. I live in a retirement community, and enjoy my own apartment. I'm 88 and people frequently tell me I don't look or act my age. I believe being grateful and loving others is the key to living a life filled with joy and contentment. I lost my husband almost two years ago. We were married 62 years and he was the love of my life. I had to change gears and learn to live a different life. I think of each major change as a new challenge. Are they easy? No, but when I treat them as new challenges, I find them doable. My strength comes from my God. He is good. Life is short, enjoy each day as the beautiful gift it is.
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4 ReactionsGood morning, @merpreb. The sun is shining, the trees are leafy, the grass is green - what a beautiful day! We all can think of a place that we consider to be completely safe - a natural scene like a beach, a mountain, a forest. For me it’s standing under an open space staring at the wondrous stars at night. The stars have been there long before we were here and will remain long after we are gone. Yet without our perception of them would they be there to be appreciated? If we cannot physically be in our safe place, we can certainly find a quiet place around our own home, close our eyes, and put ourselves there. When you do so, think of all the good things you have done, think of all the smiles you have engendered, and think of what it is that you are grateful for on this day.
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2 ReactionsWOW!!! I so admire the forthright way you are dealing with yourself and your thoughts often echo what I think and feel when in my introspective mood. One thing that is first and foremost is distinguishing between what I really want/need and that of others or society. I am so encouraged by this post as often I am discouraged by things but this is so refreshing. Now I need to get on with today which is obviously the only time I can take action and pursue the things that are important to me. Thanks so very, very much!
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4 ReactionsI'll have to stand corrected re my mention of "politics," however I feel it fitted in with the ageism I see today, and was not really political in nature. Sorry if I went against the rules of the house.
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2 Reactions@sapphira, I am 3 months older than my husband. He claimed he chose me for my wisdom!
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2 Reactions@rosemarya I know a man who is 70. He told me, with a straight face, that he has a young wife. She is 69 1/2. Age, like beauty, can be in the eye of the beholder.
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4 Reactions@lagrange5 -It has worked for us. Married 45 years ago this day!
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3 ReactionsBravo and thanks for addressing this topic!!
A little of my background. Go back to mid 1970's and caught in between to societal waves. One pressure to get married, children, house, and the other side the beginning of the women's movement, bra burning, etc. Such confusion but married for 18 years then divorce. Times goes by quickly and now 65 years old, single, post menopausal, losing my beautiful hair and teeth but want to go out and dance, date ( when safe). Happened to mention to younger generation that I'd like to date and they asked me...you date??? If one has gray hair one is perceived as out to pasture giving the word "senior" a negative connotation. Senior just classifies a particular age group but cosmetic and clothing companies still primarily cater to the younger generations.
I too look in the mirror and don't recognize who I am now and it seems like it's happened overnight. My skin is drier and makeup needs to require better ingredients and applied with a lighter hand to enhance what is the current state of affairs for my face/skin. I still like to wear heels and be somewhat fashionable, but the gray hair and if I share my age changes other's perception of me.
Guess it's obvious I'm having a difficult time dealing with aging. So how can we help one another?
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1 Reaction@rosemarya Congratulations
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