HIGH ANXIETY

Posted by .harp player @amberpep, Feb 12, 2019

Right now, I am a mess ….. anxiety, fear ….. I can see myself sitting on the street in a box somewhere. I won't go into it, but some of you know what happened to all my money after my divorce, and it's been a struggle ever since. I've got 60 cents in my wallet, 1/8 tank of gas, I'm in the red at the bank, and I've been eating beans and rice for days. I've got a very tight budget, so I can't make it any tighter. I have read that after a divorce, if neither person is married, and there is a large discrepancy in money coming in, the alimony portion can be reopened. I'm thinking of doing that. I have to find a good lawyer in my area, a first rate one, who handles this sort of thing. The part I'm afraid of is I don't want to do anything to fracture my relationship with my kids …. it's far too precious to me. My S.S. comes in and goes right out to pay the rent. My son sends me some money monthly as does my oldest daughter. But they have no idea how tight life is for me. I'm ready to just give in and go to sleep.
abby

Hi. I'm sorry. I've been where you are. I suggest letting your kids know how you are struggling. I lied to my family and didn't let them know how bad things were and it made it worse. Can you get food stamps or any assistance like meals on wheels. Is it possible to move the a cheaper place? I know things are hard. I have serious medicals problems and was living in my car, so I know how you feel. What resources can you find to help you?

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@amberpep Are you part of a faith community that can lend you a hand? Are you sure your kids would turn against you if you reopened the alimony issue? If your situation has changed since the divorce, as far as income and expenses, it certainly should be revisited. Reach out to your friends, and remember we are here.
Ginger

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@amberpep Are there any women's shelter's in your area? These shelters sometimes have counselors to help women through tough times and learn how to get back on their feet. A church might be able to help you find counseling to help get you through this. Divorce is very hard on a person and draining. It sounds like your kids are grown up and on their own. I agree, you should tell them how hard your circumstances are. Are you unable to work and on disability? A lawyer would have to answer about alimony. Sometimes even when it's granted, it's hard to get them to pay, and legal battles get very expensive, and the stress is horrible and will pull you back into the battle that no one really wins.

Look inside yourself. Did some one convince you that you will not be able to make it on your own? Do you want to give power to that opinion….. or do you think it will be better to just wipe the slate clean and start over? I say this not with criticism. but with kindness. You have to believe that you have value. You have to start with a small step and build on that. Divorce is very ugly, and the more you fight that battle, the more you are swallowed by the anger. There is a saying that love is letting go of fear…… if you can let go of the fear and the anger, you can get past that and love yourself again. Make a commitment to help yourself get through this. Forgiveness isn't for the other person who treated you badly, it is for you, so you can let go of the anger that is eating your life and health. Find a place where your heart and mind can be calm. You may need to let the feelings out, and writing a journal would help you do that, so you don't have to constantly dwell on the words. If you can make a date with your kids just to get out and do something fun together, I think that would help you a lot. Just taking a walk might help, or just visit if possible. Give yourself permission to escape your troubles for a while, and use the date just for fun, and agree not to talk about things that upset you.

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@amberpep It is difficult to move on. I realize you gave up a life that was good for you. I can understand your anger/frustration. I gave up everything in a divorce to avoid the battles that go with it. I have always been one to walk away rather than fight even if means being left with little other than the court battles. It was not worth it to me. @jenniferhunter has made some good points. Trying to go back and get what you believe you are entitled to would only feed your ex and his ego. The best thing you can do is get on with your life and be happy which will be more irksome to the ex than watching you continue to try and get back at him. I cannot predict the future. From what I know you would be setting yourself up to lose even more. I do care.

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I thought I posted this before, but I guess I didn't. Right now I am just a mess. Financially, I'm pinching as tightly as I can, and I still don't make it. So, today I filled out the Indeed form hoping to find something – part-time ….. like Chick-fil- A, McDonalds, etc. I can only do part-time because I can't stand that long.
I worry at night, staying awake unless I take Melatonin, think about it every day, wondering how I'm going to pay my bills. It's got my anxiety and depression going real good! I didn't ask for alimony when I got the divorce because then I had plenty, but some circumstances over which I had no control entered, and poof ….. a lost of it was gone. I read on a Legal site that if neither party has gotten married, and there is a large discrepancy between the two parties, the alimony part of the divorce agreement can be reopened. I'm going to talk to my son about this because the last thing I want to do is fracture my relationship with my kids. Some days, it's just not worth it.
abby

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@amberpep

I thought I posted this before, but I guess I didn't. Right now I am just a mess. Financially, I'm pinching as tightly as I can, and I still don't make it. So, today I filled out the Indeed form hoping to find something – part-time ….. like Chick-fil- A, McDonalds, etc. I can only do part-time because I can't stand that long.
I worry at night, staying awake unless I take Melatonin, think about it every day, wondering how I'm going to pay my bills. It's got my anxiety and depression going real good! I didn't ask for alimony when I got the divorce because then I had plenty, but some circumstances over which I had no control entered, and poof ….. a lost of it was gone. I read on a Legal site that if neither party has gotten married, and there is a large discrepancy between the two parties, the alimony part of the divorce agreement can be reopened. I'm going to talk to my son about this because the last thing I want to do is fracture my relationship with my kids. Some days, it's just not worth it.
abby

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Hi, @amberpep – just wanted to let you know I moved your recent message here to this discussion you started previously, "High Anxiety," so that you could follow up in conversation with those you were talking with before about how things were going and your anxiety.

If you ever want to see where you may have posted before, click on your profile image at the upper right of any page (for yours, the green plaid image), and go to "My Profile" in the menu that appears below it. If you scroll down on this page, you will see a listing of every post you've ever made on Connect. Hopefully this will be useful in locating where you may have posted previously.

When are you looking to talk to your son about the divorce agreement? Are there any social services organizations for seniors in your area that might be able to provide consult, @amberpep?

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