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Help! My husband refuses to shower. It’s been 2 weeks now.

Posted by cheryl16 @cheryl16, 1 day ago

My husband who has mid stage Alzheimer’s just refuses to shower or bathe. He used to shower every morning but since his disease progressed, he refuses to get wet. He won’t even get near the shower and gets aggressive if pushed too hard. I thought I’d try getting into the shower with him but that didn’t work. I can’t get him to use a wash cloth either. I bought dry shampoo and he resists that but I’m going to try again. I think his psychiatrist will tell me to increase his meds but he’s already on 450 mgs of Seroquel to control aggressive behavior and he sleeps a lot during the day. I’m not ready for him to turn into a potted plant!

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celia16 | @celia16 | 11 hours ago

That can be frustrating. I dealt with something similar with my older cousin when she had dementia. Initially, I tried to care for her in her home, but it became too much for one caregiver in the home. I would talk positively about bathing and promise all the good things that would happen afterwards, like a drive, her favorite music video, ice cream, etc. She would whine and protest, but we got through it. Later, she would refuse help bathing in the regular assisted living facility. Resistance to care in general became a problem and then wandering. So, I had her moved to Memory Care. There, they knew how to manage her care and she got 3 showers a week. No problem. The staff are trained professionals and they did an excellent job of managing her care, including bathing.

An aversion to water is common with dementia. Many experience it. For some people it might fade.

I hope you can find help. Some people get outside help, like a bath aid. We got my dad that, but he refuses to allow it. So, I’m looking at facilities for placement now.

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cheryl16 | @cheryl16 | 5 hours ago
In reply to @celia16 "That can be frustrating. I dealt with something similar with my older cousin when she had..." + (show)
@celia16

That can be frustrating. I dealt with something similar with my older cousin when she had dementia. Initially, I tried to care for her in her home, but it became too much for one caregiver in the home. I would talk positively about bathing and promise all the good things that would happen afterwards, like a drive, her favorite music video, ice cream, etc. She would whine and protest, but we got through it. Later, she would refuse help bathing in the regular assisted living facility. Resistance to care in general became a problem and then wandering. So, I had her moved to Memory Care. There, they knew how to manage her care and she got 3 showers a week. No problem. The staff are trained professionals and they did an excellent job of managing her care, including bathing.

An aversion to water is common with dementia. Many experience it. For some people it might fade.

I hope you can find help. Some people get outside help, like a bath aid. We got my dad that, but he refuses to allow it. So, I’m looking at facilities for placement now.

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Thanks Celia for sharing your experience. You were fortunate to find a memory care unit with staff who knew how to do this. They are not all like that, I’ve found. Actually if you are in the NYC area, would you mind sharing the name of the facility. I will also look into finding a bath aide. He won’t let his regular aides touch him at all.
I so appreciate your advice.
Happy Holidays.

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