He wants a divorce; we are both turning 70

Thank you very much. It is really nice to be on here and not feel invisible. Knowing there are some peers out there who understand this journey of aging and financial tightroping.

All of you: thank you so very much! We got this!

Pretty much divided it 50/50. We own the home we both live in now. I took the land because I plan to stay here; he will be selling the house. I have designed a VERY small home to be built on the land.

Cannot sell the land because I would lose so much money in the sale; we purchased the home in the real estate market bubble of 2021. Part of the reason I bought the land was I was going to do Christian counseling and recovery for abused women. I had designed a larger house so I'd have more space for group counseling, etc; but that went out the window as I simply cannot afford the larger design now that he has decided he is leaving. 3-4 years have been put into this goal...but then he tells me he has "other goals" now and doesn't like my goal any longer.

Wish I could put a modular home on the land, but it has a private covenant that requires a masonry home. Thank heavens it doesn't have a minimum size requirement because the new design is only 875 sf. Have been searching and searching for a contractor to build for less than $300. a square foot...

The thought just occurred to me, perhaps I should go church to church in town, asking pastors if they have any trustworthy contractor types who want to build it for $200-250 a sf because that is my high end budget.

Good thing is, spouse can't sell this house before I get that house built. Unless he gets a lawyer and gets impatient waiting for me to get this house built.

Neither of us wants a lawyer. Lawyers charge $400.00 and hour. I simply do not have money to get a lawyer, neither does he want to get a lawyer.

I’m so sorry. But please take care of yourself, don’t give up on life, and use a good divorce attorney. As an option, if your finances require it, are you in a field where you could find another job? I found one of the best jobs I ever had at age 66, and after being part-time employed for 10 years. Despite what you hear, the unexpected sometimes happens. And be prepared for some good luck after all the bad.

I didn't feel your suggestion was rude or ridiculous.

I wish I were the social type, the type who enjoyed watercolors, beading, quilting, arts and crafts, card games, pottery making.

Things I associate with senior activity centers.

I am more into hiking, astronomy, physics, science, woodworking, home design, mechanical things, landscaping, farming, and things like working on cars.

Yes, life is hard..maybe I am having a pity party...I don't know; just tired.

Thank you. All is going well so far.

slarson14 here is a thought comming from a males perspective, has there been enough time for the anger to have dropped for both of you so the two of you can sit down and talk and find out what went wrong or what happened? Let me be very frank on this, what ever is said, listen and keep your composure do not get defensive, make a list of all the good things the two of you had and a list of bad things this list is only for you not to be brought up unless something in the conversation pertains to the list. Along time ago in a college course money was said to be the main reason for marriages to fail, you mentioned a trip he wanted you both to go on but was funded by money in an IRA, Just maybe a verbal fight got out of hand things were said that were not really true. Ask yourself do you love this guy, could we save this marriage, just talk and listen no need to get mad you both might learn something. Being in the same house tells me you two are civil to each other, no reason why you two can't talk it out. Good luck

We are civil to each other as we are both adults who know life is too short for either of us to be less than all we can be.

I committed to providing a safe place for women, a Christian retreat if you will, may years ago when I was baptized as an adult. Apparently he didn't take me seriously when I talked about my retreat dreams but when I make commitment to God, I will do whatever it takes to provide what I've promised.

This week many things have been discussed and many things have happened which further re-enforced our belief that this is the best course of action.

We paired up when neither of us were "whole". We have helped each other grow the most we can. I can no longer live with someone I cannot fully trust or someone who is explosive and throws things when he is frustrated or angry.

Further, he will be unable to honor my wished to never place me in a nursing home and I know he would be a terrible caregiver because over the last ten years he has shown me he is basically a lazy person who constantly says: "This is good enough" rather than "I did the best I can". When I am debilitated or in a wheelchair I won't be able to live with my personal hygiene and meals just being "this is good enough - in his eyes". I want a partner who's best is my best, and we are far from that. And he is too cheap to hire and supervise GOOD assistance or come check on me in a nursing home if I happen to go to one.

Maybe I am being petty....but our standards are so different it scares me I will end up with a backside full of bedsores and septic within 6 months of entering a nursing home. Or he will forget to feed me because baseball is on.

I am a realist. I'd rather be alone than depend on him for anything vital like my well being. After all, when we married, who was forced to pay the insurance premiums to ensure I could pay off our mutually held house? Me. He said it "wasn't important" to him, so he said "If you want it buy it." That certainly isn't love...in my eyes.

Am done; I can be civil and happy while the house sells. I have a best friend who has offered me a place until I can find a job and she needs me to drive her places and be company for her. We are a bit like sisters.

I did get an interview with a school district and got hired. This is only the second job offer and hire in 12 years after disability. It is a sign from God that he also thinks I need to move on.