He wants a divorce; we are both turning 70

@slarson14 Thanks for sharing that about the contractor. Interesting, isn’t it, how these serendipitous encounters can lead to something meaningful?

Yes. It was like a message from God to not forget to look to Him first.

Hi Slarson,
I know exactly how you feel when they won't hire you. I went through the same thing when I was in my middle forties and back then in the early 1990's, being a woman was looked on as defective as far as hiring was concerned. I had good work experience and a Master's degree but that didn't phase them at all. I finally found a job working as a desk clerk in a Seattle hotel but that didn't really fit with the Master's degree but it did buy the groceries. Plus it turned out to be a really fun job. It was near the University of Washington so we had guests from all over the world who had business at the University. I enjoyed meeting people from England, Russia, Africa, China, Japan etc. I amazed myself at how good I could communicate with people who didn't speak much English and I don't speak another language.

Keep looking and you will find the right job for you; even at 70! I would think that they would want someone who liked working as you do. Say a prayer about it and God will direct you to the right job. I'll say a prayer for you also.
I wish you the best!
PML

I will move forward👍 not wallow 👍

@slarson14 Did you divide all real estate assets 50/50? Do you still own a house together in his home state? If he “gave” you the land, did he keep the other house? You deserve half of all assets.
What if you sell the real estate and rent income based elderly housing? Building a home is very expensive. Or, you could look at putting a mobile home or prefab tiny home on the land. Is it a lot or acreage? Could you build a duplex and rent one side to help make payments? I don’t know the zoning of your lot, but look at all the possibilities. Where are you living right now? You don’t need to be homeless. There has to be a way.

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and understanding what it is like trying to get hired - somewhere.

Three years ago, I left my spouse because we were doing nothing but arguing over HIS choice not to wear his great hearing aides! For 7 years he just kept blaming me for not doing as he wanted and: "come stand directly in front of me, if you want to speak to me" ; "don't mumble" (I do not mumble); his not wearing them was making him a cranky old man and his frustration at having to constantly use his brain to decipher language made him a bear to me as well as when he was in public - he got mad at other people for not speaking loud and mumbling, too! It was horrible. And the volume of the television? Even at the volume he kept it at he would STILL ask me "What did they say?"....it was just unlivable. However: when he'd wear to do that if he'd have just agreed to put in his hearing aides and wear them. I EVEN went out and got hearing aides MYSELF to try to set an example that it was no big deal to wear hearing aides, no shame, no effort, etc.

SO: when I left him that time, I told him I would come back when he took responsibility for HIS hearing loss. I did get a job as a counter clerk at a donut shop for three months. (That is how long it took for my spouse to come to the reality it was his hearing that was creating communication issues.) I dearly loved the work and it was the first time I'd been hired in 9 years. It was only $11.30 an hour; she moved me up to shift manager and closer (on my own). The way I got it was just getting to know the owner and then she hired me! It was fabulous. I ended up leaving because I could not support myself, my car broke down and I didn't have $ to fix it on just my income, and I began getting bouts of high blood pressure and ended up in ERs (thank God I had insurance) and then spouse decided to promise to wear the hearing aides if I'd "come home".

I have tried finding a job over and over since I have been back home, but this is a smaller town. Tucson vs San Antonio - MANY more jobs in San Antonio. Tucson is a retirement town, and the job market is tight.

But your encouragement gives me hope! Thank you SO much.

Pretty much divided it 50/50. We own the home we both live in now. I took the land because I plan to stay here; he will be selling the house. I have designed a VERY small home to be built on the land.

Cannot sell the land because I would lose so much money in the sale; we purchased the home in the real estate market bubble of 2021. Part of the reason I bought the land was I was going to do Christian counseling and recovery for abused women. I had designed a larger house so I'd have more space for group counseling, etc; but that went out the window as I simply cannot afford the larger design now that he has decided he is leaving. 3-4 years have been put into this goal...but then he tells me he has "other goals" now and doesn't like my goal any longer.

Wish I could put a modular home on the land, but it has a private covenant that requires a masonry home. Thank heavens it doesn't have a minimum size requirement because the new design is only 875 sf. Have been searching and searching for a contractor to build for less than $300. a square foot...

The thought just occurred to me, perhaps I should go church to church in town, asking pastors if they have any trustworthy contractor types who want to build it for $200-250 a sf because that is my high end budget.

Good thing is, spouse can't sell this house before I get that house built. Unless he gets a lawyer and gets impatient waiting for me to get this house built.

Neither of us wants a lawyer. Lawyers charge $400.00 and hour. I simply do not have money to get a lawyer, neither does he want to get a lawyer.

@slarson14
No, you don’t want to die and we don’t want you to die!

Hang in there and stay focused as to how you will survive.

Find who are the best divorce attorneys in your area and get a free consultation with the top 5. This will eliminate your husband from using the top 5!

It sounds like he is a master manipulator and scammer. Don’t feel bad about what you have done, you can’t change that so make it moot.
You can however, make plans on being financially better.
This is why you need an attorney. A good attorney can get you a portion of his retirement, disability and social security. This won’t be 50% because of the years of marriage but they can get you a portion and you deserve it!

Don’t let him produce a pity party for himself in attempt to get you to not pursuing his $.
If he wants the divorce then make him pay for your attorney and give you a % of his income!

Don’t waste time, research the attorneys ASAP and get your consolations fast!
Do not under any circumstances let him know you’re meeting with attorneys!
He most likely will use a veterans attorney so he won’t have to pay money, so with you not giving him opportunity to speak with the top 5 will help you!

I’m hoping the best for you and please keep us informed.
In the meantime, please don’t think of dying!

Jody

@slarson14 I am sorry you are going through all of this! It is hard aging as a single person financially. I understand. I have thought about much of the same, but from a slightly different perspective. I am almost 64, long time divorced and working full time, but don’t know if I will ever be able to afford to retire. I have been afraid to get into a long term relationship or married because of the very situation you find yourself in now. Even if one was able to have a roommate or roommates (golden girls style) what if they left for some reason and one couldn’t afford the household expenses. Inflation has been so hard on everyone in the last 4+ years. Health is also a factor. It sounds like you, too, are a survivor and have inner strength drawing on your faith. Just replying to you has made me realize that there is always a way. In my job I speak with many people in financial difficulties, and cannot imagine how some survive on so little. It can be done. I will pray you find work and peace in your situation. Do you have family near? Maybe like you said, getting involved in a church could lead to more connections for several aspects of your life, including employment. It is my experience that when we are at our weakest He is strong for us when we call out to Him. Hugs and prayers!

Am going to try to at least find something. I have applied to fast food, gas stations, all the big box stores. Am going to my third job fair this next week. Am very tired of applying - especially online! It is always crickets. I was offered a job with the VA, a registered nursing position I was qualified for - waded through 9 MONTHS of "we are bringing you onboard" and then they sent me an email saying "We are rescinding our offer because we can't verify you took (this course titled "Nursing Skills Update - which took 48 hours...in labs and cost be $200.00)". I had given them my certificate - but they said when they called the college to verify, the instructor could not give a reference because she had died!! That wasn't my fault, but that is the reason they rescinded a full time job, govt healthcare. I was so upset, as it is so unfair.

I don't think it was that issue: I think they found out how old I was and just made an excuse. The certificate should have done the job as far as "Recent Experience" goes....grrrrr.