He wants a divorce; we are both turning 70

slarson14 hang on to whatever is left of your IRA and don’t let that man manipulate you into staying any longer. He may try that, now that you have a job and he can see you as a source of income for him again.

He HAS been exceptionally nice since I got the job.

No surprise there! Am not saying he is or isn't a male version of a "Gold Digger" but sadly, opportunist and lazy user does come to mind.

I still feel like a blind idiot.
But getting a job has made me happily looking forward to my future because I am still able to take care of my self financially.

Whew!

We are civil to each other as we are both adults who know life is too short for either of us to be less than all we can be.

I committed to providing a safe place for women, a Christian retreat if you will, may years ago when I was baptized as an adult. Apparently he didn't take me seriously when I talked about my retreat dreams but when I make commitment to God, I will do whatever it takes to provide what I've promised.

This week many things have been discussed and many things have happened which further re-enforced our belief that this is the best course of action.

We paired up when neither of us were "whole". We have helped each other grow the most we can. I can no longer live with someone I cannot fully trust or someone who is explosive and throws things when he is frustrated or angry.

Further, he will be unable to honor my wished to never place me in a nursing home and I know he would be a terrible caregiver because over the last ten years he has shown me he is basically a lazy person who constantly says: "This is good enough" rather than "I did the best I can". When I am debilitated or in a wheelchair I won't be able to live with my personal hygiene and meals just being "this is good enough - in his eyes". I want a partner who's best is my best, and we are far from that. And he is too cheap to hire and supervise GOOD assistance or come check on me in a nursing home if I happen to go to one.

Maybe I am being petty....but our standards are so different it scares me I will end up with a backside full of bedsores and septic within 6 months of entering a nursing home. Or he will forget to feed me because baseball is on.

I am a realist. I'd rather be alone than depend on him for anything vital like my well being. After all, when we married, who was forced to pay the insurance premiums to ensure I could pay off our mutually held house? Me. He said it "wasn't important" to him, so he said "If you want it buy it." That certainly isn't love...in my eyes.

Am done; I can be civil and happy while the house sells. I have a best friend who has offered me a place until I can find a job and she needs me to drive her places and be company for her. We are a bit like sisters.

I did get an interview with a school district and got hired. This is only the second job offer and hire in 12 years after disability. It is a sign from God that he also thinks I need to move on.

We are civil to each other as we are both adults who know life is too short for either of us to be less than all we can be.

I committed to providing a safe place for women, a Christian retreat if you will, may years ago when I was baptized as an adult. Apparently he didn't take me seriously when I talked about my retreat dreams but when I make commitment to God, I will do whatever it takes to provide what I've promised.

This week many things have been discussed and many things have happened which further re-enforced our belief that this is the best course of action.

We paired up when neither of us were "whole". We have helped each other grow the most we can. I can no longer live with someone I cannot fully trust or someone who is explosive and throws things when he is frustrated or angry.

Further, he will be unable to honor my wished to never place me in a nursing home and I know he would be a terrible caregiver because over the last ten years he has shown me he is basically a lazy person who constantly says: "This is good enough" rather than "I did the best I can". When I am debilitated or in a wheelchair I won't be able to live with my personal hygiene and meals just being "this is good enough - in his eyes". I want a partner who's best is my best, and we are far from that. And he is too cheap to hire and supervise GOOD assistance or come check on me in a nursing home if I happen to go to one.

Maybe I am being petty....but our standards are so different it scares me I will end up with a backside full of bedsores and septic within 6 months of entering a nursing home. Or he will forget to feed me because baseball is on.

I am a realist. I'd rather be alone than depend on him for anything vital like my well being. After all, when we married, who was forced to pay the insurance premiums to ensure I could pay off our mutually held house? Me. He said it "wasn't important" to him, so he said "If you want it buy it." That certainly isn't love...in my eyes.

Am done; I can be civil and happy while the house sells. I have a best friend who has offered me a place until I can find a job and she needs me to drive her places and be company for her. We are a bit like sisters.

I did get an interview with a school district and got hired. This is only the second job offer and hire in 12 years after disability. It is a sign from God that he also thinks I need to move on.

It sounds like you are VERY lucky to be getting rid of someone who seems
to be using you. A good lawyer is a necessity. I got divorced at age 60 & my lawyer & my accountant made sure the judge understood the finances & my role in them.
Would you be comfortable explaining why you married him in the
first place?

Let me give you both some sound financial advice. If you get a divorce you both will have half of your IRA. If you have enough money in your IRA to afford a trip to Europe take the trip. Talk to your financial advisor.
If you are in good health consider yourselves fortunate. I can promise you one thing. If you get a divorce over whether you take a trip at your age you will guarantee you have money worries because you will both have half as much and no way to make any more money.
There are reasons to get a divorce and this is not one of them. Enjoy the trip.

My IRA isn't a community asset.
I didn't earn the money in it after we married, but before, years ago.

All money I have taken out of it has gone first into my checking, I had before we married, and then into our bank accounts which co-mingles it. It has been very easy to see a trail of what I spent it on: all our fun, our trips, our property taxes, our land, our house, our furnishings, etc.

Any money that stays in my IRA? I owned before marriage and is not community property.

I have kept strict records so as to easily see where any co-mingling has occurred.

His furnishings, house- which both had loans on, and car before I married him were pretty much "junk" or at most "very frugal" and very poorly maintained; stuff was growing out of the house gutters and his garage was literally falling down.

Now he is going to walk away with:
enough money to easily replace that house with something way better than the one that was falling apart around him due to his laziness; and a whole lot nicer furnishings and a NEW 2024 car.

He says won't pay me back for the 2024 car I paid cash for right out of my IRA last year. Stupid me.

He never mentioned he was unhappy until very recently.
I see - and admit - the writing on the wall. Finally.