Guilt of being a transplant recipient

Different folks look at that differently. I think maybe it is just meant to be. So glad that liver has worked out for you. For me my liver transplant has given me two more years (so far) to be with wife , kids, grandkids , etc as I had liver cancer. I don't feel guilt as the liver had to go someone and it was a perfect match for me. Also with different blood types it is possible it may have not been used by anyone. I am glad you are still standing as I bet your friends and family are to. I don't think you "owe" anyone anything for receiving your transplant (except a thanks to the donors family, Mayo and your caregiver). But my advice is to relax and enjoy your extra time. You are still standing ! (---: Prayers up for your anxiety.

I too suffered from tremendous guilt during the nearly 2 year period between the onset of my illness and my ultimate transplant more than 4 years ago. I had a very difficult time getting my head around the fact that someone had to die in order for me to live. Plus the whole idea of having someone else’s body part was Frankenstein-ish to me. I spent 2 years in and out of the hospital with recurring sepsis, ERCPs, liver stents in and out, I received 7 calls for possible transplant -6 of which failed. In one of my last hospitalizations prior to my transplant - I shared my feelings with a hospital chaplain who visited with me. I told him that I had lived my life (62) and had had a good life, a wonderful wife and family, and that with all the calls I had received - perhaps it was just not meant to be - there must be someone more deserving. The chaplain’s words have stayed with me ever since. He said that I was thinking about this all wrong- that life was like a relay race. He said that ultimately, my donor’s time and purpose on Earth had been fulfilled - and that they were passing me the baton - so that I could fulfill my purpose here on Earth - whatever that purpose might be. Essentially that my time had not come - and that the Universe had more plans for me. These words changed my perspective, and I have chosen to live by them. I rise each day and see the world through a different lens. I am forever grateful for my donor and their family to make the decision to donate their loved ones organs. This ultimate gift has allowed me to resume my life - with renewed hope as I try to fulfill the purpose the Universe has for me. I have received the gift of time and I have every intention of living my life to the fullest. Hoping the same for you. Carpe diem!

I have gone through many of the same issues. I found seeing Rebecca Perry at the Mayo psychiatric department has been a tremendous help in working me through those issues. I encourage you to make an appointment. Charlie

I am so glad that you were able to receive a liver that extends your life. It is truly a gift of immeasurable proportions. So.. enjoy that gift and spend quality time with your loved ones and help others when you can. Life is short even when there are no health challenges. Your concerns are normal by the way. We all wonder why I am so lucky. You are just as important as other beings on this planet and you are deserving of this gift. Wishing you the best extended life you can possibly imagine. Smiles and hugs for you.

Good afternoon from Canada 🇨🇦🍁. I know exactly what you're speaking about. I had so much guilt before my liver transplant and after my liver transplant. I still have a bit of guilt. I think we've carried that through the rest of our lives. We will always be asking ourselves. Am I worthy? Am I doing the right thing? I found it was difficult until I met my donor's Mum. My donor was a young man. He did not even have a driver's license. It's kind of a long story, but I kind of knew who my donor was before I met his Mum. As there was a young man that attempted suicide by cop and a little strip mall walking distance from my home, then on the news they interviewed his dad and he talked about they were going to donate his organs and I remember saying to myself, what a blessing. Somebody's going to get an organ, not even thinking that I would be that recipient. I received my organ on the Canada Thanksgiving weekend. About a year later I received a letter from his Mum. Through thoughtful prayer and discussion with my husband, I decided to respond. We started with letters then it moved right into telephone to texting. We met in person at a local Tim Hortons which was close to where her son shot himself. It was a very difficult meeting but I will tell you meeting her has alleviated so much guilt and grief. She is a beautiful person and her family made the ultimate sacrifice of which I get to be alive today to see my grandchild grow up. We see each other at least four times a year. She lives in a community close to where I live. I remember her on mother's Day, Christmas, her birthday, my donor's birthday. I even call her Mum. We have a very special relationship. Also, we have a relationship with the lung recipient. The three of us get together regular because we share something that nobody else will ever share. Everyone's journey before, during and after transplant is different, I wish you the very best in your journey guidance through faith, love of family and maybe the opportunity to meet your donor family and see what a wonderful gift it is and they can see what their gift has meant to you. I am not the recipient that runs marathons and jumps out of airplanes and bungee jumps in the canyon. I'm not like that. I am just appreciative and grateful that I'm alive to see my first grandchild. Many blessings from a fellow transplant recipient from Canada. 🍁🇨🇦❤️

Oh I forgot to also add something that I've told myself numerous times over the last 5 and 1/2 years my donor did not die to give me his liver. I received his liver because he died.

@footballmum Thank you for your response. I really appreciated you taking the time to write it. I have read responses from others on here and I love that we are here to help each other through these times. Lately I have been reaching out to some people who are going through the process of seeing if they are able to be put on the transplant list. The easy part is saying well this is what they want to hear, see and you should do. The hard part is reliving the experiences to answer questions like how bad does it get, was it worth it, would you go through this again. What to expect. Remembering routines what I could do, what I learned I could eat or not eat. Reliving the pain and memories, I had a surgery to repair a failed liver stint while I was awake and alert just to have another botched surgery. All the paracentesis. I don’t want to scare people by telling them all of what you are really going to go through because I don’t want to deter them. It’s amazing the relationship you get with your para team. I remember a nurse telling me she loves her para patients. I asked her why, she said “because we get to know you” that’s how often we see them. It’s a lot of nightmares I want to forget. I just want to be able to help others but while doing so it’s funny how I end up needing help myself. I don’t really talk to my wife about it. She has a hard time thinking about it. I just wrote this because I feel I needed to say this to someone who probably can understand and that maybe just saying this and getting off my chest a bit can help.

Good evening
Thank you for sharing.it is a very tough road and one that unfortunately our loved ones don't fully understand. They don't get it when we don't bounce back really quickly. They don't get it when we don't feel like eating when just sips of water,feel like you're drowning already. That's why I like this Mayo clinic group. We all have the same experience with different outcomes. Godspeed to you! 💗

I felt horrible after my transplant and at times suicidal which isn’t me at all I still have PTSD from the whole experience 3 years later I take it day by day, I prayed for it and received my liver transplant in a 7 month span so not much time to think about it till afterwards. I am almost 66 and swim nearly everyday at my club , I think I give hope to others no matter what they are ailing , cancer, joint replacements, back surgeries, that is my most supportive group I have besides my girlfriend, the rest of my family turned on me because they all got caught trying to steal all my assets while in ICU I was near death and they gambled on it , that’s is my biggest problem with getting a transplant I didn’t have that on my bingo card , I feel very blessed to be alive and thankful Jesus kept me going, I do forgive my family it just isn’t the same they exposed who they really are, I feel I’m the richest man in the room and the most blessed truthfully, everyone has their own story we are all here for a purpose feel blessed with it and nothing else.