Feeling untethered

What a thought provoking post. I’m so grateful to have someone put into words what I’m feeling.

Untethered. It’s such an accurate description of how I feel.

I’m 62 years old. After ending treatment I have had almost 4 years of no evidence of my stage 4 incurable appendix cancer. But I know it will come again and my time is limited. In a way it is freeing and I’m floating like a balloon in the breeze. In other ways it’s strange not being anchored and being so aware of my impermanence

Wishing you a happy new year and may life be good ❤️‍🩹

It's a good word, and better than "anxious, depressed, angry, confused etc". However in certain circumstances, it isn't exactly like the synonyms mentioned either. Even though I live my life with responsibility, enjoyment and a certain amount of freedom, due to my age there is the awareness that those synonyms (unleashed, unbounded, free etc) are due to losses or " the last time I may do this" and attempt to be mindful to enjoy it. For instance I put on christmas dinner every year for my big family. I'm feeling I can't do this anymore due to my decreasing energy. BUT I LOVE to do it, so l'll be untethered due to where I am in life. My task will be to move on and change my thinking to enjoying being untethered..but I need to do some mental work on that still, as I'd rather not be untethered from certain things I've always done

@greengold ~ Really well expressed! I remember the last time I drove away from my daughter's home in Indianapolis is 2019, knowing I would not be able to make that drive from Iowa any more. Pretty somber, but I am so blessed and grateful for the MANY wonderful memories that those trip afforded. I can say that about all the things I have had to discontinue...the great times and relationships remain and are strengthened no matter who picks up the baton. My daughter and her family make the trips here now, where most of her family lives, and the memory-making continues. Life is good.

Courtney Cole has a beautiful song titled "Untethered"... Listen, and I'll bet you can relate. I can. "I'm letting go of every hold on me."

@greengold
You may have misunderstood my definition of untethered. As I previously said in my 70's and 80's I felt of this world. Now I am 91. I am healthy and independent. I drive and have no medical issues. But I am aware that our bodies are not designed to live much longer than 90. So I do not feel so connected to the actual world. I feel I am closer to leaving this actual world even though I am in good shape. Very difficult to explain because it is a feeling. Perhaps it is knowing that at any moment I could no longer be here.

@capnjack
Thanks for the song. I just listened and it's beautiful. It speaks a message to me in a way I needed to hear just now.

@thisismarilynb Many live to 100 and a bit beyond. With what you have said., you are one of the fortunate ones, no medical issues. It sounds like you might be one of the ones to live to 100....you know that is possible. Still there will always be a moment that comes up when we ask ourselves, tell ourselves....when, where and how. As we have heard, there are two things in life for sure....taxes and death. A fact of life.
I believe, and you must also, that which makes the difference......such as helping our ourselves mentally, physically and emotionally to deal with the known and unknown is so important. You must be doing a good 'job' of that that considering "I am healthy and independent. I drive and have no medical issues." In all things quality and not quantity matters.
Also as you know, at any age we "could no longer be here."
So take your walks and experience the awe in the little things we see as we walk....it's the little things, as you know, that can bring us joy and moments of awe.
Barbara

@greengold I wonder if you might like to share your Christmas Dinner menus with individuals in the family....with giving certain individuals, sharing one dish/menu for a person to learn your method and menu ...to be responsible and learning your menu to bring to your home each year. They of course can message/call you if needing your advice and suggestion in how to prepare it etc.
Many good things could come from that and what a joy to know they will have learned how to cook your Christmas dish and carry it on through the years. You of course decide what you can manage and do without needing to have all the time and energy it takes to do the entire dinner yourself.
Actually I wish my Mom had done that.......If she had then we would know for sure how she prepared the foods and not have to say: 'It's just not like what Mother made, I wonder what she did differently." Instead one would be able to say with pride: "It's just like Mother made."
Hope this is a possible idea that sounds possible and comfortable as a solution for when needed.
Barbara

@jofree
Hi,
I'm glad I could be of some help. I hope it works out for your renewal. That is so nice that you and your wife pray daily! It makes such a difference in your life and is especially important with the world being so negative today. It sounds like you live in a beautiful place! I haven't seen a dirt road in over 50 years! They used to be everywhere when I was growing up! It's nice to know there are still some around.

I admire the fact that you and your wife ride bikes often at your age. It keeps you healthy and you get to see God's beautiful work at the same time!

I wish you the best with your renewal.
PML

@blm1007blm1007
thank you for your response. I have started sharing traditional recipes, making them with grandchildren.
That is just one loss amongst many , and when we are fortunate to live a long life, it entails the realization the we don't have the feelings of permanence and groundedness that we had in our 60's and 70's, but a feeling untetheredness as we go into advanced age. We have to find other ways that fit with our decreasing energy (mental and physical) to stay connected, relevant and still engaged with living. I am just starting to explore how I will do that.