Family making anxiety and depression worse

Hi, @strongbutterfly -- I can imagine all this drama with family, with fighting, dig comments or just not being supportive would be hurtful and hard. I'd like to tag some of our members who are familiar with or have experienced anxiety and depression for their thoughts on the idea of family making things worse with these conditions, like @hopeful33250 @gman007 @contentandwell @mscosette @amberpep @coloradogirl and @nanke99.

What is contributing the most to making your life feel like complete chaos right now?

When my son visits, my husband is constantly critical of me and him. The thing is, he loves our son and I do not understand. He cannot abide our daughter-in-law at all. (she no longer visits) We only have the one son who lives 9hrs away. We lost our younger son, but he was the same way toward him. My husband is actually a people person and most people really like him. I have tried talking to him and it didn't help at all. It breaks my heart, plus I become real anxious when our son visits, but I want him to come. I love him dearly.

Could he be attempting to hide his strong feelings possibly of grief, guilt, or some such feeling? And it comes out as (unjustified to you and your son) anger? Maybe he would benefit greatly from speaking to someone and getting his feelings out. You've said that you lost your younger son and I'm so sorry to hear that and may you be comforted among the others who mourn. Would he talk about his feelings about that loss, grief or whatever else it is, and then his anger might go away.

Thanks for your reply. Perhaps, and this is why we try to forgive. He had a very unhappy childhood and wasn't a good family man while the boys were growing up. He has changed in many ways now. but seems to want to be in constant control. He has talked to me about his grief and desire to have do-overs, which none of us get. When I have tried to talk to him about his put downs of his sons, his niece and sister, his response is that he wants us to be "perfect". I believe this is so he will look good, but I even understand this because he feels everyone looked down on his family. They lost their mom when he was very young and his dad was an alcoholic. He has been an excellent provider, but it's been rough emotionally. It has seemed in the past that he cared more about other people than his family. Both sons and I have dealt with depression. I am concerned about the living son who also now has Parkinson's Disease. I am now living closer to God and am sorry this was not always the case. God sustains me. He is my strength and comfort.

Well, I can say I am not alone with family stuff. I say nothing about my health and stay superficial. So far my 3 year old grandson adores me. This is a comfort.

@liz223 This is such odd behavior since you do feel he loves your son. Obviously, as stressedmesseddeppressed commented there is something going on within his own mind.
You mention that he wants to be in control. My husband does also, it's extremely annoying and after many, many years of marriage I finally started speaking up more, which of course he was not crazy about. Although he tried to control both my son and my daughter in many ways he would never say anything hurtful to them and if anything he goes too much the other way.
It would be good if your husband would talk to someone about his feelings and try to figure out why he is so critical but if he is anything like my husband that is not going to happen.
JK

You're blessed to have an adoring grandson. I do not have grandchildren. I cannot stay superficial. I think I would explode or have another breakdown. Blessings.

@parus, As it should be. I have three and the oldest, a girl, wanted to hang with G (me) on the last day she was out of school. I was so excited that she wanted to see me instead of a play day with friends at the Y. I was not feeling great but played as long and hard as possible - God gives blessings when he takes away. After becoming disabled, mostly because my pain would not allow me to work and the pain meds make me unhirable, I was able to spend many days on the golf course with my Dad up until about 6 mos prior to his passing a couple of years ago. Days I am not sure I would trade for good health!

@liz223 Yes I am blessed. I have to remain superficial and passive or will not ever see my grandson again. Threats are cruel. Mostly it is the children who pay the price. Back to you on the blessings. I saw an American Goldfinch this morning starting to dawn it's summer plumage. I see this as blessed. Cold out and that little ray of sunshine outside my window was a blessing.

@gman007 You betcha! Yes He does.