Doing things to relieve depression... Motivation and ideas

Posted by mscosette @mscosette, Mar 22, 2018

Hi I just started with Mayo Clinic connect yesterday. I noticed a couple people commented on motivation. This is something that I definitely can relate to and would like to discuss with others.
I have struggled with depression since my teens I and now 57 I’ve been seeing a wonderful psychiatrist for many years, take depression meds, and have been in and out of therapy. My clinical depression is pretty well controlled.
However I am finding myself very lonely and vulnerable.
And I want to fight this. There are things I know I need to do that would help me. But I’m not doing them.
Basically I sleep, work, watch TV and overeat at times.
My goals right now are to exercise, do what I need to do to be around people more. Really anything rather than watching television all evening would be better for me.
What has worked for other people? I thought it would be helpful to have people that I can share these types of issues with.

The image comes from Pixabay and the letters are done with PicsArt. I don't charge for such art work. It helps to add punch to your posts on Google Local business. My feel good medicine.

PicsArt_05-03-05

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@parus

Lonely and vulnerable are uncomfortable. I am lonely because of not wanting to be vulnerable to others. The old push me, pull me thing. I am in too much physical pain to volunteer. I try to get motivated to do things and can not find a valid enough reason to try and accomplish anything-why bother?

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@jo2010 I gave up on volunteering and nearly everything else. I stay safe within my woman's cave. Currently in the clutches of depression. I like your attachment as this is how I am feeling. I did a drawing of my grandson from a photo of a couple of years ago. I miss him terribly and have not been to see him since my DIL's birth father has moved in with them. I am sad for my son as I know he wants me to spend time with my grandson. I just cannot under the circumstances. The birth father is 10 years younger than I and blood relative to his birth daughter/ grand daughter and also my grandson. The father/grandfather is homeless and was living in TX. Now he has returned to be a mooch-how I see it. I could not ever do something like he is doing. Just me.
The drawing of my grandson before his curls were shorn.

ice age and curls

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@parus

Lonely and vulnerable are uncomfortable. I am lonely because of not wanting to be vulnerable to others. The old push me, pull me thing. I am in too much physical pain to volunteer. I try to get motivated to do things and can not find a valid enough reason to try and accomplish anything-why bother?

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What a talent you have – thank you for sharing this image. Very nice!
OK so the volunteerism was a dead end.
I like your task/reward list – I make too many lists instead of following one.
More like you, I also find that the first step is the hardest – 'overcoming inertia' – even if I tell myself of a rewarding feeling to come. On a good day I do not say I am waiting till I feel like it, not putting any piddling thing before it. The less thought about, the better, for me.
The more I list it " to-do" it seems, the more I resist doing it. One counselor called it 'going on strike'. Years later, this week, a case worker observed I'm "not motivated" to do what I know I should, even must.
So the discussion here is on "Doing things to relieve depression – motivation and ideas". You have found working ideas, and you are motivated enough to finish a detailed drawing once you get started. These are good things!
Truth remains, the depression treatment needs to be moved forward so that the symptoms do not continue to over whelm.
My mother is in entrenched nay-sayer. That's a good habit to break. Now in her early 80s, she is just as miserable as I have known her to be for over 50 years. I believe this is because she has not changed how she approaches her problems. She simply does not want to take control of her rightful needs enough to go through a confrontation with my dad to get it.
Those are the glasses I am looking through, so forgive me if I am wrong in thinking that you, too, are not getting what you want because you are not willing to overcome the adversity involved.
My mom doesn't want to soldier through standing her ground just because my dad doesn't like change or being out of absolute control. Not mean, just really OCD. That is her obstacle.
It sounds like your obstacle is your dislike for the people and arrangement you would have to be around to see your grandson. In my experience, that is very unlikely to change on its own.
So your choice remains: will you find motivation and ideas to fix it for yourself?
Not to be flippant or dismissive, but I have a saying based on my own observations regarding those of us who lack of motivation: "no matter how much someone loves you, they will not clean your cat box for you."
If you can find no strong enough advocate in your grandson's circle, and A visitation right is not something you can take to court, you may be stuck there.
But you're not stuck with yourself. I hope you do not spend the rest of your days in misery. When the pain of changing your acceptance of where to find joy in your life becomes less than the pain of staying put, I believe that you will find yourself in a better place.
I only say this because I am in the same struggle with you. Be it physical pain, fear of failure, adversity to confrontation, I need to be right… You name it: we all have a dead skin to shed before ever attaining the real Joy of growth.
You know it when you finish a drawing or painting. You know it when you cross a task off your list and reward yourself. You have so much bigger issues. But the strength of resolve comes from the same place. Every day.
Every adversity is a chance to grow and show grace.

IMG_4665

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@parus

Lonely and vulnerable are uncomfortable. I am lonely because of not wanting to be vulnerable to others. The old push me, pull me thing. I am in too much physical pain to volunteer. I try to get motivated to do things and can not find a valid enough reason to try and accomplish anything-why bother?

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@jo2010 Fortunately I do not have a cat box to clean nor a dog to walk. At present I am not inclined to show grace as this is what has me in the situation I am in and the knowing that this is the best I can do and it is my own fault for throwing an entire life a way pleasing others. I am only in the shape I am in because I always placed others first. The circle I am spinning in is that the only time anyone cares one iota is if there is something in it for them. The reason I enjoy my 3 year old grandson because he has not yet learned to be judgmental and critical. I am striving to be more like him. I know the world will suck him in and fill his little mind with trash.
I appreciate what you are saying and not criticizing your words. When one lives in close proximity with more than 60 other residents one learns to stay far from others.
I have two ways of looking at things-I am trying to simplify my world. "Can't change it, can't fix it and that goes on their plate not mine". The second thing may sound haughty in the simplified version. It simply means that I am only responsible for my own behavior and not the behavior of another.
I have hit a deep rut and do not even want to try and pull or dig myself out. All I "have" to do is see my bills are paid. I live alone in my own little woman's cave and possibly one day I will get back to being a goal setter and a reasonably high achiever at something. The physical stuff is what has gotten me stuck in the rut or at the bottom of the vortex. The harder I try the deeper into the slimy pit I am.
Now if that all makes any sense I have at least achieved something whether is be of use or not.
As for the mother thing-mine yelled and screamed from the time she awoke until she went to sleep. She was an extremely materialistic, self-centered, egotisical and greedy woman. I still have nightmares about her and she has been dead for over 6 years. I still see her in my mind as a Harpy.
As for connecting with other people in the real world-no longer interested. I am in a rather dour way and it is my own fault so it is up to me to decide how badly I want to emerge.
Grizle bear with sore paw for a mental image.
All I can say for certain is there are no bars on the windows or doors. The only bars are the ones I have placed.

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@parus

Lonely and vulnerable are uncomfortable. I am lonely because of not wanting to be vulnerable to others. The old push me, pull me thing. I am in too much physical pain to volunteer. I try to get motivated to do things and can not find a valid enough reason to try and accomplish anything-why bother?

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@parus Do you have any good memories of your Mother? Do You miss her? i am so sorry that her defining life experiences whatever they were,became yours..it sure sounds as if you have been trying to earn love from others all of your life. So were you then, a high achiever at one time? I am
just wondering if it was to please others or was it somethng you enjoyed? I really hope that you can find the things that you enjoy…there truly are so many thngs that can bring joy, even from the depths of despair. It sounds as if your grandson is one.I had s friend who felt that her mother had destroyed her because she believed that her mother was just a bad person.She learned all that she could sbout her mother’s past, and it helped her. I wouldn’t even consider quoting platitudes to you. You seem insightful and very angry to me. I really hope that you are finding some solace from this group.

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@lisalucier

Hi, @bykrchic — getting out of the house, connecting and exercising all sound like great tactics to help relieve some of the symptoms of depression.

If you feel comfortable sharing, @bykrchic, do you also have a diagnosis of depression? If so, how have these tactics helped you?

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@bykrchic Oh my, I am so sorry about the estrangment with your son. There is so very painful. You are far from alone in this. This has become an epidemic our country. There is a very good book ( and probably more) on the market. I send you a hug and tell you this…you will survive this and it will get better and there are some things that you csn do to help yourself. 1. Remember this:you can't change anyone else. 2. You can change how you react to the situation. 3. There is support because so many people are going through this. 4. You will always love your child, relationship or not. Keeping writing, Please. Be blessed!

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@parus

Lonely and vulnerable are uncomfortable. I am lonely because of not wanting to be vulnerable to others. The old push me, pull me thing. I am in too much physical pain to volunteer. I try to get motivated to do things and can not find a valid enough reason to try and accomplish anything-why bother?

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I'm outta here.

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mscosette, hi, and welcome. I know this will sound dumb, but depending on where you live and who your insurance is with, have you considered joining "Silver Sneakers"? I was in the same boat as you as far as exercising and I found a small gym that has this program. It's free to you because many insurance companies cover it 100 percent. My place is open 24-hrs a day and consequently has security cameras EVERYWHERE. While going, I really enjoyed it. I had an accident in my backyard so I haven't been in a while and miss it. Hope this helps. @cognac

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@joanm65

Hi Lisa: I am almost constantly depressed as a result of PTSD after being caught in a fire. This has led to agoraphobia and of course, depression. I am a senior and have trouble getting up from low chairs, which makes it very hard for me to go out and eat, because mostly those chairs are too low for me to get up and out of them, so I do not get out much and I am very, very lonely–thus the depression that I cannot seem to shake.

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Hi, @joanm65 — my goodness, you've most assuredly been through some severe trauma if you've been caught in a fire.

A couple discussions relating to loneliness you may want to check out and perhaps participate in are:
https://mayocl.in/2HRsCGw
https://mayocl.in/2HSg0ij

If — and only if — you feel comfortable sharing about it, would you tell us a bit about what happened with the fire?

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@parus

Lonely and vulnerable are uncomfortable. I am lonely because of not wanting to be vulnerable to others. The old push me, pull me thing. I am in too much physical pain to volunteer. I try to get motivated to do things and can not find a valid enough reason to try and accomplish anything-why bother?

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Hello, @jo2010 — Your image of the animal with the paper bag over its head is very intriguing. Is it by chance your own art?

You've given a lot of fabulous ideas for dealing with inertia and lack of motivation in the face of depression. Do you have a diagnosis of depression?

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@parus

Lonely and vulnerable are uncomfortable. I am lonely because of not wanting to be vulnerable to others. The old push me, pull me thing. I am in too much physical pain to volunteer. I try to get motivated to do things and can not find a valid enough reason to try and accomplish anything-why bother?

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The cartoon is not mine. It is from Looney Tunes. Sylvester the cat embarrasses his son, who put the bag over his head and says, "The shame of it all!" Reading @parus' most recent msg at the time, I thought this is how the writer might feel, I used it to try to communicate empathy.
I was diagnosed with MDD in 1999, 6 mos. after I got married. Soon divorced over incompatibility, nearly 20 years ago.

Liked by Parus

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@lisalucier

Hi, @bykrchic — getting out of the house, connecting and exercising all sound like great tactics to help relieve some of the symptoms of depression.

If you feel comfortable sharing, @bykrchic, do you also have a diagnosis of depression? If so, how have these tactics helped you?

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How are things going, @bykrchic?

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Hello All:

Today I received an email from Everyday Health and they had an interesting presentation on non-antidepressant methods of relieving depression. Take a look and let me know if you have tried any of these and if they have been helpful.

https://www.everydayhealth.com/pictures/promising-non-antidepressant-therapies-depression/?xid=nl_EHNLhealthyliving_2018-05-16

Teresa

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@parus

Lonely and vulnerable are uncomfortable. I am lonely because of not wanting to be vulnerable to others. The old push me, pull me thing. I am in too much physical pain to volunteer. I try to get motivated to do things and can not find a valid enough reason to try and accomplish anything-why bother?

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@genmax:
When you wrote, "I wouldn’t even consider quoting platitudes to you." that came across as a "dig" or a "snipe" if you will, about my post. I do not feel that to be appropriate, if so. Perhaps it is just the medium? But since you seem to be a caring, concerned, involved post-er here – and on may other pages of Mayo Clinic Connect – I thought I would let you know. Perhaps doing so will help someone else in the future, whom you may impress like that on electronic media.
I un-followed this whole Group because of your post. I have major depression, and I had gotten fired that day. It was just too much. I'm happy to let you "take over".
I do not expect – or want – any reply or further comments. Still processing what I can't un-read.

Liked by Parus

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@hopeful33250

Hello All:

Today I received an email from Everyday Health and they had an interesting presentation on non-antidepressant methods of relieving depression. Take a look and let me know if you have tried any of these and if they have been helpful.

https://www.everydayhealth.com/pictures/promising-non-antidepressant-therapies-depression/?xid=nl_EHNLhealthyliving_2018-05-16

Teresa

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Theresa, I've tried the headband with the battery powered electrodes from FisherWallace. It didn't work for me, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't work for someone else. Cognac

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