Doesn’t anyone else feel …… ?

@michelamio my mother follows same pattern! It’s exhausting. Just know that you’re not alone.

@lkbous My mother in law was the same way.....I don't know how my father in law could deal with it....and everything had to be her way...she thought she knew it all.

@gratia thanks 😊

@sunnygardens Love the gray rock 😁

@michelamio In my situation, it makes me just dislike her. I detach and go on autopilot mode. I’m just a “caretaker, bathroom attendant and cleaning lady, cooks, tv channel changer”.
I’m just not sure if I will ever get my life back. I left long ago… sucked back into this situation… it’s just really hard stuff.

When he says "you don't need to get upset" or "get over it" after he has done another dumb thing, I just say I'm not perfect and I can get upset once in awhile. Then if in the car, I do breathing exercises & put music on & open a window if it's nice outside. If this happens at home, I can excuse myself or say "I'll think about that" or some other distracting phrase as I head to my room for a break. Some days I'm more patient than other days. I also talk to God A LOT!! When I remember to do that, my whole attitude changes. At this point, I cannot afford to get stressed out by my husbands cognitive decline because that stress has already caused intestinal problems and when the stress starts the abdominal pain kicks in but when I breathe & pray and change the channel and think about my own health - the pain subsides. It's weird how stress can affect us and being as I'm the main one in charge of everything, I can't get sick so balancing my own health with this dementia junk is a real challenge!

Guided meditaion helped along with bilateral music, tapping and prayers. All free and available on youtube or via apps. No end in sight is very difficult yet I also dread the "end" day although a little bit of him leaves daily. It does feel like prison some days. I have made a bucket list of travels I hope to do at some point. Researching on what roads/ highways to drive and looking what to see along the way is enjoyable. May never actually make the trip but am "seeing and learning" about the areas as I research. Keeps me occupied.

Guided meditation, bilateral music, tapping and prayers I have found to been helpful. Yes, it does feels like house arrest but I also dread the day of his departure although a little of him leaves daily. We traveled frequently and I was always the planner. I am now doing a bucket list and planning trips that may or may not ever occur for myslef. I look at highways I will travel and what to see along the way. Making notes. Even though I may never go I will learn about tthe area while I research. Reading, jisgsaw puzzles keep me busy.

@cloudydaysue

Thank you for your support and understanding

Just some random thoughts: I think that most humans have a need to know what's around the corner so that we can feel prepared for it, good or bad. It is hard not know what is coming next or when. I am fortunate in having had experience in Al-anon for over 30 years. I didn't think I was fortunate to have needed it at the time I first started going to the meetings. What I learned there was the fact that we really have no control over anyone's behavior, except ourselves. It was hard to accept that I could not fix the problem that sent me there but I also learned that I didn't cause it and couldn't control it. We go along in life thinking that we can, should change people and situations that seem unfair and threatening to us or someone we love.
I have given up that notion. The only person I can control is myself. I have also found that what I feed my mind can greatly affect my ability to stay positive and loving during a really sad turn of events in my life, my husband's dementia. I don't watch any movies or read books that are not uplifting or that have scenes of violence or cruelty. I limit my news to PBS which I feel is a truer representation of world events. Though there are days when I won't even watch that because I know what makes the news is 90% disasters or really bad behavior. I know that it exists and will always exist someplace in the world. I make my donations to various charities for disaster relief as I am able and then decide to "let go and let God"- an Al- Anon phrase. I also don't pray for specific outcomes, rather I ask for the courage and patience to deal with whatever comes my way and the ability to see the beauty that is all around us. My nephew and his wife just had their second baby girl and she is just so beautiful and pure. I get so much joy from just looking at her picture and seeing the happiness and joy in her parent's eyes. I remember that feeling. Journaling helps me name my fears and concerns and looking back later I see that what I was so anxious about has resolved itself without my getting involved. Imagine that! We are all in a tough and demanding phase of our lives, some of us with little or no outside understanding or help. This Mayo Clinic Connect site is such a sanity saver for me. I love each and every one of you who posts here. Keep connecting here and may God bless you all for being his hands here on earth and taking care of his beloved child. I think that our actions in caregiving show the world the goodness in humanity and God's love.