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Does anyone have tips for communicating with someone with dementia?

Posted by bclane @bclane, Apr 3, 2025

I've been increasingly frustrated with trying to communicate with my husband. It's like the stereotype of the husband never listening to the wife. For example, this morning he read off a message on his phone that the battery was low and it needed charging. I told him to get the charger, that it was the white cord hanging on the side of the dresser mirror. I thought the directions were pretty clear.

He came back with a belt—and it wasn't white and hadn't been hanging on the side of the dresser mirror either. I retrieved the cord myself, and when he saw it, he said I should have said that and not mentioned a belt (which I hadn't).

A week ago I had a doctor's appointment and a neighbor stayed with him while I went. For the first time, I wrote a note about where I was going and when I expected to be back and gave it to him. He wasn't offended by that, and the neighbor said he pulled it out and read it several times.

He often reads things out loud, like the captions on the TV news, so it just occurred to me this morning that maybe he can't hang on to spoken words. Maybe if I'd written a short note describing the phone charger and where it was located, that would have worked better. Has anyone else experienced this with the person they're caring for?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

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edj1950 | @edj1950 | 3 days ago
In reply to @jenniferkr "@edj1950 This dementia disease is just so awful and it goes on and on. I suspect..." + (show)
Profile picture for JennFH @jenniferkr

@edj1950 This dementia disease is just so awful and it goes on and on. I suspect that time has lost it's meaning for your wife. She will likely not realize that your visits will be more spaced apart if that is what you decide to do. On the flip side you will then perhaps be burdened with guilt for not going to see her. Do they take her anyplace for meals or activities? If so schedule to see her just prior to her activity so your time will be more limited and she would then be going to activity and you could then leave.

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@jenniferkr NO THEY DID A FEW TIME. AT FIRST BUT SHE BECAME TOO AGRESSIVE AND TRIED JUMPING OUT OF THE CAR WANTING TO WALK HOME AND HAD TOO MANY OTHER PROBLEMS GETTING HER BACK IN THE CARE FACILITY. I WOULD TO TAKE HER PLACES BUT IT IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR MR IN THE SAME WAY ABOUT getting her back.

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Profile picture for edj1950
edj1950 | @edj1950 | 1 day ago
In reply to @jenniferkr "@edj1950 This dementia disease is just so awful and it goes on and on. I suspect..." + (show)
Profile picture for JennFH @jenniferkr

@edj1950 This dementia disease is just so awful and it goes on and on. I suspect that time has lost it's meaning for your wife. She will likely not realize that your visits will be more spaced apart if that is what you decide to do. On the flip side you will then perhaps be burdened with guilt for not going to see her. Do they take her anyplace for meals or activities? If so schedule to see her just prior to her activity so your time will be more limited and she would then be going to activity and you could then leave.

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@jenniferkr They did take her out a few times but she reacts poorly trying to get back home. She will try to get out of the car and wanting to walk home. She constantly wants to know what time we are leaving for home. It's very difficult for me to visit and expect these reactions constantly. I know she wants to come home and I would like that too but with her meds changing i can not keep up with that.

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