Disliking who they’ve become

@gratia I don't know if your mother responds to music, but I still keep going back to that "Alive Inside" documentary with Dan Cohen, (utube) where anxious and angry or immobilized Dementia patients in a nursing home had ear pods with music, as therapy, and a way to calm them. I couldn't believe the way they responded. Perhaps, giving your mother some music, may help her not be so negative all the time. And in helping her, that may bring some needed relief for you. Best, Karla

@kjc48
I have had dementia for about 5 years now. I listen to music all the time.
I played drums semi-proffessionaly for 15 years in the 1971/80s
I find that is a way of passing the time and gives me a lot of pleasure.
There is a lot of music on Youtube, which is free to listen to.

@shmerdloff
Looks like this time it helped. Thanks again.

@clam Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! You played the drums! Where did you practice? I always remember how kids would talk of practicing in the garage but . . . .
Is there something that we can help you with? An issue with your dementia? Do you live by yourself or do you have a caretaker?

@judimahoney, @gratia I think that this is so because one of the skills we learn as we mature is to apply the brake pedal to the first reaction/response that comes into our brains. We start out with no control as babies and then gradually (we hope) learn to temper our words and actions depending on the situation. As dementia (brain failure) progresses the part that handles self control, executive function, planning, decision making fails and the patient reverts to the person they were before they mastered this skill-like young children.

hi @becsbuddy
I practised at home in our garage from memory.
I live with my wife, ex son-in-law and nephew.
I had a lovely lady called Rachel Young from Ember NZ. She was great. She would meet up with me once a week, and go out for coffee somewhere, and talk stuff through.
She took me to CMA in our area, and that has become an outing I really look forward to.

@clam Thank you so much for your post. I woke up this morning to three joyful posts from Mayo Connect - caregivers with good news, yours one of them. So, thank you for your share. I too find music uplifting, good for the soul. The fact that you were a drummer semi-professionally, how cool is that. My uncle was a drummer too. My adult son, I remember in his younger days: a wannabe drummer. Thanks for the lead on Utube, I've been pulling up some of my favorite songs. I remember seeing that "alive inside" documentary of what music did for the residents in that nursing home (another valuable share from Mayo Connect) and it was truly amazing. Best, Karla

Sadly, I think it is who they really are. This type of caregiving is excruciatingly difficult as it does drain any happy moments away the caregiver may have. My mom is progressively forgetting more as the dementia unravels. She was always happiest when she was the center of attention and when she didn't get her way, she became mean, scary, and hurtful with her words. It was her way of getting what she wanted. Now with the dementia she's just plain mean. We finally got her an appt with the psychiatrist to calm her down a bit. She was prescribed memantine 5mg and just recently exchanged that for rexulti .25 mg. Good luck to you. Praying for your well-being and strong mental health during this difficult time.

@clam
Can you play Wipe Out?

@shmerdloff
Sorry, I can`t remember if I replied to this or not.

So yes, every drummer in my day had to play that.
It is actually relatively simple.