Depression, fibromyalgia and spinal degeneration

Posted by virtuous69 @virtuous69, Jul 20, 2017

Hello. I have Fibro and moderate to severe spinal degeneration, age 69 and husband 78. I've had to let our once per month housecleaner and once per month gardener go due to loss of income. We live in Silicon Valley way beyond our income and due to my illness, can't keep house up.Its trashed. Husband works 3 days per week. End of month is scary financially and husband gets very depressed, sarcastic and a real worry wort. His depression sinks me down like I'm drowning. His company took all medical and vacation/sick time away from grandfathered in employees. I can't take walks due to degenerative back, we have our Christian faith, but I honestly need to get away from my husband sometimes. My best friend and other confidents have died or moved away. Both of us need to have some fun. Our beautiful church and home group of 15 years has disbanded....they were like family. No money, no health...struggling to keep a cheerful and grateful attitude. Our PC doc gives me a mild anti -depression med. Husband is losing his hearing and that causes all kinds of arguments.But doc doesn't give him anything to keep him calm.. There is no free counseling or housekeeping help available to us. I take Advil and Norco for my pain. It's like just waiting for the grave. ---Virtuous69

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@lisalucier

Hi, Dori @virtuous69. I am so sorry you are not feeling well right now and your tooth pain is terrible. I'm wondering if you have any resources where you live like these free dental clinics we have in our area, like this: http://salvationarmynorth.org/community-pages/good-samaritan-clinic/. Perhaps your local Salvation Army or another nonprofit provides this type of care and might be able to help you out?

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Hi, @virtuous69 -- glad your two accounts are now merged.

I'm sorry to hear about all the challenges right now, especially your dear friend who was hospitalized and your husband with his coughing. It's very hard that you've lost two friends to illness, and understandable you'd feel sad.

The dental clinic and the Love, Inc., sound promising.

Will you check back in with us and let us know how you are doing and how your husband and friend are doing?

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@IndianaScott

Hello @virtuous69 Nice to e-meet you here even under your difficult conditions. I am Scott and while my wife battled brain cancer for 14+ years I was her primary caregiver. Lost my job for the last five of it and was just caregiving.

It is good to know you are both at least of age to be covered under Medicare! My wife and I were too young for it and that added a whole different level of stress. Caregiving and chronic conditions are taxing for anyone, especially when it involves our loved ones. I am not a medical care professional at all, so I only speak from my personal experiences.

My wife and I had to give up all of our help during her illness as well. It was always a house of cards, where the smallest change or expense would add stress and cause the house to shudder, shake, fall apart a bit, but thankfully we were able to keep going. Maintenance went on full-time delay 🙂 Not only for our house, but also for me. Do you know if your area has any nonprofits that offer hearing aid assistance? That might help. I know from my own hearing loss it can be quite exasperating and frustrating for both sides of a conversation and cause even more feelings of isolation.

I had to totem everything we did based on my wife's needs. For a variety of reasons most of our friends and family departed from our lives and our community is one of mostly second homes so the local support was nonexistent. We worked hard on maintaining just a few, cherished friendships, mostly long distance, as best we could. We ended up with one each, but they were lifesavers to each of us at different times.

Quality, private time is a hard thing to come by when you have a loved one dependent on you, that is for sure. I never figured that one out, except I took to getting up at 2 am so I had a couple of solitary hours to myself before my wife's next medicines, etc. Clearly not a viable option for all, but it worked for me and now I find I am actually a morning person (for the first time in my life) and I like it.

I wish there was a magic button or potion, perhaps a genie in a lamp to help in these situations. Moving can sometimes be an option, but in our case the market for homes in our area was not able to afford us that as an option.

Have you contacted your local Office on Aging? Are you or your husband a veteran? The VA has some good resources too.

Peace & Strength

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@IndianaScott hi Scott. Replying your original reply post back to me. Subject hearing aids. you asked if I had checked out non-profit hearing associations so I did Google some information today. Both my husband and I have a RX prescription referral to see an audiologist locally and I need to call up and find out AARP and Medicare if they cover the exams. I know they don't cover hearing aids. But my question is did you go for hearing tests with a licensed audiologist first? Then did you go after the expensive audiologist approved hearing aids, or did you have any faith in the devices that you see advertised in a magazine or on TV at cetera that do not cost thousands of dollars? I'm sure there are some that are good and some that are bad and it depends on your own hearing situation. Lost do the Age or nerve damage or something else. So what's the audiologist makes is it termination the reason for your hearing have you heard/found anything or in your own experience found any of these products that are not thousands of dollars that one can purchase to Aid in the hearing especially around the house and where the TV is on. My husband that fairly sure has background hearing noise but then again because he's almost 80 and also depends on how much of those hearing hairs in the side the canal have diminished and so whether he is mild moderate or severe. If you have any experience with hearing aids that are being advertised as the latest invention from Germany etc. and that type of thing and not these thousands of dollars types I would love to hear from you regarding that.. I'm sending this now before this post flies off into the Twilight Zone

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@IndianaScott

Hello @virtuous69 Nice to e-meet you here even under your difficult conditions. I am Scott and while my wife battled brain cancer for 14+ years I was her primary caregiver. Lost my job for the last five of it and was just caregiving.

It is good to know you are both at least of age to be covered under Medicare! My wife and I were too young for it and that added a whole different level of stress. Caregiving and chronic conditions are taxing for anyone, especially when it involves our loved ones. I am not a medical care professional at all, so I only speak from my personal experiences.

My wife and I had to give up all of our help during her illness as well. It was always a house of cards, where the smallest change or expense would add stress and cause the house to shudder, shake, fall apart a bit, but thankfully we were able to keep going. Maintenance went on full-time delay 🙂 Not only for our house, but also for me. Do you know if your area has any nonprofits that offer hearing aid assistance? That might help. I know from my own hearing loss it can be quite exasperating and frustrating for both sides of a conversation and cause even more feelings of isolation.

I had to totem everything we did based on my wife's needs. For a variety of reasons most of our friends and family departed from our lives and our community is one of mostly second homes so the local support was nonexistent. We worked hard on maintaining just a few, cherished friendships, mostly long distance, as best we could. We ended up with one each, but they were lifesavers to each of us at different times.

Quality, private time is a hard thing to come by when you have a loved one dependent on you, that is for sure. I never figured that one out, except I took to getting up at 2 am so I had a couple of solitary hours to myself before my wife's next medicines, etc. Clearly not a viable option for all, but it worked for me and now I find I am actually a morning person (for the first time in my life) and I like it.

I wish there was a magic button or potion, perhaps a genie in a lamp to help in these situations. Moving can sometimes be an option, but in our case the market for homes in our area was not able to afford us that as an option.

Have you contacted your local Office on Aging? Are you or your husband a veteran? The VA has some good resources too.

Peace & Strength

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Good morning @virtuous69 Dori. Good to hear from you again (no pun intended). My GP did refer me to an audiologist as she considered my hearing loss 'profound' after his in-office tests. Audiologist finally determined my hearing loss was most likely from earlier bouts with spinal meningitis complicated by unprotected hunting as a kid. Although the audiologist didn't say it, I imagine a few too many rock and roll concerts (especially my favorite the Moody Blues -- who are finally up for election to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame I might add) probably helped it along. As they say "We grow too soon old and too late smart!"

This is just my view of the business world, but I don't trust any advertisement more than I would a plug nickel! That said I did go to a couple of the places locally that hosted free nights to try their aids. Extremely expensive and very high pressure, but I never bought those and did discover many that did not really help my kind of loss. And they were free, unless you count the fact they all still send me their materials in the mail 🙂

What really helped me the most was talking with folks who were already using hearing aids and were around my age or older. I remember one pair that did help the fellow told me he hated because they were so difficult for him to get into his ear. Another fellow said he liked his but would recommend them since they fell out too frequently when he was out doing his brisk walking. Unfortunately, and this is just me, I never found a pair that worked when I needed them the most, which was in noisy settings. Luckily my left ear is far better than my right so I now have put my pride in my hip pocket and just say to people "sorry, can I sit on this side of you so I can hear better?' Plus my grandsons now just accept they have to talk to me on my left side if they want 'old gramps' to hear them! The seven year old simply says to me 'now which is your good ear gramps?' after we have been apart for awhile.

Bottom line, again this was just for me, I found adjusting my lifestyle and admitting my hearing loss was easier to deal with than hearing aids and their expense, but that was just me at this point in my life.

Continued strength, courage, & peace!

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@windwalker

@virtuous Hi Dori, I agree with what Kanaaz said with regards to the 'big picture'. It is easy to get overwhelmed when things have gotten away from you. I break my tasks down into small ones. I find that if I compartmentalize each thing or area, I do better. For example, when deciding what to tackle in your home: you could say to yourself, 'Just for today, all I have to do is Scrub the toilet. That's it. Next say, "all I have to do is , scrub the bathroom sink. Then, the next day give yourself a small task. Then, everyday give yourself a small task. Delegate to your husband too. You said his back hurts, let him fold laundry on the sofa. A little bit here and a little bit there gets the job done. One feels better when they are busy. That is my take anyway. Hugs, Terri

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@catgic

As I was looking through some posts I came upon this one and realized that you haven't posted in a while. I hope you are both doing well. I would enjoy hearing from you.

Teresa

REPLY

Today is March 6th and I got lost trying to start a new discussion and I just want to talk group. My question is this time of year February March I get very sleepy and cannot keep my eyes open I do not have the traditional runny nose or Wiley eyes I'm just so sleepy and all I can do is lay down for a bit. I do have fibromyalgia but I don't see how this correlates. Anybody don't they have the same symptoms? Do you know what it's about and what do you do to keep from getting it for me it's only seasonal February and March so I know it says something to do with allergies but without having drips or congestion I haven't the foggiest idea what to do. Any comment most welcome

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@virtuous69

Today is March 6th and I got lost trying to start a new discussion and I just want to talk group. My question is this time of year February March I get very sleepy and cannot keep my eyes open I do not have the traditional runny nose or Wiley eyes I'm just so sleepy and all I can do is lay down for a bit. I do have fibromyalgia but I don't see how this correlates. Anybody don't they have the same symptoms? Do you know what it's about and what do you do to keep from getting it for me it's only seasonal February and March so I know it says something to do with allergies but without having drips or congestion I haven't the foggiest idea what to do. Any comment most welcome

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Hi, @virtuous69 - thinking of you and wondering how you are doing lately?

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@virtuous69

Today is March 6th and I got lost trying to start a new discussion and I just want to talk group. My question is this time of year February March I get very sleepy and cannot keep my eyes open I do not have the traditional runny nose or Wiley eyes I'm just so sleepy and all I can do is lay down for a bit. I do have fibromyalgia but I don't see how this correlates. Anybody don't they have the same symptoms? Do you know what it's about and what do you do to keep from getting it for me it's only seasonal February and March so I know it says something to do with allergies but without having drips or congestion I haven't the foggiest idea what to do. Any comment most welcome

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Have you had your blood pressure checked during those months? January, February and March used to be the time every year that I could hardly pick my hands up to put on the keyboard at work. My blood pressure would even drop low. Turns out I had Seasonal Affective Disorder. I got a special full spectrum light which made a huge difference. Eventually I moved three hours south and that made another huge improvement. Since you're only affected during those months it's something you could discuss with your doctor.

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