Depression

Posted by mybattle @mybattle, Jul 18, 2018

So where do I start. I have been battling depression and anxiety it seems like all of my life. I have been through so many traumatic evens which has also caused me to be diagnosed with PTSD. You see, I was molested at ages 3 and 10, and then raped at 14. I have been in counseling for over 30 years. Despite that I managed to get married and have 2 beautiful children. I am now divorced after being married for almost 20 years. During that time I have been on various anti depressants. I am not sure if any of them work. Right now I am on Pristiq. Either I am overly social or very isolated so I am not sure it is the right fit for me. Right now I am in my isolation period. I just moved to a new city that I know nothing about due to a job transfer. My daughter and grandchildren live with me but I feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness and isolation. Friends and co-workers try to get me out but all I want to do is go home and get in bed. I don’t know how to get out of this funk I am in. People tell me that I should feel blessed and fortunate that I have a job, children and grandchildren who love me, and friends who care. I don’t and I don’t know why. My spiritual side says that I should have faith and believe that everything is ok and will be ok, but there is a battle going on in my mind and I can’t control it. Or I don’t know how. I know I need to get back into counseling and medication management but due to my recent move it has been hard to find someone that is a good fit. I don’t know why I am writing all of this, I guess in the hopes that there is someone out there who understands my battle. Someone who can relate. Tell me your story…..

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety group.

@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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Teresa, thanks for your response. We did do a DNA test for meds. Effexor and Cymbalta turned up. Effexor caused my cholesterol to raise up and I had some bad side effects with Cymbalta. I was only on it for a few weeks and coming off it was very hard. I had a hard time weaning off this med. I would never take it again.

REPLY

Hi all,
I'm thrilled to share this Connect Member Spotlight about a member you may have gotten to know in this discussion on depression, @mamacita.

I trust you will enjoy reading it. https://connect.mayoclinic.org/newsfeed-post/feeling-a-little-alone-meet-mamacita/

REPLY
@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

Jump to this post

You sound like a wonderful, caring person, who truly listens.
I'm VERY much in need of someone like you who understands depression.
I am at my wits end with the withdrawals from Effexor. My whole body, mind, and soul hurt.

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Sounds like you have the support you need I would get set up so the first 2 weeks I see a psych and therapist before you go.

REPLY
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