Depression

Posted by mybattle @mybattle, Jul 18, 2018

So where do I start. I have been battling depression and anxiety it seems like all of my life. I have been through so many traumatic evens which has also caused me to be diagnosed with PTSD. You see, I was molested at ages 3 and 10, and then raped at 14. I have been in counseling for over 30 years. Despite that I managed to get married and have 2 beautiful children. I am now divorced after being married for almost 20 years. During that time I have been on various anti depressants. I am not sure if any of them work. Right now I am on Pristiq. Either I am overly social or very isolated so I am not sure it is the right fit for me. Right now I am in my isolation period. I just moved to a new city that I know nothing about due to a job transfer. My daughter and grandchildren live with me but I feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness and isolation. Friends and co-workers try to get me out but all I want to do is go home and get in bed. I don’t know how to get out of this funk I am in. People tell me that I should feel blessed and fortunate that I have a job, children and grandchildren who love me, and friends who care. I don’t and I don’t know why. My spiritual side says that I should have faith and believe that everything is ok and will be ok, but there is a battle going on in my mind and I can’t control it. Or I don’t know how. I know I need to get back into counseling and medication management but due to my recent move it has been hard to find someone that is a good fit. I don’t know why I am writing all of this, I guess in the hopes that there is someone out there who understands my battle. Someone who can relate. Tell me your story…..

@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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I truly hope there is a way out.

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@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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@psearby17

I wanted to respond to your post, even though you didn't ask. I only have personal experience to share, therefore it's anecdotal. With the reminder that everyone reacts differently to medication, I want to caution you to get a DNA test before you take the new antidepressants. My son was prescribed Paxil when in his 20s. He was very depressed and the Paxil did help. As he got into his late 30s his life was more stable and he was in talk therapy steadily. He decided to get off the Paxil and began cutting back with his therapist overseeing it.

He was down to 5 mg when he developed a bad rash on his calves. No one could diagnose what it was and after a couple of months it was much worse. The doctor decided to do a biopsy on the rash. Ultimately they diagnosed it as a reaction to withdrawing from Paxil. He is now on Paxil for the rest of his life. He's taking 20 mg as that stopped the rash.

I just recommend now that doctors can order DNA tests to see what antidepressant will work best for you. That way you can hopefully avoid the same problem he had, as well as having to try multiple medications until you find the one that works for you. I hope you have success finding relief for your depression. BTW, I take Citalopram which works for me.

Gail
Volunteer Mentor

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@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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@parus, there is. And hopefully it won't take you as long as it did me. I felt that I didn't have anyone who " got it." I had friends, and they seemed to like me well enough, but I couldn't bring myself to be myself to them. I think the thing that scared me the most was pouring my heart out to someone and having them act like it didn't matter. I've had that actually happen. Everyone who smiles with you and acts like they are your friend, isn't. The Bible says in Old English terms, "There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Of course, being the Bible, it is referring to God. Or Jesus. I am a Certified Pastoral Counselor, and as part of the faith community I run into people every day who come from all walks of life. It doesn't really matter what faith they have, I can find a connecting point with each one of them. Whether you are a believer or not, whether you question not just a higher powers ' existence but your very own…..people who believe that Someone, some force, some power out there in the Universe cares about them, well, they get along a whole lot better in this life. Research studies have been done, and if it wasn't so late at night I would look them up for you. My point is this: I care about you, and what happens to you. Because a long time ago, Someone bigger, Someone greater than me, cared for me. I won't preach at you or tell you to "get religion." I'm just one of those crazy folks who believe we are here on this planet to learn to love each other. Caring for one another is what this place, a place to Connect, is all about. Good night, and as some Native Americans say, may the Shepherd Chief Above guard your ways. Peace,
Mamacita

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@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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@parus

Sometimes there is not a "way out," but there can be a "way through." If you read the posts of others you will see that some have found the "way through." Keep looking for "your own way through."

Teresa

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@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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@hopeful33250 You are so right. Poor choice of words on my part.

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@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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@parus No problem regarding choice of words – I know how hard you work at finding your way through! Teresa

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@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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I want OUT, not through…I have been through-ing all my life.

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@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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@mattie Same here and not sure I have the energy for through-ing or out.

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@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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Dear@parus, no judgeyness here. Yes, that is a word. I just made it up. Say what you feel. When we have stuffed our feelings for so long, or when we have shouted our feelings from the rooftops, and no one paid any attention, that was the beginning of our message to the world. Our mess becomes our message. Our worst pain becomes our mission in life to help others. Helping others helps us. Gratitude in every circumstance no matter how hard it is retrains our minds to look for the good. The bright and colorful. The beautiful. I saw an older man yesterday who had been on the brink of death. He left the hospital AMA, because he knew he wasn't getting the care he needed. So he called a friend of a friend, who works in the field where he is experiencing difficulties. His appointment is tomorrow with a specialist in the field. This humble man has not been forgotten. He reaches out all the time to help others. By your engaging all of us in conversation, about the things that matter most, you are not only helping yourself. You are blessing others. Namaste,
Mamacita

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@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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Dearest @mattie , I am afraid in my circumstances, I will only be "out" when the Kingdom comes, if you catch my drift. With my collection of ailments, I have been totally healed for a long period of time, then, the symptoms returned with a vengeance. Yet, at the same time I was pressing my Specialist for some much needed pain relief, the mere changing of my diet and taking certain supplements was just as effective as the medicine he at long last prescribed. I am rarely without pain of some sort. But it keeps me on my toes. One day is not like another. This has been a very long road, a difficult journey. But, oh, the joy. The blessings. You will find your way out, or through it. One way or another things will work for your good. Answers will be found. In the meantime, know that you have a tribe. We care about you. And we are better together. Peace and joy,
Mamacita

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@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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You are a Godsend.

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@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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Dear @mattie love, the God who pushes me out of my chair and says go, the Spirit who whispers in my soul, "Speak to that person over there!"……the Redeemer who pulled me out of the pit of despair so many times I have long ago lost count, is the lover of all souls. There is no one that is far from His reach. He's really not that complicated. In the movie, the Shack, He is called Papa and is played by a black woman. Now, that may sound pretty complicated, but here's what I personally get out of it. Again, I respect all religions. I can find connections where there seems to be none. Correction: I respect everyone's right to their own religion, or the lack thereof. We can get along no matter what. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. They have said in times past that God is love So even if we have never had any spiritual or faith connection whatsoever, if we show love to one another we open ourselves up for the God who many call the Creator to come close to the door to our hearts. Wow! That's a mouthful. Faith can't be put in a box. Neither can people. We are all different. But we all matter. We all count. There's a reason for our being here. Love and peace,
Mamacita

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