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mybattle
@mybattle

Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 18, 2018

Depression

Posted by @mybattle, Wed, Jul 18 3:20pm

So where do I start. I have been battling depression and anxiety it seems like all of my life. I have been through so many traumatic evens which has also caused me to be diagnosed with PTSD. You see, I was molested at ages 3 and 10, and then raped at 14. I have been in counseling for over 30 years. Despite that I managed to get married and have 2 beautiful children. I am now divorced after being married for almost 20 years. During that time I have been on various anti depressants. I am not sure if any of them work. Right now I am on Pristiq. Either I am overly social or very isolated so I am not sure it is the right fit for me. Right now I am in my isolation period. I just moved to a new city that I know nothing about due to a job transfer. My daughter and grandchildren live with me but I feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness and isolation. Friends and co-workers try to get me out but all I want to do is go home and get in bed. I don’t know how to get out of this funk I am in. People tell me that I should feel blessed and fortunate that I have a job, children and grandchildren who love me, and friends who care. I don’t and I don’t know why. My spiritual side says that I should have faith and believe that everything is ok and will be ok, but there is a battle going on in my mind and I can’t control it. Or I don’t know how. I know I need to get back into counseling and medication management but due to my recent move it has been hard to find someone that is a good fit. I don’t know why I am writing all of this, I guess in the hopes that there is someone out there who understands my battle. Someone who can relate. Tell me your story…..

REPLY

Hello @mybattle and welcome to Mayo Connect.

I appreciate your openness and honesty as you have shared your story. You have been through a lot of difficult experiences and my heart goes out to you.

You say that you just recently moved for a job change. I urge you to give yourself some time to adjust to this change of location and job. These kinds of changes are never easy, and less so when you have dealt with depression most of your life.

There are many Members who will understand your battle. I encourage you to look at some of the following discussions, Long Term Depression, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/long-term-depression-1/

Also, Anyone Else with PTSD, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/anyone-else-with-ptsd/

And, Doing Things to Relieve Depression, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/doing-things-to-relieve-depression-motivation-and-ideas/

As you read these conversations you will find others much like yourself and some of which have found ways to win the battle of depression. I would also like to invite some others to share in this conversation such as one of our Moderator's Lisa, @lisalucier, and fellow mentors, Gail, @gailb and @mamacita.

I look forward to getting to know you better in the future.

Teresa

Try and find a creative outlet like adult painting with friends I found exercise and talk therapy helpful in those dark days try a Meetup group they do a lot of social events maybe talk to dr who prescribed Ned’s maybe need to try something else massage and accupuncture help my depression and anxiety also

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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I wish I could tell my story. I just know I have talked to Mayo 4 different times and they say they are always going to get back to me. And they never have.
I need to see someone for complex ptsd with ongoing trauma and huge depression that is resistant. I have to see see the help now, before it us to late.

@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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How does one talk to others when others are happy and enjoying their retirement years. Medication did horrible things and many made me mean when I am a passive person. And depression is not just sadness. After 67 years of not being good enough I do not see any thing changing. Guess this is depression. If I could choose not to be depressed I would surely do so. Ideation gets me through at times.

@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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Hi, @tina5 — thanks for posting this information about not hearing back here. Please be assured Mayo Clinic would want to right that. Have you by chance called this office to speak to someone about your concerns?

Office of Patient Experience
Mayo Building, lobby level
8 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday–Friday
507-284-4988

Hang in there.

I, too, suffer depression and PTSD due to multiple traumas plus a sister who managed to ostracize me from my extended family for five years – actually the isolation brought on by the ostracizing triggered the depression.

I go in and out of depression. I was ok for awhile but I recently learned my niece excluded me from her wedding most likely due to the lies she heard from my sister.

My other niece and nephew also excluded me from their weddings 2 and 4 years ago. I was way on my way to getting over the first two now the 3rd wedding is on 9/1/18 and all the pain is resurfaced.

My dad is furious about the abuse I’m being subjected to but my niece is paying for her own wedding so what can he do.

I did nothing to hurt anyone so I have no idea why this hurtful excluding continues.

I’m single, 57, young looking for my age, currently not working due to on and off depression.

Be happy your family is there. Depression comes and goes. Stay positive for the time very soon when the darkness will cease and the sun will return.

Plus you just moved, not in therapy and meds are not stable. Make these three areas priorities; you have children to take care of and your own life to live.

This is what helps me most: the depression and anxiety have stolen 4 years of my life. I’m taking back my happy self and living purposely engaging in whatever will help to reclaim my life.

Please do the same!

@anneterese Oh my sounds like you know my sister. There are those that can do this type of thing with such finesse I leaves me mystified when they can it so well that others believe them. I know mine can twist things around and turn the innocent into the villain. I don't get how there are those that can do this to someone else and are fully justified in doing so. I am saddened someone else is being victimized by a person totally lacking ethic or a conscience.
Stay strong and know that you are not alone. These types are clever and also scary. Must be benefiting them somehow and also works for them. As long as it does they will continue.
Even worse when a sibling does this. 🙁

@anneterese

Hang in there.

I, too, suffer depression and PTSD due to multiple traumas plus a sister who managed to ostracize me from my extended family for five years – actually the isolation brought on by the ostracizing triggered the depression.

I go in and out of depression. I was ok for awhile but I recently learned my niece excluded me from her wedding most likely due to the lies she heard from my sister.

My other niece and nephew also excluded me from their weddings 2 and 4 years ago. I was way on my way to getting over the first two now the 3rd wedding is on 9/1/18 and all the pain is resurfaced.

My dad is furious about the abuse I’m being subjected to but my niece is paying for her own wedding so what can he do.

I did nothing to hurt anyone so I have no idea why this hurtful excluding continues.

I’m single, 57, young looking for my age, currently not working due to on and off depression.

Be happy your family is there. Depression comes and goes. Stay positive for the time very soon when the darkness will cease and the sun will return.

Plus you just moved, not in therapy and meds are not stable. Make these three areas priorities; you have children to take care of and your own life to live.

This is what helps me most: the depression and anxiety have stolen 4 years of my life. I’m taking back my happy self and living purposely engaging in whatever will help to reclaim my life.

Please do the same!

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Hello @anneterese

I appreciate you sharing your story with Connect, welcome to our Community!

I am glad to hear that you have found so many healthy ways to help yourself through professional counseling and efforts to "reclaim your life" as you said so well.

Congratulations on the progress you have made and I look forward to hearing from you again.

Teresa

@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

Jump to this post

parus, you can talk to me. The path of depression is not easy. I post on Facebook about wonderful things in our lives, but I don't tell the whole story. Here, I can totally be myself and be transparent. I will never forget the darkness that was my life. From the age of three. All different kinds of medicines and treatment plans. Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness. Misdiagnoses. Inept and bungling doctors who didn't care. Some did., but they still misdiagnosed me. Maybe they would have helped me more if I had been honest with them. I was afraid to tell them all my symptoms. I already felt defective enough. My life is good, and that's why I do what I do here. I know what it feels like to be at rock bottom. And I don't want anyone else to feel that way. There is hope. There is a way out of the darkness. I am Mamacita, and I am a Volunteer Mentor here at Mayo Clinic Connect. Hugs and hope,
Mamacita

@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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Mamacita, how did you get out of your depression? Did you take meds? Are you on them now? My psychiatrist started me on BuSpar several months ago and now want to add paxil at night along with taking Valerian root and Klonopin for sleep. I haven't taken the Valerian or Paxil yet as I'm concerned that taking Valerian and paxil and Klonopin at night would make be really groggy the next day. I also have asthma and am concerned that Valerian might affect my respiratory system. Any suggestions?

@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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Hi @tina5, i wanted to check in with you and see how are you doing today?

Liked by Parus

@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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I truly hope there is a way out.

@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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@psearby17

I wanted to respond to your post, even though you didn't ask. I only have personal experience to share, therefore it's anecdotal. With the reminder that everyone reacts differently to medication, I want to caution you to get a DNA test before you take the new antidepressants. My son was prescribed Paxil when in his 20s. He was very depressed and the Paxil did help. As he got into his late 30s his life was more stable and he was in talk therapy steadily. He decided to get off the Paxil and began cutting back with his therapist overseeing it.

He was down to 5 mg when he developed a bad rash on his calves. No one could diagnose what it was and after a couple of months it was much worse. The doctor decided to do a biopsy on the rash. Ultimately they diagnosed it as a reaction to withdrawing from Paxil. He is now on Paxil for the rest of his life. He's taking 20 mg as that stopped the rash.

I just recommend now that doctors can order DNA tests to see what antidepressant will work best for you. That way you can hopefully avoid the same problem he had, as well as having to try multiple medications until you find the one that works for you. I hope you have success finding relief for your depression. BTW, I take Citalopram which works for me.

Gail
Volunteer Mentor

@mamacita

Hi there, @mybattle. Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope that you will take a few moments to visit from time to time. To share more of your story, or to ask questions. My name is Mamacita and I started out in 2016 by checking out the different groups. I returned in 2018 and sort of zeroed in on depression, chronic pain, and types of joint diseases. I can relate to many conditions, but the worst beast to battle is depression.

Part of that is because everyone keeps telling you to just put a smile on your face, take up a hobby, or keep a gratitude journal. All of those things are wonderful ideas, but they do absolutely nothing for a chemical imbalance. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me tremendously in my early yesrs. Yet I still needed medication. There was a lot of trauma in my life, so counseling and changing my negative thought patterns were essential for regaining my health. Recently, mindfulness has proven to help me focus on living the life Ive always dreamed of.

I must confess that many times one medication alone does not help. I was having nightmares and breakthrough depression. My wonderful PCP put me back on Wellbutrin and it has totally turned my life around. Depression is not just sadness. It's the feelings of despair and worthlessness. Of failure and never being good enough. Suicidal ideation.

Having someone to talk to helps tremendously. I call it having a "tribe." Recently I became a Volunteer Mentor here. I don't give advice, but I love to share my stories. My experience, strength and hope. We are better together. Blessings,
Mamacita

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@parus, there is. And hopefully it won't take you as long as it did me. I felt that I didn't have anyone who " got it." I had friends, and they seemed to like me well enough, but I couldn't bring myself to be myself to them. I think the thing that scared me the most was pouring my heart out to someone and having them act like it didn't matter. I've had that actually happen. Everyone who smiles with you and acts like they are your friend, isn't. The Bible says in Old English terms, "There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Of course, being the Bible, it is referring to God. Or Jesus. I am a Certified Pastoral Counselor, and as part of the faith community I run into people every day who come from all walks of life. It doesn't really matter what faith they have, I can find a connecting point with each one of them. Whether you are a believer or not, whether you question not just a higher powers ' existence but your very own…..people who believe that Someone, some force, some power out there in the Universe cares about them, well, they get along a whole lot better in this life. Research studies have been done, and if it wasn't so late at night I would look them up for you. My point is this: I care about you, and what happens to you. Because a long time ago, Someone bigger, Someone greater than me, cared for me. I won't preach at you or tell you to "get religion." I'm just one of those crazy folks who believe we are here on this planet to learn to love each other. Caring for one another is what this place, a place to Connect, is all about. Good night, and as some Native Americans say, may the Shepherd Chief Above guard your ways. Peace,
Mamacita

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