Denial is not just for Egyptians

@murkywaters yes, they do.
No one brought up the situation to me later, tho. His sister, who is a nurse invited him on a shoreline drive one afternoon, as he says ‘for an intervention’. She never spoke with me about it at all, so I let it be their time.

@murkywaters I have been going to mine for a few years, pre, pre diagnosis. He has helped me sort my feelings and responses, but there are caregiver therapists that really understand the dynamics. I have that search on my to do list. DH is in the UCLA alz/dem program and they can recommend some names, but, there’s just so much involved with every step, it’s hard to get to everything. It IS so overwhelming from every direction!!!

@murkywaters That can be helpful and they can help you think about ways to approach him.

@judimahoney Yes, "focusing on myself" is now what I'm doing. He refuses to get a proper neurological evaluation, and his doctor isn't pushing it, so why should I.

Would a family intervention work?
Would an AI summary of the benefits only of drugs work? Would turning it around to your issues work? For example: a simplified daily journal of "mistakes" made by you and of course also him or make an appointment to see if I'm the one with the problem but you come too.

The advice shared in ye comments are all spot on. I have a few to add.

You would benefit greatly from a support group - encouragement, connections, tips, all invaluable. It may be difficult at first as there will be others around the table whose loved ones are further along and their situations may be hard to hear. Still, a support group for you is really essential, if you are willing.

Also, I listen to a podcast called “Dementia Untangled”, a program of the Banner Alzheimer’s Institute in Arizona. Excellent program. I listen on Spotify but know it’s on other platforms too.

Also, the book “My Two Elaines” by Martin Schreiber might provide some helpful insights. Marty’s wife, Elaine, a journalist, developed AD and chronicled the journey. The book is Martin’s story as her caregiver, but because it includes excerpts from her voice, it provides a perspective that is very insightful.

There is also a mental health diagnosis (?) for folks who cannot recognize/perceive what is happening to them. I’ve forgotten the name - hard to pronounce and harder to spell. I’ll look it up and comment back. I’m not suggesting that’s what’s happening. Just sharing that it is not always denial (“oh he's just in denial…”) but rather complete lack of self-awareness over which the person has no control.

Peace to you on this Sabbath day.

Here’s the term I couldn’t remember in my previous comment - Anosognosia.

And from the Cleveland Clinic:
“Anosognosia is a condition where your brain can’t recognize one or more other health conditions you have. It’s extremely common with mental health conditions like schizophrenia and Alzheimer’s disease. This condition isn’t dangerous on its own, but people with it are much more likely to avoid or resist treatment for their other health conditions.”

@gilkesl
No. He pushes everything back.

@gilkesl His family doesn't want to deal with it. Ostriches like him.

@agh I agree with the anosognosia being common in alzheimers. My husband, a retired physician who has been managing his own diabetes for over 20 years, now, doesn't understand why I had to poke him with needles to deliver the insulin that he needs. ( He has an insulin pump now, thank God) "well, it's just ridiculous" he says. He can no longer grasp his diagnosis of diabetes and its care requirements.
So if someone seems to be in "denial" I think we should bear in mind what the person is still capable of understanding and what they cannot. Things that are logical to us make no sense to them. I think our effort would be better spent finding out where they are in their dementia journey. What skills, abilities do they still have? Engage them where they are at. Also learn as much as you can about the various stages in Dementia so you can determine what is still there and what is not. If it's not there then you can stop trying to go there and cut down on the frustration of not getting them to do something they can't. Bless you all.