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Crazy pillow experience w/ my husband. No help from providers. Advice?

Posted by kayco @kayco, 5 days ago

@lisalucier
Hello, I just signed up and don't know where to place this first question. My husband has "mild dementia" as recently diagnosed, so far no help from his providers. Today he drove off in the car without my knowledge. When I got off the phone I was frantic. Eventually he came home with a strange and frightening tale that he "took the pillow back." I did have a pillow to return, but he didn't clear it with me and took an old pillow in a laundry bag schedule for washing. The clerk was understandably nonplused and I didn't know where he was until I finally got him on the phone. Could the clerk have called police and a) have him arrested for trying to cheat the store, or b) brought home by an officer who thought him unfit? I wasn't too much worried before but I am after this crazy experience, thank you.

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gilkesl | @gilkesl | 2 days ago
In reply to @mm180 "Hi! I’m sorry to hear about your harrowing experience! Lots of good advice here, which I..." + (show)
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Hi! I’m sorry to hear about your harrowing experience! Lots of good advice here, which I won’t repeat. I will just add that this type of situation is why I rarely tell my husband about things we are planning to do in the future. I wait and tell him when I am ready to actually do it.
Somehow, when I mention things that are future plans it always seems to cause a problem. He either has a better idea (he thinks) and it starts an argument, he thinks he is helping by trying to solve or start now (or do it on his own) or I get incessant questions from now until the future task is completed. It felt odd at first to keep things from him because we always were able to talk about everything together. But those days are gone. I just decide what we are doing and then tell him when it is happening. In your case, I would have had to keep the plan to return the pillow secret until I was ready to do it, and also decide whether he was coming with me or staying home and then when it’s time to do it, I would just announce it that day.
It’s hard to stop and think before everything I say, but doing this has definitely helped me in our situation.
So glad he was home safe and sound!

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@mm180 This is the best advice ever. Stay in the present. Our loved ones need that comfort.

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kjc48 | @kjc48 | 1 day ago
In reply to @labrown "@judimahoney 360 works great until it doesn’t…my husband no longer carries his phone or can even..." + (show)
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@judimahoney 360 works great until it doesn’t…my husband no longer carries his phone or can even use it, most of the time we can’t even find it. 🙄 He lost his wallet that had an air card in it…he kept looking for and finding the air tag I had in his truck…he no longer drives so that isn’t an issue any more. I now have him wearing a wrist band that has access to all his info and my contact number. I’ve told him it’s very important that he keep it on and so far he has. Thankfully, he has not taken to wandering…yet.

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@labrown Is that wrist band with all the info and contact number, an apple watch? What it is, AMazon?

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labrown | @labrown | 1 day ago
In reply to @kjc48 "@labrown Is that wrist band with all the info and contact number, an apple watch? What..." + (show)
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@labrown Is that wrist band with all the info and contact number, an apple watch? What it is, AMazon?

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@kjc48 No, he can’t wear a watch. It is a stretch band that he wears 24/7. I got it from Amazon. I told him it’s very important that he keeps it on always and he does.

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