Crazy pillow experience w/ my husband. No help from providers. Advice?

@kayco This above was inadvertentlyplaced under Lisa's name. My name for here is Kayco. Please reply to that name thank you! K.

kayko, were I the clerk, I'd have needed a phone number for the return, and would have called you. If the police had been called, they would have brought him home to you.
I think most people understand. My sister's husband disappeared one night. When she located his car, and went in to this restaurant, he was happy to see her. The owner said that he would come in frequently. They would just serve him without charge, even though he often picked up the tips from other tables as he left.
Really scary, though when they are missing.
You might get a sole tracker for his shoe https://www.alzstore.com/alzheimers-dementia-wandering-s/1828.htm
or a tracker for the car.
I'm sure you've found a new place for the keys.
He may have had an intense dream or hallucinated. But he had an adventure and made it back to you. Bless his soul.

@kayco My grandmother had dementia and her son my father had it. In answer to your question most people if paying attention would understand that your husband was having difficulties especially the police. Doctors should be able to recommend something to you.
In Pensacola they have Doctors who specialize in that. What they call it is Memory Disorders and it's at a Medical Center Clinic. I hope you can find something like that. I want to mention a couple of things to you. You said he is early dementia. These are things that I learned along the way with my dad and his dementia. One thing I learned is never argue with them. You won't win. I managed to change the subject and that worked for me. What worked for me may not work for you it's just a suggestion. The other, if later you would have to place him in a facility pick the best one and go with it. The reason I say that is I met a lot of ladies whose husbands were in a facility and they talked about how many facilities their husbands were in. Moving them from one to another is bad for them. I know you said early dementia and I hope I haven't gone overboard on information. I have been around the block a few times and I don't know everything but if I can help someone with what I know I will do it. Best of luck to you in finding the help that you need. @rnlorena

I think for now you can breathe. At least he's safely home. And I wouldn't worry about what the clerk thought. People without dementia are constantly returning used things - I'm sure they've seen it all. Amazing that he wanted to take the pillow back. This disease amazes me with what we see. I like the tracker suggestion, so thanks for sharing that. You mention his providers - so far no help. Can you get a second opinion so you can get help?
Best,

Hi! I’m sorry to hear about your harrowing experience! Lots of good advice here, which I won’t repeat. I will just add that this type of situation is why I rarely tell my husband about things we are planning to do in the future. I wait and tell him when I am ready to actually do it.
Somehow, when I mention things that are future plans it always seems to cause a problem. He either has a better idea (he thinks) and it starts an argument, he thinks he is helping by trying to solve or start now (or do it on his own) or I get incessant questions from now until the future task is completed. It felt odd at first to keep things from him because we always were able to talk about everything together. But those days are gone. I just decide what we are doing and then tell him when it is happening. In your case, I would have had to keep the plan to return the pillow secret until I was ready to do it, and also decide whether he was coming with me or staying home and then when it’s time to do it, I would just announce it that day.
It’s hard to stop and think before everything I say, but doing this has definitely helped me in our situation.
So glad he was home safe and sound!

Hello:
I installed the free Life360 app on my and my husband's phones. That was, as long as his phone is with him, you'll know where he's at.
You may start thinking about surrendering his driver's license. You would also be liable if there is an accident, since you have awareness of his issue.
It always scares me when people write that their person with dementia is still driving; not safe.
All the best. 🌺

Thanks so much for all of this. I appreciate it. Actually it had been under discussion to return a pillow, but surely not an old dirty one in a bag. Crazy crazy stuff and I am getting very worn down from it as every week there is something wrong. The comments are supportive. His brain Pet scan came with nothing wrong tho before that one of the radiology readers said "mild dementia" but his two doctors, PC and psychiatrist, both say the scan showed nothing abnormal. What is very hard for me to sort out is this weird behavior from normal aspects of his personality. If he's not interested in something he just ignores it and definitely getting a pillow return is not interesting! We are seeing his psychiatrist next week (at a premier very major medical center so no problem with credentials) and if anyone is interested I can report back. Thank you again!

@judimahoney 360 works great until it doesn’t…my husband no longer carries his phone or can even use it, most of the time we can’t even find it. 🙄 He lost his wallet that had an air card in it…he kept looking for and finding the air tag I had in his truck…he no longer drives so that isn’t an issue any more. I now have him wearing a wrist band that has access to all his info and my contact number. I’ve told him it’s very important that he keep it on and so far he has. Thankfully, he has not taken to wandering…yet.

Hi Kayko, I got good advice many years ago from my local support group: Call the local police department and let them know about your husband's condition. This way, if they ever encounter him, they know the context.

Sometimes people are not so accommodating and there are such scary news stories about impairment being mistaken for dangerous.

I was fortunate, when my husband even started with my old dementia and he didn’t realize what street he was on, he turned the keys over to me and hasn’t driven since. If at all possible, I would definitely take his keys and or work out something with him. It gets very dangerous when they start wandering.🙏🏻