COVID-19: What does it mean for people in ICU and for families?

Posted by Rosemary, Volunteer Mentor @rosemarya, Mar 15 5:01pm

Becoming ill with COVID-19 is a uniquely isolating and scary time for all of us, especially you are in the hospital or ICU. Everywhere people are being asked to practice social distancing, many ICUs and hospitals are restricting or not allowing visitors. Luckily this community is virtually open any time all the time to connect with others. If you or a loved one are in ICU right now because of COVID-19 or for any other reason, our ears and hearts are open to let you know you are not alone.

Are you in the hospital right now and want to chat with others? Is your family member in the hospital and you’re not able to visit?

@lioness

@mutwo I too echo fiesty76 words. What a terrible thing for them to do to you and your husband . My thought and prayers are with you . This is a bad time for you and him my heart goes out to you and to make things worse our country is dealing with so much right now . Again Im sorry this happened to you . Take care of yourself . Linda

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Hi Linda…I pray that all is well for you and your family and thank you and everyone here for your prayers. My husbands ex wife has constantly caused problems for the seven years that we’ve been together, but after we were married last year things got worse and he stopped communicating with her and her daughters…he changed his telephone number and did what he felt was necessary to avoid them. They were fighting to keep him at the facility tht he was being abused in and won because I was focused on getting him out of there and not on the petition they filed for guardianship…they listed all of his assets. His assets were and are my least concern. I just wanted him to be okay…it has been a nightmare that we couldn’t get out of. I’ve been trying to pray for them but honestly it’s hard. They told so many lies on me along with his two sisters that dnt even know me…I couldn’t even read the petition because it was so upsetting. I’m so disappointed that I was so weak at the time when he needed me most…. nikki

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@becsbuddy

@mutwo I am so sorry that you felt ashamed. YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. You did your best in a trying situation in very difficult times. Your husbands daughters are also upset by the whole situation, not necessarily at you. Take some time to grieve with your children and then reach out to your step-daughters. Let them know of your concerns for their father and see if you can help. Please stay in touch, I care

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Hi Becky, thank you for your support and I pray all is well. The daughters were hostile from the beginning. The oldest came in his room and pushed me while he was on the ventilator and threatened to have me killed because he and I wanted to transfer. Then another one was yelling in his room to the point where he had to ask her to leave three times. I tried to ask her to calm dwn and she told me that he and her argued and it wasn’t about me. But he’s on a respirator…he can’t argue? I tried to work with them but they all had a issue with me even asking the physicians questions regarding his care. I had to call for security and eventually stop their visits because of their aggression.

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@mutwo

Hi Becky, thank you for your support and I pray all is well. The daughters were hostile from the beginning. The oldest came in his room and pushed me while he was on the ventilator and threatened to have me killed because he and I wanted to transfer. Then another one was yelling in his room to the point where he had to ask her to leave three times. I tried to ask her to calm dwn and she told me that he and her argued and it wasn’t about me. But he’s on a respirator…he can’t argue? I tried to work with them but they all had a issue with me even asking the physicians questions regarding his care. I had to call for security and eventually stop their visits because of their aggression.

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@mutwo. I'm sorry about issues you are having. I hope your husband gets better soon so he can come home with you. Have you consider legal help to get you through with his ex wife and daughters? This is a difficult time for you, take care of yourself.

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@becsbuddy

Hello, @mutwo I’ve been wondering if it might be a good idea for you to talk with a lawyer. You are still the wife and you need to know what your rights are as things move forward. I can’t tell you what to do, only offer suggestions. Maybe on a more positive note, you could tell me about your husband. Do you mind that I asked you?

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Hi Becky…this situation has shown me that I’m nobody. He has now been transferred to a long term acute care facility. I was able to do a FaceTime with him when he first arrived there before they set up his password. I don’t know if it was good that I did because he looked so lost, so different than how he was when I was with him. When I called back the next day, a different nurse asked me if I was the wife and I told her yes, she said we can’t talk to you and hung up. I hired an attorney the day of the hearing on March 27th but I don’t think I hired the right one. A national advocate recommended him but after I told her some of his remarks she said I shouldn’t have. He has relatives affiliated with the hospital that we wanted to be transferred from. He made me aware of that before I hired him so it was my mistake. You can ask me anything . I have to write a letter to the judge in response to the false statements that were made in the petition ….nikki

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@mamacita

Hi, @colleenyoung, yes, it has been a long time. My husband had two surgeries for MRSA, and three for his heart. He is still in the hospital, but in a regular room. We are trying to patiently wait until the tube comes out. He cannot come home until the tubing quits draining.

My daughter spent a month at a special center for folks with traches. Now she is in a SNF in Tennessee for rehap. She has been put back on a vent. Communication is difficult for both due to the times we are in.

It has been a struggle at times. I won't lie. But faith, family, and friends help tremendously.

I hope to be able to get back on Connect very soon. I miss all of you so much.

Love and light,
Mamacita Jane

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Hello Jane….my prayers to you and your family…I’m sorry that you are going through this…I’m trusting in the LORD during these difficult times

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@mayofeb2020

@mutwo. I'm sorry about issues you are having. I hope your husband gets better soon so he can come home with you. Have you consider legal help to get you through with his ex wife and daughters? This is a difficult time for you, take care of yourself.

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Thank you for your kindness. I hired someone but I feel like we are alone. I’m preparing to write the judge. The next hearing is in June. I’m trying to make progress. I pray that all is well with you. It’s a struggle to even move…but I’m holding it together because my kids have lost their father during this crisis….thank you sincerely

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@fiesty76

@mutwo, Just want you to know that I am joining Becky and others here in sending you and your family my thoughts and cyber hugs as well during this most heart wrenching time. I am glad you shared your experience even though I understand how difficult that was to do.

This group understands better than many casual acquaintances, friends or neighbors how critical health situations can bring out both the worst and best in those closest to us.

My best friend is home with Hospice care. Her daughter came to stay and take over her mom's medical and quality of care needs. Sadly, her mom gave her both legal and medical powers of attorney long before my friend's loving guy of 20+ years came into her life. Now the daughter is creating havoc in the home, attempting to take over financial matters and threatening that either "he or I need to move out of the house". I advised immediate counsel with an attorney and although they made an appointment, they cancelled it when the Hospice team scheduled a home conference because of the daughter's behavior. My friend owns the home where they reside and only she can order her daughter to leave. While she has told the daughter that her guy "stays", she is unwilling to order her to leave.

It is more than enough pain to bear witnessing what you and they are experiencing. I am so thankful that your deep religious faith is bolstering your ability to continue to manage and remain strong in the knowledge that your husband knows of your enduring love.

Support is the name of the game in this Connect group. We are here for you.

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Fiesty i pray you are well

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@mutwo

Thank you for your kindness. I hired someone but I feel like we are alone. I’m preparing to write the judge. The next hearing is in June. I’m trying to make progress. I pray that all is well with you. It’s a struggle to even move…but I’m holding it together because my kids have lost their father during this crisis….thank you sincerely

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@mutwo I hope the Judge rules in your favor for you and your kids sake this has to be so hard not only you but your kids also. WIshing you the best for you and your husband keep us posted we are here to encourage you if we can Blessing to you

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@mutwo

Hi Linda…I pray that all is well for you and your family and thank you and everyone here for your prayers. My husbands ex wife has constantly caused problems for the seven years that we’ve been together, but after we were married last year things got worse and he stopped communicating with her and her daughters…he changed his telephone number and did what he felt was necessary to avoid them. They were fighting to keep him at the facility tht he was being abused in and won because I was focused on getting him out of there and not on the petition they filed for guardianship…they listed all of his assets. His assets were and are my least concern. I just wanted him to be okay…it has been a nightmare that we couldn’t get out of. I’ve been trying to pray for them but honestly it’s hard. They told so many lies on me along with his two sisters that dnt even know me…I couldn’t even read the petition because it was so upsetting. I’m so disappointed that I was so weak at the time when he needed me most…. nikki

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@mutwo I know how difficult things are for you now and it will be even more difficult to write a good letter. What I have been told is that letter writing should be done in stages. Write a letter and put it aside. Maybe look at it 23hours later and you’ll see many things you want to remove. Continue revising it so just the facts remain. You don’t want it to sound whiney, poor me. Explain that you were doing the best you could.
I have faith in you @mutwo and I know you’ll do your best. Becky

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@lioness

@mutwo I hope the Judge rules in your favor for you and your kids sake this has to be so hard not only you but your kids also. WIshing you the best for you and your husband keep us posted we are here to encourage you if we can Blessing to you

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He granted them guardianship March 27th….

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@becsbuddy

@mutwo I know how difficult things are for you now and it will be even more difficult to write a good letter. What I have been told is that letter writing should be done in stages. Write a letter and put it aside. Maybe look at it 23hours later and you’ll see many things you want to remove. Continue revising it so just the facts remain. You don’t want it to sound whiney, poor me. Explain that you were doing the best you could.
I have faith in you @mutwo and I know you’ll do your best. Becky

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I wake up in the middle of the night and think about what to say in the letter…while I’m in the shower…sitting on the porch…why haven’t I done it yet…his life is on the line and I’m not doing anything….I got his glasses today but I’m scared to call to ask how to get them to him….it hurts when I call and they won’t tlk to me abt him..but it’s my life now and I have to deal with it….I started the letter ….. thank you Becky….I’m working on believing in myself…..best wishes to you and your family….sending love and prayers to everyone

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@mutwo

Fiesty i pray you are well

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@mutwo, Thank you for your prayers.

@mutwo and @becsbuddy, Becky’s suggestion that “letter writing should be done in stages” is absolutely sterling advice.
After serving for decades as guardian for my disabled sister and with the continuing support and approval of my still living mom and other relatives of my handling affairs as guardian, an aunt filed to have herself named as guardian. She had recently divorced and wanted access to my sister’s trust fund. I learned of her action when given notice of a hearing before a judge. I was advised to write a letter to the judge.
That was an incredibly difficult task for me to attempt. Stunned and overwhelmed by her action, my first drafts included more of the emotions I was feeling and fewer of the facts that needed to be included.
It took a few starts, set asides and new starts before I felt confident that the content was solely factual data and not emotional reaction. As Becky wrote: “by continuing to revise so that just the facts remained”, the judge dismissed the case in my favor.
The first step is always the hardest and it took me numerous drafts but Nikki you can do this, even if a few sentences at a time. We are rooting for you.

@starchy, Thank you for your follow-up about your move. When I learned at a seminar of a local company, certified nationally, who provides the services you mentioned and used, I was delighted. This company can be hired for everything from start to finish or one can select which of the services desired. Just keeping my fingers crossed that they will be available when the time comes for me.

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So glad you found about them. The woman I hired told me she was accustomed to doing much more, including sending the residents away somewhere for a few days while she did the entire move. In my case, she probably wouldn't have found my job worthwhile because I had already done nearly all the work. However, she was going through cancer treatments just at that time, so could spend a couple of days with me with just one assistant and it worked well for both of us.

I chose her because, when I was looking through all the ads, she was the one who least ageist. The others all seemed to talk about their clients as if they were feeble and incapable. Their messages were often directed at family and caregivers. The woman I chose wasn't like that and she turned out to be perfect for me. Serendipity.

As we are all aging, I suspect there will be more and more companies offering these services. We boomers are a growth industry.

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@becsbuddy

@mutwo I know how difficult things are for you now and it will be even more difficult to write a good letter. What I have been told is that letter writing should be done in stages. Write a letter and put it aside. Maybe look at it 23hours later and you’ll see many things you want to remove. Continue revising it so just the facts remain. You don’t want it to sound whiney, poor me. Explain that you were doing the best you could.
I have faith in you @mutwo and I know you’ll do your best. Becky

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Hey Becky, I pray you are well…thank you for your encouraging words and advice…I just finished the letter.

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@fiesty76

@mutwo, Thank you for your prayers.

@mutwo and @becsbuddy, Becky’s suggestion that “letter writing should be done in stages” is absolutely sterling advice.
After serving for decades as guardian for my disabled sister and with the continuing support and approval of my still living mom and other relatives of my handling affairs as guardian, an aunt filed to have herself named as guardian. She had recently divorced and wanted access to my sister’s trust fund. I learned of her action when given notice of a hearing before a judge. I was advised to write a letter to the judge.
That was an incredibly difficult task for me to attempt. Stunned and overwhelmed by her action, my first drafts included more of the emotions I was feeling and fewer of the facts that needed to be included.
It took a few starts, set asides and new starts before I felt confident that the content was solely factual data and not emotional reaction. As Becky wrote: “by continuing to revise so that just the facts remained”, the judge dismissed the case in my favor.
The first step is always the hardest and it took me numerous drafts but Nikki you can do this, even if a few sentences at a time. We are rooting for you.

@starchy, Thank you for your follow-up about your move. When I learned at a seminar of a local company, certified nationally, who provides the services you mentioned and used, I was delighted. This company can be hired for everything from start to finish or one can select which of the services desired. Just keeping my fingers crossed that they will be available when the time comes for me.

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Hey Fiesty, I pray you are well…thank you sincerely for sharing your experience with me and encouraging me…i couldn’t write the letter until I was in a better frame of mind. I talked to my husband over the phone May 23rd..he told me that his ex wife asked to be in a relationship with him. Once his daughters discovered we talked on the phone they restricted his phone privilege. I’m not able to reach him now. He sounded so frightened. He was asking me to come to the new facility where he is. I think of him day and night. I’ve started gardening to try to occupy myself. I understand I am not allowed to inquire with his medical team about his condition but I didn’t know that included his not communicating with me like he is a prisoner.

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