Compound Grief--how to cope?

I’m so sorry for your loss. Those losses can be very painful. It’s very good you are getting talk therapy. That helped me tremendously. Can you inquire about medication? I was told it can be helpful in some cases.

While we tend to want to distract ourselves from pain and loss, I wonder if feeling the feelings isn’t necessary. Your therapist should be able to give you some strategies to utilize when feeling overwhelmed.

I’m not sure I handled my dad’s death last year very well. It didn’t seem real to me and only now is it hitting me. I suppose we all process grief at different rates. I would say just be gentle with yourself.

I felt hesitant to vent to my family members and friends too. They had their own medical conditions, personal problems, etc. I found my gym friends very supportive. Going to workout made me feel better mentally and physically. Also, you might honor your dear friend in some way such as donating to his favorite charity or paying tribute to him in some way.

I'm so sorry you have had such a tragic situation occur in your life; separating from one that you loved so much for 5 years and also a close family friend dying unexpectedly. That is very hard to cope with. I had a similar situation two years ago. My best friend died in May and my husband of 30 years died in July of lung cancer. I felt so alone and forgotten! It was hard to go on. You are fortunate that you have a job to go to since that will help to distract somewhat from your sad situation for a while each day. I'm retired so I didn't have that to turn to. This forum helped me a lot with the loneliness I was feeling. People on here are very kind and supportive. I'm 80 and have no living family or friends anymore. However, I found a lot of friendly people on here.

Also what did help me a lot was to give all my problems up to God and let him handle everything. I just talk to God like he's my best friend and he is! I tell him all my issues and what I need and he answers my prayers. It gives me a lot of peace of mind.

If you need to talk, I'm here. I'll say a prayer for you. Things will get better.
PML

@pml I really appreciate your kind words and I am so sorry you also went through so much grief and loss in such a short amount of time. Very glad to hear you're doing better and have found coping strategies that work for you. I was super happy to find support groups on here that make it easy to connect and relate with others in similar situations.
You have a friend in me as well 🙂 Things will get better, just gotta take one day at a time. I also have to rememeber that it's okay to give myself some grace while I grieve and recover. I and everyone here deserves grace and patience and respect.
I wish you all the best. Thanks again

@celia16 Thank you for replying and offering your insight. I have thought about medication, but I was on Lexapro for 2 years 2021-2023 and just didn't like how it made me feel, so I'm not sure if I want to experiment with something else. Did you find any medication that works for you?

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Truly nothing can prepare us for that type of grief, and you're right, we need to be gentle with ourselves and grieve when it feels right. Grief is also not linear at all, it's truly unpredictable. So we take one day at a time and remember to allow yourself some grace.

I'm glad you find some peace in working out! Physical activity is a huge emotional release for me as well. I haven't really had the mental or physical energy to get back into a gym routine, but I will get there. Baby steps.

You always have friends here, thanks again for the reply.

@jrolando , I was prescribed Lexapro once before (before my dad died) for health anxiety, but didn’t take it opting for talk therapy. I would have taken it, if necessary though. I suspect there may be some new meds out now. The health care professionals that I have discussed it with say sometimes we need meds to get through a situation. So, to me it’s not a negative. Whatever works is a plus. Good luck with everything.

It’s a very difficult time for you but talking about it helps by not internalising the grief you are going through it helps to speak about the loss that you have endured like you shared with us complete strangers because everyone of us have suffered the way you are suffering now the trauma of loosing a dear one is very difficult to accept my suggestion to you is to change your routine to something new maybe that will help you to break the cycle of grief look for the inner strength and bring it out find some new hobbies to take your mind off you will still feel a dull ache but it will take your mind off

@jrolando, if physical activity is your default emotional release, you can look for small steps to adding physical activity back into your routine. When my dad passed, my mom had a mantra "Get up, get dressed, get out." The first mornings were hard because it was winter, dark and cold, but she maintains that getting out for a short walk first thing in the morning was her balm.

Like you said, baby steps. Kindness to yourself is essential.

You might also appreciate this related discussion that @rivermaya34 started a little while ago - compound, cumulative seem similar to me, or?

- Cumulative Grief https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/cumulative-grief/

@abida i really appreciate your kind words, thank you for the reassurance. the ache in my chest has not gone away but i am trying to find something new each day to be happy about. definitely need to break the cycle of grief, you're right about that.

I really appreciate everyone's repsonses and validating my thoughts and worries. I have an unfortunate update, tho. My grandma died in a tragic car accident one week after my dear family friend passed 🙁 My grandma was 91 and the strongest woman I know, she had years left to live but was taken from us so suddenly and tragically. It is not fair. She deserved a peaceful death surrounded by loved ones but instead she suffered from extensive injuries. I am heartbroken and also so worried about my own mom. My mom was very very close with her mom and this loss is excruciating. I could use some advice on how to comfort her, especially because it's her 60th birthday in 2 weeks and it will be her first birthday without her mom.

The month of July has really tested my sanity and mental well being. I'm trying to be strong to comfort my family but I can barely take care of myself. Just trying to do the bare minimum and make it thru the days.

@colleenyoung Thank you, I appreciate that. You're right, the best thing we can do during grief are the small things to get us thru the day. I am trying to be more kind to myself as well. Thank you for sharing that older discussion, I will have to read thru it.