Complaining Because I am PO'd
It isn't like I don't have good days where I can walk and talk and appear normal. But, the bad times are always waiting in the background. When I really consider the state of my health from birth to my upcoming demise (76 yo) it has been one long pain. First there was colic. Then there was a major burn. Then a broken collar bone. Then strep throat over and over until I had my tonsils removed. Then teeth issues that lead to removals. All this before the age of 5. Then from teenage through adult years severe pain and blood loss that left me anemic without being reasonably able to bring my hemoglobin to normal until menopause. In the interim between my teen years and menopause I had a breech birth that came close to ending my life, was diagnosed with Hasimoto's thryroiditis, and then caught Lyme Disease. I have sleep apnea and use a machine at night. Throughout the years dr visits caused more harm than good far too many times. One of my shoulders is lower than the other because the dr. who set my broken collar bone did a poor job of it. He bandaged me so tightly that my blood supply was cut off and I almost lost that arm. My low iron levels were not addressed. I wanted a wheelchair as a gift because I was too fatigued to walk. Chiropractic and acupuncture haven't done much good either. I went to a pain clinic because I have severe headaches, my cervical spine is disintegrating, and sometimes need a cane because one knee or the other or both hurt too much to walk or climb stairs. Pain medication was refused unless I would agree to a brain MRI. I have tinnitus. Afraid to get the MRI because I couldn't bear to make it worse. This morning I couldn't bend over and I am sitting with a heat pack on my back. I have a headache and feel dizzy. My closet is full of healthcare items: special pillows, heat packs, cold packs, analgesics, an oxygen generator, braces for my back, knees, wrists, elastic bandages, electric stimulation machines, neck traction devices-you name it, I probably have it. I am tired of this whole thing. I look pretty good for my age. I wish I could feel as healthy as I look. Sometimes you just cannot tell by looking at a person how much pain they are in, can you?