Caregiver/spouse of kidney recipient with personality change

Posted by lulujj777 @lulujj777, Nov 24, 2020

I'm struggling due to the change of personality in my husband. He received a kidney transplant in October 2020. He has become full of rage and takes it all out on me and has become extremely difficult to be around. He blames me for all our marital issues, curses & yells at me, calls me "stupid", threatens me by saying he will tell his social worker that he feels unsafe at home and is becoming very controlling. His case is complex having a donor of a different blood type, mild rejection issues & treatments for those issues. He has been through a lot and with covid-19 it makes things even harder. I try to be a supportive caregiver, but I'm at my witts end. I've notified his doctors & social worker, but does not follow their suggestions. We also received some pastoral counsel. We even stay in separate rooms. Any suggestions on dealing with this?

@didi123

My sweet husband's personality changed after he received his kidney. He plays video games all day long and won't help me with anything. He spends extremes amount of money. He is just rude, mean, doesn't interact with me, doesn't want sex. I thought it was depression but its not. I am disabled and he will tell me he is not doing anything for me so I need to figure out a way I can do things for my self. He was never like this he use to be happy to help me hug me all the time. I feel we are leaning toward divorce cause I don't know this man anymore. Even my family and friends say he has changed. He has a son and he was his world and now he does nothing with him. Is it his medication or is this what happens?

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Hi Didi, I add my welcome. You'll notice that I moved your message to this existing discussion where @lulujj777 talks of a similar issue. You may also be interested in reading similar experiences shared by @momoftwoboys @cindyt63 and others.

– Personality Change of Kidney Transplant Patient https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/personality-change-of-kidney-transplant-patient/

How long ago was your husband's transplant?

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@colleenyoung

Hi Didi, I add my welcome. You'll notice that I moved your message to this existing discussion where @lulujj777 talks of a similar issue. You may also be interested in reading similar experiences shared by @momoftwoboys @cindyt63 and others.

– Personality Change of Kidney Transplant Patient https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/personality-change-of-kidney-transplant-patient/

How long ago was your husband's transplant?

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He had his transplant 3 years ago

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Thank you Colleen for redirecting me to the others post it is exactly what I am going through. It is good to know I am not alone. It makes me feel a little better know it could be medicated related and that he is not purposely treating me horrible on purpose. I know he is suppose to be on steriods the rest of his life so I will have to try to have a conversation with him to see if maybe there are other options he can talk to the doctor about.

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@didi123

Thank you Colleen for redirecting me to the others post it is exactly what I am going through. It is good to know I am not alone. It makes me feel a little better know it could be medicated related and that he is not purposely treating me horrible on purpose. I know he is suppose to be on steriods the rest of his life so I will have to try to have a conversation with him to see if maybe there are other options he can talk to the doctor about.

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It is so difficult to remember, when in the midst of the challenge of living with someone's medical or psychological behavior, that it is not necessarily "intentional." That is why the Caregiver group, or a Transplant support group, is SO important.

Remember – you are not alone. We welcome you to visit us here for assistance.
Sue

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