Mayo Clinic Connect
Three and a half years ago I was in a catastrophic car accident. I was air lifted to the nearest regional trauma center. I had many injuries but the worst was a TBI with brain bleeds. Since then I have struggled with dizziness, anxiety, depression and PTSD. The most recent episodes happened on a motor trip to Montana. I get dizzy and car sick while driving and my startle response is greatly exaggerated. Anything that looks threatening causes me to jolt, cry out and my arms fly up and shake. There have been instances when We have driven by an accident scene, I scream several times and then sob. It all comes back.
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Brain injuries are the worst. I've been in a few bad wrecks, most bones broken or smashed. But the worst damage is my head. And the PTSD triggers. There are so many. My last true trauma was 15 years ago. Was a city health inspector, got caught in a gang thing, Crips vs Bloods, held at gunpoint. But they decided to let me go after a while, I think because I was helping one of the gangbanger's boys recover from lead poisoning. But I've never been the same. Lots of counseling. Had to quit work. Even after all these years I can't identify all my triggers. I hide. I'm afraid to venture outside. And I suffer from shingles, a nasty nerve disorder from chicken pox. I'd like to tell you that your life will improve, but it may not. I am productive tho. I write to our USA troops serving overseas, hand paint cards and envelopes. I cuddle my cats. My best friend lives just nextdoor and she feeds me. She's 200 pounds, I'm 120. She likes to cook, so I eat. I don't pretend that I'm OK anymore, cause I'm not. I'm damaged. But I feel safe in my house, so I stay in my house. Order groceries and pet food online. Best wishes to you
Liked by Lisa Lucier, Connect Moderator, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor, cambriaclover
I am so sorry to hear these struggles. I have had PTSD for close to 8 years now. Is there any medication that you can take that will calm down your startle responses so that you can try and gain more control? Have you tried Hemp Oil? It helps with my anxiety a great deal.
Re PTSD in general: A soldier with PTSD suggested I buy the book THE PTSD WORKBOOK, by Mary Beth Williams. I did, from Amazon. 7 months ago. I opened it. Once. Placed it by my bed. There it sits. I'm not in touch with that soldier now. Has anyone here worked this workbook? Any feedback and motivation is welcome.
Where is the work book for the person who as a child was never told "I love you", tossed into the wall by her hair, beaten, starved. Never held tenderly and told they are good for nothing ?. What helped me was to carefully watch the actions and words of these persons (my family members). Uncaring bullies nasty people who are as uncaring as their nature. They are never told this is not the way. To me they are enjoying the hurt. Break the dinner dishes over their heads, not mine. My way of life is to be kind to others, to do whatever I can to help in as many ways as possible. And watch out for these people. They are around. and live your now life with a smile.
Liked by Lisa Lucier, Connect Moderator, peggyella
This is just awful. There is no workbook or guide for these horrors. I guess for those who have been abused the only way is to do your best to live and don't repeat what happened to you. We humans are just a failure of a species.
Liked by Lisa Lucier, Connect Moderator
Disassociation happens when a person separates himself, his thoughts and sense of identity from reality. It happens when there is huge stress. You disconnect from surroundings and feelings. It actually is a defense mechanism so that you can feel less afraid, less pain, less suffering. It is a blocking of emotional pain as a way of self-preservation. For example- if your are very stressed and upset and bury yourself on or in your bed to escape your mental anguish- you separate yourself- dis- associate, stop associating with life.
Liked by Lisa Lucier, Connect Moderator, cognac, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor
O>K> A failure of a species does fit but: Do not forget the many peoples who do the good. The saving of animals and people. The love and care to the animals and people. Of course there never seems to be enough to go around. During my many suffering years when i would see a god deed I would imagine that it was my getting the love. Anyway I could grab on to it. Survival as you cry.
Liked by Lisa Lucier, Connect Moderator, Merry, Volunteer Mentor
Of course there are good people, but they are a minority right now as you look at the planet–but this is far from discussing PTSD, so sorry for deviating
I intend to try Hemp Oil. Docs have tried all kinds of meds for me and because I am extremely sensitive to them, the side effects are not worth the benefit. I will let you know if your suggestions helps. Thanks.
Liked by Merry, Volunteer Mentor
what is disassociating? I'm learning so much here. Thanks 2 everyone 4 educating me. Please explain disassociating
It's when your brain can't handle any more of the trauma and it tries to help your body and mind survive so your mind goes somewhere else it considers safer. For example, my PTSD is the result of childhood sexual abuse… incest. When things were being done to me rather than just go crazy my mind would take me away. While I was still very young it would take me to my grandmother's house and, as I grew older it many times took me to books or stories I had read. You literally feel transported, your mind "dis" "associates" from your body. It usually happens involuntarily but I found once I realized it could happen I could sometimes consciously will it to happen. It's a bit like meditation, the more you work at it the easier it becomes. I know you have lots of questions and I'm happy to share what I've learned and, the more you understand how something works the easier it becomes to control the controllable parts of it.
Liked by Merry, Volunteer Mentor, peggyella
Yes! Hopefully I can find this group again.
@cambriaclover– I'm not sure to say welcome or welcome back. Were you part of this group before? How are you doing? I have PTSD from having four lung cancers over a period of 20+ years. But given my personality my brain was probably waiting for a stressor to start it! What symptoms are your worse?
@cambriaclover, maybe the worst of PTSD is the ever present low level of anxiety and depression, sometimes peaking in a screaming and crying "spell" brought on by an unexpected close call. Loud noises bring on exaggerated startle responses of fluttery hands and rapid breathing. Guess there is not a worse response just different ones to various circumstances. Expect the unexpected.
@lakelifelady; @cambriaclover; @dandi: Good morning. I started a post in early December in the Lung Cancer groups about PTSD and cancer recurrences. It's a big deal with survivors, as you can all imagine- and other disastrous illnesses and diseases. I'd like to share this with you and also invite you to read my blog post on it. Let me know what you think.
@peach Hello, I am truly sorry for your childhood. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD with Major depression I never had a proper childhood either
My counselors feel that I was abused as an infant and my mom has no response to it. My Dad was abusive to my mom I was a child that had the responsibility to protect her since age 6. I did the best I could because I was my dads favorite. I guess. My Dad treated my mom horrible. My Dad would teach me about the Bible and make me read it back then. (after hurting my mom) He taught me that waiting to get married for sex was Gods way. We fought all the time. He would make me stand in the corner and when I got older-I said Try to put me there He learned he could not trust me. He learned to show Respect around my mom or else. He knew I loved him. She finally divorced him and life got really scary. One time he got a gun out to shoot me. He had gotten too drunk My mom woke me to help her at age 11. I said Come get me MF. He did but started punching me down the steps. Mom actually jumped on his back then to help me. We ran to the neighbors. He was not able to shoot us then. What killed me the most was when mom said I was the reason she stayed. My Dad was Bipolar, narcissistic and mean. I walked into a clinic at age 12, trying to get help for my parents. They just laughed at me.
When I was 21, Dad and I were friends. He realized I was a woman. He then treated me like shit. But I stood up to him. He was mean and heartless. He married another woman for 35 years She was the type to do as he wanted.
Then I married a man for thirty years and found out he was a gay man -narcissistic-pedophile-narc and a psychopath. He ruined my life and my children He also turned them against me too. You would think He was such a wonderful man He could convince you the sky was gray.
I buried my Dad who would not help me if stranded. However, he insisted, I watch him die this year. It was a horrible experience. His last words were: You are an asshole. I was late getting to the right hospital where he was taken. But I loved him and read him the bible the last 7 days he went without food and water. I let him listen to a Bible song on my phone when he took his last breath. I am not sure where he went after death. I guess when you said: the judge gave your children back to the predator-It made me want to write all this. Amazing My head has been twisted my sick asses my whole life.
I have gone into a big depression due to my health problems in the last five years. But this time I cannot get out of the house, work or have good hygiene practices anymore. It has been going on for 4 months now. I have always played the tough girl but I have always been helpful to everyone I met in this lifetime. I love the lord. I love and look for blessing in Everyone and Everything. The judge sent my children back to the predator too. My anger for Adult Authority has gone down the drain. Thanks for listening. Cat
I felt so bad reading your post. I am praying for you. I understand about major depression and not wanting to leave the house. We care!
Liked by Merry, Volunteer Mentor, ainsleigh
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