Anyone Else With PTSD?

Posted by Parus @parus, Jul 21, 2017

Curious

@parus

I surely am not alone.

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@mcrl

I want to welcome you to the Mayo Connect community. Your asking for help is why we are here. You say you have never seen a therapist, or been in a support group before, so you are really brave to start with us. You will find the other members here to be kind and supportive with you.

It will help us to be helpful for you if you provide some information. Would you be willing to share more about your situation with us? How have you determined that you have PTSD if you've not seen a therapist? I have PTSD from my childhood, and I want to share with you and support you toward health. Anything you can share will be helpful. Other members of the community have experienced PTSD, and will reach out to you as well. I look forward to hearing back from you.

Gail
Volunteer Mentor

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@mcrl

I have ptsd from the age of 5 yrs,incest rape witness so much violence all by family i have never gotten help,repressed memories,smells chronic pain on all my body i didnt know i had ptsd until a few yrs back triggers, anxiety all my life i cant stand the cold, sounds distract me,i always feel fat i was 5 yrs old when my brother started sexually molesting me, n lasted for yrs.

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Dear mcri I feel your pain and understand. It took me till I was 80 years old to be told by my psychiatrist that part of my suffering is due to ptsd from my family starting from birth. In a way it is good to know that there are other people in this world who can understand and know the suffering we have still inside of us. It may weaken, but it will always be there. I think this makes us much more understanding of the world and the people in it. We truly are not alone. I wish there were a way that this can be shared with others in a group setting. (None in my area).

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@pendragonart

did you read the Vonnegut one about the young man with psoriasis? was it rabbit, run? read it when I was 10 and it meant a lot to me. books were my salvation in that I found others who suffered….eli weisel’s autobiographical novel “night”was profoundly moving, read it at age 12 and finally found someone I could identify with in the protagonist. I felt like a holocaust survivor, didn’t tell anyone for 20 yrs or so that I deeply felt that way, because it seemed insulting to jews since I was not a jew. my therapist was jewish and said I was a survivor of torture (and Stockholm syndrome) without validation from any source so was as if all my fault or imagination. at 65, I am much healthier but still have attacks (had one yesterday) when something triggers me with anger or cruelty. less suicidal for sure. I don’t think there is much most therapists could do, but I know what I need when I can find it. when I see kindness, thoughtfulness, tenderness especially, and honoring other human beings, it helps me. when I receive that treatment it helps me even more. when I feel a sense of belonging, value, respect and acceptance, it helps me a lot…I get better. when I am with others whom I can trust to not betray me or EVER be cruel or mean, it helps me heal and grow. these things help me more than most therapy. I hope that those qualities of interpersonal contact are available to you, since social mistrust is common among us and is something often very isolating. it sure was for me, which makes it hard to have relationships or be around people at all…

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Dear Pendragon: After reading your post I see myself in it. Such suffering is so very cruel. To truly understand these feelings of torture you have to experience it. We both know that there are others who have been tortured as we have been. It is so embarrising to reveal ourselves but sometimes it can help us when the other person has been through the same experiences. Hang in there I understand and do care for you. Peach Barbara

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@mcrl

I have ptsd from the age of 5 yrs,incest rape witness so much violence all by family i have never gotten help,repressed memories,smells chronic pain on all my body i didnt know i had ptsd until a few yrs back triggers, anxiety all my life i cant stand the cold, sounds distract me,i always feel fat i was 5 yrs old when my brother started sexually molesting me, n lasted for yrs.

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@mcri May sound shallow, but there are others here who can empathize. I am sorry for what you and many others are still dealing with and what it done to our minds and bodies. I do "get it". I so understand what you are describing. We are not crazy even though it may feel this way. Safe hugs.

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@pendragonart Very helpful thoughts! Good treatment with a well trained professional is very important. Could you talk more on what you said at the end of your post, "work with your body not just your thoughts and feelings." I'd like to know more about how you accomplish this. I think it would be helpful to everyone in this discussion.

Teresa

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@parus

I surely am not alone.

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Hello @mcrl

Along with Gail, @gailb, I would like to welcome you to Connect. I'm glad that you joined this online support network. You are certainly not alone in this matter of PTSD.

I look forward to your reading your posts and getting to know you better.

Teresa

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I would appreciate sharing my work with the body, my instinctive search for a physical approach and failures/successes that I encountered. I will try to have a reply on this by tomorrow..but .time is a constraint. I have put my prime goal in life to find answers and heal myself since I was 9 yrs. when I started reading psychology books.and read of learned helplessness. .it has been a challenge to find bodyworkers of the right sort or therapists who work with trauma thru bodywork..

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@parus

I surely am not alone.

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Look into books by Judith Herman healing trauma….a breakthrough book years ago, and Bessel van Der Kolk's ibooks, also Peter Levine, "waking the tiger," and check YouTube videos on both these two men, top experts in field. Get a true specialist in cptsd aka developmental trauma disorder, if stemming from childhood.

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As you can see you are not alone. A Hospital Psychiatrist first recognized my PTSD while I was inpatient for major depressive order and suicidal ideation. He enrolled me in a trauma resolution course. There were several dozen people in the courses who all were struggling with PTSD. It was hard work but very insightful and the beginning of healing. After that I entered a 3 week course for PTSD which met twice a week but only had 6 participants and the PTSD specialist. I felt so comfortable with the specialist and trusted his professional abilities that I asked him if he could fit me into his private practice, and I now meet with him every two weeks to continue working on the PTSD. It has been so helpful and I'm thankful the MD recognized the symptoms and sent me on a positive path. I hope you find a good path as well. Blessings!

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@hopeful33250

@pendragonart Very helpful thoughts! Good treatment with a well trained professional is very important. Could you talk more on what you said at the end of your post, "work with your body not just your thoughts and feelings." I'd like to know more about how you accomplish this. I think it would be helpful to everyone in this discussion.

Teresa

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To add to suggestions of peter Levine and Bessel van der kolk (spelling may be off) in response to teresa's question for me to share working with body movements over talking and conscious mind work…I have found instinctively a need for a specific touch to help when in a ptsd attack as well as an overall need and longing aching for tenderness. I knew that another's gentle full-palm hand placed above my heart area, just below collar bonesb in middle, was what I needed. It always helped, especially when I was regressed or terrified. It helped a bit to do it to myself if no one else there. I discovered years later that one of the world's top torture recovery experts who used Tapping methods, told me that spot is a tapping spot they use in treating POWs. Not heart or throat chakra, in between. I also found massage to be healing, and asked for tenderness, to touch my skin with reverence as I felt defiled and lived with agonizing shame daily. I still struggle with severe self loathing shame and suicidal feelings when I am (frequently) triggered. Have improved greatly over lifetime of search for answers, tenderness/connection….. and a place to belong.

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PTSD won't go a way. Has been sooo bad lately. Boogey people everywhere. I need help and no place to turn. Keep canceling everything. Piece of no good low life scum. Would that I could move on. Have a home and roof over head. Keep rent and utilities paid will have place to live. we can do this much.

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Your post brings tears to my eyes because those could be my words you wrote. I try to turn my inner judgements into compassion for the horror, terror and pain I lived with that seemed to be of my own doing or my own body. But the hatred of my often incapacitating fear is often too much. Compassion doesn't have a chance in the cataclism of torment that engulfs me. I love your little suffering child, feel such compassion for her. Wish it was easier to have it for myself!

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I have been having a dreadful time flipping in and out. PTSD I suppose. I cannot even open my patio verticals. I like being outside but not for now. Been doing some drawing of memories all jumbled. I can do more than draw and paint-sometimes.

abuse III r

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@parus

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time right now. I hope you begin to feel some relief.

Thanks for sharing your drawing. Teresa

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@mcrl

I have ptsd from the age of 5 yrs,incest rape witness so much violence all by family i have never gotten help,repressed memories,smells chronic pain on all my body i didnt know i had ptsd until a few yrs back triggers, anxiety all my life i cant stand the cold, sounds distract me,i always feel fat i was 5 yrs old when my brother started sexually molesting me, n lasted for yrs.

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I live in texas i wish i could join a support group but i dont know where to go if anybody knows let me know

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