Sister still drinking despite consequences, any advice?

Posted by craigcraig @craigcraig, Jun 28 5:58am

Hi. I had a liver transplant and am not a drinker. Never really was much of one except for college. My sister is 61 and recently divorced with two adult kids. Her drinking was the biggest factor in her divorce. She finally hit bottom in her family's eyes with a DUI and was too drunk to show up for her court date. Only a very good lawyer has kept her out of jail. She has also got drunk and fallen 3 times and has had 2 brain surgeries. Somehow minor enough to be shortly released. She somehow still lives to drink (in our eyes and behind everyone's back). Has had terrible fights and has cut off most of her sons, friends brothers, mom, etc. . Admits now she has a problem but still lies whenever her mouth opens and refuses inpatient or outpatient treatment. And continues to believe she can drink and "just cut down" despite 3 serious falls, two accidents , two brain surgeries, excetera in the last 6 months. My wife, brother , nephews, friends and I have strongly counseled her to get help before she kills herself or someone else. But she defies logic and insists she can live without treatment/help and has either broken off relations with or barely puts up with her circle of people. I know it has to be her decision and I (we) can't do it for her but any suggestions from you guys who have more experience in this topic than I do. Than you.

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hankhelp | @hankhelp | 20 hours ago

Hello,
I didn't get to look past the 1st few comments and they seemed to be centered on the driving aspect. If you will, I am a 3yrs sober alcoholic and, SO FAR, I have been very strong and I feel like it will continue getting better and better. I am 46 and I went into treatment two times. The 1st time I was lying in a hospital bed with the Dr telling me that had I not come in when I had, I would be DEAD within 3 days. My mother was sitting next to my bed and she said "If you do not go somewhere, I am NEVER speaking to you again!". (I am not sure if they will let me say their name of where I went on here but if you want it, let me know and I will tell you. It is an ABSOLUTLY AMAZING facility.) I found the place on Google, something to do with a Beach and a House, and they sent a Uber, put me on the next plane out, and I spent 90 days (you can stay shorter) learning about my disease and learning about myself.
After that I stayed sober for approximately a year until something happened and I fell right back in. That went on for just a few months because I did realize that when you're an alcoholic and go back to drinking after some time off, you don't het to start at the beginning of alcoholism, you pick up right where you left off and I left off in a ICU bed. It didn't take long and then I had the most God proving, uncharacteristically insightful, moment in my life... I called the same beachy treatment center 1st and the EMS 2nd. This time I learned that NOTHING you say, NOTHING others say, NO MATTER how much trouble I could get into (DUI, BUI, Public Intox, impending DEATH) there was only ONE THING that would make me stop. ME!
I tell you all of this in a comment to your story because 1. I care and 2, People that haven't "been there" and more importantly opened their mind, will NEVER fully understand. They may empathize, they may sympathize, but they are just not able to feel the same chemical change of the brain that someone with this disease experiences. You want to do the best for your sister. You are TIRED of the life she has chosen because It's not only hurting her, but it is also "killing" you inside to watch. The TRUTH of the matter is, there is NOTHING you can directly do that will make her stop drinking. NOTHING. She has to know how it feels to be completely sober again in a safe environment for enough time to find herself. One thing you CAN tell her is this: You don't need to go to treatment to stop drinking. You need to go to FIND YOUR NEW SELF. "The old you couldn't handle life without alcohol. It was too scared and afraid of reality and didn't have the tools to grow into a better you. I want you to go find the new you because I know you are meant for MORE!"
Now I have no idea if that will work but the easier you make it for her to choose, the more likely she will accept BUT if she is not ready, If she doesn't WANT to stop and tells you exactly that, then you need to turn around, hang up the phone, or shut down the screen because there is not a force on this earth that will make her stop until she is ready. That is where you begin to focus on you and start keeping her OUT OF YOUR LIFE. It may seem harsh but until she hits "her version of bottom" nit yours or anyone else's, she will take herself down and everyone around her with her.

I will be praying for you and your sister. There IS hope and even IF you have to hang up that phone, there WILL be better days in the future.