Am I asking too much?

I don’t think you’re asking for too much. You should be able to not only put the labor in, but also enjoy your home. Take some time for only you! You definitely deserve it. I know it is difficult when depression is relentless. I’m only 28 but have dealt with it my whole life. I now have many chronic illnesses that prevent me from getting much done around my apartment. I have to always remind myself that I don’t always have to do everything. I have kids and a boyfriend to help as well when they can. I slow down to enjoy my space and I think you should too. I wish you all the best.

You are not selfish, you are human. We all need to be seen and respected - it doesn’t sound like you are receiving either. He is your ex-husband for a reason, so I wouldn’t expect much from him, but your son is a different story. Sometimes we need to remind people of who we are to them, and that - if nothing else - they owe us basic respect and dignity. I had to have that conversation with my daughter several years ago. It wasn’t comfortable or easy, but it was necessary to rebalance the relationship. Once our kids are older, we can’t order them about, but we can remind them that we are the one who has loved them since the day they were born - and still do - but that care and love deserves to be respected. If you are being told you are a pain in the ass if you complain, then you need to call them out about it. I’m not saying you should go off on them, just calmly say that everyone has the right to complain when they are exhausted and need a break from a grueling schedule. You receive social security - use some of it to get your hair done, pamper yourself occasionally - you deserve it. Take time for yourself and try to make some friends either in person or online. We all need someone we can vent with.

Is it possible to go on a get-a-way? What about a long weekend in a city with friends to get pampered, massage, pedicure, dining, concert or play, etc. Maybe a change of scenery can help you reflect on whether your current lifestyle is what you want. Yard maintenance is huge. I tried to do it myself until I was attacked by bunch of yellow jackets! Ouch! Now I pay someone. I love the view in my backyard, but would be content with a small patio area with potted plants. Oh, the work you are doing is quite valuable. So you are contributing big time.

Yes .... I think you are asking WAY too much of YOURSELF!
You are worthy of living there by everything you have done, past/present.
It sounds like such beautiful surroundings you. You need to breathe and be in them, even if they are not perfect. That statement is coming from me ... a totally over-the-top perfectionist, who tries to do everything herself. I am still learning every single day that me being like that is truly my own worst enemy...you'd think I would know by now.... NOT!
Just yesterday I got up enough energy to go to the store (took a Clonazepam before leaving so I wouldn't melt down when I was there...) I had full intention of picking up 25 bags of mulch for the garden, that so woefully needs attention. I got there, starting loading up one of those big push carts.... and got to 10 bags. I could not do anymore. Screw it I said, 10 is a start!
The 10 bags are sitting in my driveway now and I will have to go back and get those other bags. I shall sit and try to enjoy the variations of the flowering weeds until I have the time and energy to deal with the next step.
I am S L O W L Y learning that nothing is so important to stress me out so completely.
However difficult/seemingly impossible it is, we have to be kind to ourselves. Worry about how we are doing before all that other "stuff".

I'm curious. Are your son and ex-husband saying and doing things that make you feel inadequate, or is that coming from you? Since answers will differ depending on what that situation is, perhaps you could clarify. Your final sentence indicates at least part of it is coming from them, so maybe you could expand on that.

As for the exhaustion, you shouldn't be asked to do more than you're capable of, whether they're demanding it or you're pushing yourself too hard. I'm in my 60s as well. Our bodies are slowing down. It could be developing medical issues, it could just be the wear and tear of the years. We can only do so much about that.

Thanks.

@depressedbutnotdead

Thank you for responding. I am very hard in myself. Both my ex and son are very hard workers. They do not say anything to me but I feel like I am inadequate if I just relax. I feel useless.

Wow, you sound exa tly like me! Thank you for the advise. I need to learn to like myself a little bit. It is hard for me to relax if things are not done, and, done perfectly.

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Thank you. I really have no friends or family I do need to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life thou.

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