Addicted to drugs and I keep relapsing…..what to do??

@raginkjunprincess

Welcome to Mayo Connect. Staying sober after rehab is not easy. Sometimes, while in rehab, you can concentrate on yourself, but once you leave, life happens and the same stressors are still present, and if you do not have alternative ways to handle them, you can revert to old habits.

Even if you are homebound, there are online meetings you can attend. For more information on options, see the following discussion:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/when-do-they-have-online-groups-you-can-join-while-facing-alcohol-addi/
When you were in rehab, did you do a recovery plan? If so, is it helpful?
If you do not have one, here is a sample template that you can use to create your own:
https://flcourts-media.flcourts.gov/content/download/732700/file/RELAPSE
Do you have any professional support, a therapist, etc.. to work with you on your situation?

Hi, I can relate to some of your story except I do not have any children. I want to tell you that it is possible to stop. I also started using drugs and alcohol at age 12. I went to treatment at 14 and then 3 times after that over my life so far. I hit bottom again at age 47 and knew that I was going to die if I did not stop, either by driving, killing myself or someone else, my health or in a blackout. I went back to AA as I had reached a point of total desperation. 8+ years later, I know that desperation was a gift although I did not feel like it at the time. The people in AA surrounded me with support. I am also in therapy and have been for 6 years now. I want you to know that it is possible. One day at a time is truly a way to think and it is also the reality of how we have to live as today, this moment is really all we have. I wish I could have gotten sober the first time I went to treatment as I do hate that I wasted so much of my life, however, having said that, I know that there is a reason and I am grateful I woke up today not feeling like shit and trying to figure out my next fix. That is a full time miserable job. If you can't get out to go to a meeting, there are meetings on Zoom, NA and AA. Hang in there!

Same.
Do you really want to quit? Or do you just *want to* want to quit?

@katostrophiclyslow I have been there as well. It is a brutal merry go round. As they say, "it takes what it takes..." I did not quit until I reached the depths of despair. My partner of decades, also an alcoholic, just could not. He tried, went to treatment, 6 times at the ER in 2 years, cirrhosis, alcoholic hepatitis, pancreatitis and throwing up blood. I found him passed away in our house 12/18/23. This dis-ease will kill.

Hello @raginkjunprincess,

I would like to join @roch, @diverdown1, and the others who have welcomed you to Mayo Connect and offered their support and encouragement. While I've not had an addiction problem, I have seen it in family members and friends.

As I read your post, one sentence stood out to me, " I don’t have a very good support system, and at the moment I don’t have any friends, and I don’t leave my house really except for a doctor appointment. " One basic thing I have learned about addiction and recovery is that it cannot be done alone. Recovery from addiction does require a community. Finding a community will help you to recover.

As it sounds like you are staying close to home, it is important that you find a community. Here is a link to AA's website: https://www.aa.org/contact-gso. If you go to the tab labeled "Resources," you will see a way you can contact AA to find support groups near you. If an in-person or online support group is available, perhaps they can help you find one. Remember, just taking small steps toward recovery is a great first step.

I look forward to hearing from you again.

Hi Princess,

My heart broke reading your comments and questions. Your life is challenging enough to have addiction added to the list. But like everyone else, we can only play the card we've been dealt.

But I have some good news for you. You've taken the first step toward long-tern sobriety by simply asking for help. I've been sober for almost 15 now, and asking for help is the second part of a two-part process toward l.t. sobriety. The first part is simply admitting you are powerless over alcohol and drugs.

So the sequence is to honestly tell yourself, "Alcohol and drugs are running and ruining my life. I have tried everything I can think of. I give up. I surrender to this fact of my life. Please help me."

And that's how you make your start. AA is not a perfect organization, but that's where I suggest you start. I think you'll be amazed at how people will respond to the honesty you've shown here. I also suggest finding a sponsor after going to meetings and finding women who you relate to. A sponsor is a huge part of early recovery.

And if you find any part of the AA program to be outside your beliefs, especially a higher power, don't work on that. And find a sponsor who agrees with this process. AA doesn't have to be a rigid process, although it may look that way at times. That said, I have found steps 1, 4, 5, 8, 9, and 12 to be the most necessary and the most helpful.

I hope that helps Princess. I will answer any other questions you have. That said, by posting here and asking for help, you've already made your start toward sobriety. Good for you. This takes courage and responsibility. Well done!

Joe

Well said Teresa. Seeking help is a HUGE step in long-term sobriety and Princess has taken that step on this forum. And your advice about finding and participating in a community, starting with AA, is invaluable.

I'm amazed at how well you understand addiction, not being an addict yourself. I'm sure you've learned about addiction the hard way, by being on the receiving end of an addict's actions.

Well good for you, for persevering and for helping. Thank you Teresa.

Joe

Hi,

I can totally relate. I am in recovery too. I regularly attend AA and NA. Many people entering recovery have other issues, financial, medical, emotional. Our lives are a mess and drinking and drugs make it worse. Once I got the drugs and alcohol out of my system all the other issues started to get better too. If I do nothing it gets worse. Recovery is not easy but it is easier than continuing to use and the demoralization that comes with it. I could think of a thousands reasons to justify using or not taking action, I was only arguing with myself. Imaging if you were talking to a sibling with your problems, what would you suggest to them? Blobbing around the house depressed is not useful. If you can try a support group meeting every day for 90 days, it is amazing the changes I felt, and have seen in others. In addiction I could not imaging a meaningful, happy life, now I am living one. Recovery has worked for many and it can for you too.

It took me years to figure out and screaming to myself to do something that doesn’t control my life. It took over my life when I was 18 playing in music groups around the Minnesota area. I just did what everyone did in the band. In college I drank and did miscellaneous drugs throughout my 2 degrees. I got married and we had two girls to take care of. I drank every part of the day. One day after drinking with my business people I got into my car and went home. I don’t remember side hitting several cars on the way home. When I got home I looked and my brother-law and sister were there with my wife and I walked by them went downstairs and passed out. The next day I got calls from the police and city government about my driving. My wife was not happy. She was embarrassed and worried about me. That next day Oct 13th 1996 !!!! I quit drinking and quit all drugs! They were in control of my life!! I escaped and have lived a very happy life!!

My son was severely addicted for many years. It got to the point he just wanted to die to stop the suffering. Then, something clicked—he went to rehab one more time (versus jail)and stayed a year in a half way house. He was so determined and still fights everyday. You have to be in that mindset. No more excuses—stressed? Exercise! Wanting to use—call your AA sponsor immediately. Talk things out. Mental health? Check in with a therapist OR EXERCISE to lift those endorphins. Exercise is free and helps clear the mind. But YOU have to want it bad enough. Quit eating junk food. Take charge of your physical health as well. We went to hell and back with our son. I love him to death and forgiveness is such a powerful tool. He did plenty of bad things, but apologized as part of the 12 step program. You can do this! If you need a cheerleader please reach out! Happy Valentines Day. ♥️