A depressed teen here. Gonna be long and boring but need help
Hello, thanks for stopping by.
Sorry for my English and grammar, I’m not from the US.
By the end, you may say “oh wow why I’m reading about this kid” I won’t blame you I don’t deserve your time honestly. And it’s really long 🙁
I’m 19. This is probably my first time to talk about myself in public as I’ve never asked for help or express my feelings on social media and tried to keep them separate.
I’ve been feeling very unwell lately. Not interesting reasons but it’s what it’s. Exams are like within 2 weeks and I haven’t prepared at all. “So you’re a careless teen who keeps complaining hah?”. I really tried but of course not enough. Every time I start studying I get immediately distracted, dizzy and depressed. I can’t stop thinking that I won’t make it and finish at least a few of the many topics that I’ve. Btw, I’m a 2nd-year medical student. My last year’s grades were almost ok. I got a C & a D and both combined were C. This was on the first term of my schools as the second was just a pass or fail and I passed. I used Mayo Clinic a lot during the past 1 and a half years and I just found this “Contact” tap or forum (don’t know what to call it). I hope I’m not miss-using it as I don’t know but I feel stupid and I shouldn’t be here.
I became very unorganized and careless since I joined and I’m always way behind my classmates and classes was the only way I had to gain a small amount of self-confidence as I’ve been feeling worthless and started to get these ideas about how I’m nothing and don’t deserve to be in this school or taking somebody’s place, and even thoughts about suiciding or donating my organs. My family is very supportive but by which I mean taking good care of me. I’m scared to talk to them about anything. They won’t believe it as I’m a lazy person who is fooling around with his phone 24/7. And looks like my brother and sister are studying really well.
Recently, I tried to talk to a girl who doesn’t really know me, or neither do I. But she blocked me after 4 months of talk. I guess she was disappointed with the way I act so worthless and emotional all the time and “scared of losing her”. She, my exams, my thoughts, and my whole future were floating in front of me every time I open a notebook, PDF, etc. I believe in God but my connection to God is probably none I don’t pray and kinda embarrassed to do so.
Is it too late to talk to anyone from my school, teachers, and doctors? and for some reason, I guess they won’t understand or I won’t follow their advice and keep going through this stupid circle. Also, I don’t live in an area where there’re psychologists to visit. And would be embarrassed to try that out while I’m at college a maybe because of my family traditions?
This is nothing to what I had 3 years ago which was tragic but I managed to stay strong and came on top of my school.
Unfortunately, This is not the case this time.
Thanks so much for reading this <3