Alzheimers and lost time

True, thank you!

I just read about this book that might be helpful .. now available in paperback. Apologies if someone already referenced it and I am late to the game!
https://nicenews.com/health-and-wellness/my-two-elaines-governor-martin-schreiber-alzheimers-caregivers/

@katrina123

I wrote this to terrilynne over 2 years ago and oh how things have changed. I said how lucky I was that my husband had not been mean. Well, his Alzheimer's has progressed, and he has gotten a lot worse. Often, he thinks I am someone else and he gets very angry. He has told me to get out of the house, or he will call the police. He has refused a couple of times to allow me to sleep with him because he thought I was someone else, so I slept on the recliner in our family room. He has yelled at me if we need to use the car because he said the car does not belong to me. He insists that we are in the wrong house and that we should leave. Probably because there are times that our house does not look familiar to him. The examples are just a fraction of the anger that he is expressing. The odd thing is when he is lucid, he is loving and kind and tells me how lucky he is to have me. This is so very difficult. I know he is getting much worse and the idea of having to place him in a memory care center just mortifies me. The idea that I wouldn't have him with me after 58 years of being married and the worry of the horrible expense of memory care is difficult to deal with. No big pensions and no long-term care insurance......damn.

My husband wants to kiss me all the time as well. Was not like this before.

I see these comments about the constant kissing and touching and I am so relieved to see that this is not that unusual. My husband was never a big kisser, but can't stop now. He talks about sex way too often, making references to it every day. If I let him know that I am not interested he gets very offended and says he needs to feel loved. This leads to either depression or anger on his part. He wants me to cuddle up to him in bed every night now. I know I shouldn't complain because some day I will miss it, but I don't want to make out every night. After 40 years of marriage, he said he finally realizes that he loves me.

@blc1951 This is an interesting post as I'm seeing the same loving interest from my husband, enough so, he announced to me on New Year's Eve, that we hadn't reached out for one another for a year. (those weren't his actual words, they were far more direct). I explained to him, after 8 months of having to move out of our house for mold, living in hotels, a rental house with mold we had to leave in 8 days, moving again, then back in a hotel, then in another rental house, with a lot of out of pocket debt and worry, and so much stress, in the middle of his MCI diagnosis, and the $ we lost on breaking the rental lease, I was sorry he felt that way. Perhaps, he had forgotten the few times in 2025 we did reach out for one another. Oh well, it just amazed me that he would remember that and tell me what he thought in the middle of not remembering where he left his knapsack, phone, wallet, and car keys on that very same day. Amazing, at least we had a little humor when he told me, he remembered because he's a man. So thanks, for sharing. I'm sorry your husband told you after 40 years, he realizes he loves you. Oh well, life, who knows what's in store for us in 2026, and what any of us will remember!

@blc1951 OMG!!!! I’ve been reluctant to bring up intimacy in this forum…. This is my husband to a tee!

Sex has always been a huge part of our relationship. Between his ED and my antidepressants, it’s a challenge. Does that slow him down… ? NO!

I’ve discussed his belief that I don’t want to be here with him is always a result of my not being up for it. For the reasons mentioned above, it’s hard work sometimes. If I’ve had a long day at work, or I simply am not interested, I get, “I just want to be wanted…” which devolves into a circle discussion for an hour or two. I don’t stay engaged anymore. I leave the room, get tea and just sit in the quiet. When he’s asleep, I come back to bed.

To make matters worse, when I’m interested, and I initiate, I get “I’m not a switch…” the first time I heard this my jaw dropped to the floor… rejection, sadly, is something I’m getting used to. Apparently, sex needs to be his idea. 5 years ago, a look from me and we’re off to the races. It’s an inside joke that we used sex to cure everything… even the sniffles… in some parallel universe, perhaps it cures Alzheimer’s and dementia 🤔.

@cyds OMG is right on. I think when he says the next time, "I just want to be wanted interject with a little humor and tell him, my own amyloid plaques are telling me not tonight. I know in all of this caregiving, it's really hard to find a bit of humor, but with my husband and I, we try to find it, even if I use what he has and suggest, my own memory, exhaustion, anxiety over it all, or whatever it is, is saying "not tonight." This whole caregiving thing, and MCI is not a joke, and I know that, but for us, we're trying to deal with it in whatever way we can where his feelings don't get hurt and I can still stand my own ground, of no, not tonight.

That’s heartbreaking and strangely sweet at the same time. Alzheimer’s really scrambles time and memory, so to him it may feel like he just “found” you again. I know it’s painful, but that affection means you still feel safe and familiar to him, even if the timeline is mixed up. This disease is cruel and confusing, and you’re not alone in feeling that way. 💙

@hartheritageestate I appreciate your post as the scrambling of time and memory in my husband's brain, possibly makes him feel he "found" me again and that he feels safe and familiar. That is sweet......and comforting to know because I love him and want him to always feel safe. Thank you for posting a view that lets me see it from his perspective.