Lonely and Just want to talk with virtual friends here

I sure understand the impulse to hide and at this point I think that is not a good step to take. Venture out. Continue with one foot ahead of the other, so to speak

I will write more to you soon, typing on the phone takes too much time and is in a tiny screen 😊

Thank you @ellamster for writing. I get wordy on my desktop keyboard (maybe because I still play the piano fluently lol) but the keys on my phone are too small to write much. My loneliness relates to my ambition to help (or what I think is helpful to) others. It makes me happy to succeed as much as I do. But sometimes I'm not so good at taking care of myself. My vocabulary has shrunk from using binary usage in an attempt to craft balance usage. For instance, I like to be happy but I'm aware of sadness and loneliness (disabilities put a dent in routines I took for granted). That's my idea of binary: up/down; success/failure -- well fill in your favorites. Balanced usage fits my circumstances with words like satisfying, enough, sufficiency, okay. So my day has enough enjoyment to mitigate the stressful efforts, the disappointments, the sense of missing something. By golly, enough turns out to be ... wait for it ... enough. (I love to laugh.) I do my best to live without insistent expectations or attachments. The less I demand the more satisfied I am with what is. I find pleasure in simple things, at least enough to be satisfied. Doesn't always work. But what does? Enough works for me. I find people fascinating, puzzling, and unique in their complexities and differences. Let it be, if there's enough decency and compassion to go with it. But that's a matter for a different post. All the best to you, EllAmster.

Here I am.
I can get wordy too although i noticed I recently am not as fluent as I used to be and there are typos and letters I get wrong. This is annoying 😊
I too take pleasure in small things, simple things. A flower standing in the sun or being a different colour than its siblings for instance. I don't expect anything and take it one day at the time. Being an entrepreneur though also means thinking ahead and trying to find solutions.
I used to spend hours on the phone with friends of friends who needed to talk, trying to find out why they did what they did and finding solutions to their problems.

You write you responded to me before; this thread has been a (good) deluge of responses and at some point I could no longer properly respond to everyone. Then a lot happened and I had to tackle each thing at a time. I am sorry if I missed something, did i? Let me know 😊

The hollowing out is a concern, yes. The being so tired with 'it all' and being too lonely, and even alone, to tend to all matters on my own. An arm around me would be nice, a cup of tea. I don't remember ever having been asked if I needed a cup since I left home as a teen.

Maybe loneliness is indeed more 'realistic' than being on a happy cloud filled with people, thinking they love you. I think in reality we're all alone and maybe loneliness is the realisation and expression of that, and missing social contacts to fill up the gnawing and growing hole in the heart. Maybe all those 'things' and 'products' and 'activities' are just veiling what's really going on; that we are all, always, alone, and that most make this work to not feel lonely.
I notice that when I work I don't feel it. I thrive working with others for instance, doing something. And I can really enjoy being alone! I love solitude. But the connection with others is missing. Someone to ask how I am doing, if I am happy, if I like my work. My family has never done this. As a teen, after being very sick, no one asked questions. My siblings were told to be home by midnight for instance, I wasn't told anything. I remember coming home very late and no one asked me why, no one bothered the next day, no one asked anything and they never did. I had to figure out life all by myself, which is okay. But it left me with very meager social skills and a lot of insecurities about 'being weird'.

...am not so good with words especially over 3 syllables... I suppose first people to love me , my parents. As 'LOVE' can mean so many different things; caring about; enjoy company; possessin/people; relatives; co-workers; sexual attraction; even some people love money above all else! I was not that attractive, short, but quietly pleasant so attracted a few people and had girlfriends mostly neighbours who I worked with.. then left uk came to Canada and to be truthful, never really had a solid good friend since. Oh yes, b marraige and 2 children but he loved me in a different way - 9 yrs and never a card or gift, same with children - as he loved himself the most, he told me. Then separated he followed and almost forced me to move north to where he was born... 5 hour dirve in those days, so left semi friends behind.. worked and got along with people but with 2 small children at home, him away, couldnt afford baby sitter ... and i found lot of people who said they had friends actually had lots of relatives/in-laws etc. which I didnt have. Remarried and I would say my then husbndof 40 years is my best friend as are my children and no still don't have a girlfriend to shop with or go to a movie, family cenred. ow older and ill and still with husband and children live 2 blocks away I spend a lot of time in my room and would so love to have close friends to call on the phone etc. as sometimes want to chat with non-family members. I had many many chances to become friends with women but put family and home life first... something I now regret. My regret is not making friends, keeping friends, having friends and being their friend - a precious type of love IMO.

What a great reply EllAmster. We exchanged some threads (is that what responses to a subject is called?) in the early summer. It's well into autumn now. I don't remember what I write to the several correspondents I regularly write. Just don't remember as well as I used to.

What you describe growing up about being on your own with such an absence of questions that invite, encourage and sustain relationships. I've also found how much I appreciate the interchange of ideas, the stimulation of values, of aspirations and efforts, the search for balance. Only recently have I wished for a change in nomenclature from "genitalia" to "relationalia". Corny? Perhaps. But reproduction is one (albeit important) aspect of our relationalia, relatively speaking. For sure, for millennia and longer generation was about all life provided for most people, coupled with hunting and gathering, sheltering, safety demands. Today's realities are the same but we live longer, consume more, waste more, relate for more than basic communal goals.

When I was performing on the piano, I preferred ensembles--vocal and instrumental. It was a thrill to perform the Brahms 2nd PC with my teacher on the 2nd piano, the orchestral score reduced for piano. But my paying job was in human services dealing with all kinds of people. I loved both.

I agree that loneliness, at least aloneness, is a mature reflection on our existence. But little words and thoughts are like bridges connecting our islands. Thank you for writing. I hope to keep in touch.

Looks like this is an old site is anyone still connected?

@wnbill ah, lots of us are “old” around here 🙂

How are you? You can start the conversation, and we shall see how it turns out.

Susan

I see you have received many responses to your post. They are all very helpful for your plea for help. I can add one thing. I have been there too. I was able to conquer it. I first realized my extended family were trying to get close but due to no self confidence I shut them out. I realize now that they are people I can trust. Since I opened up to them I gained self confidence. The effect has a domino effect. I have tested the water and started to try to make new friends. It worked. Now I can make new friends that continue to boost my self esteem. It helps to take a chance on one person and maybe then you will realize you are someone people want to be around. Have you tried counseling? When you are honest they can show you ways to learn to love yourself and help you to realize that others will love you too

Ellasmster, Precious one. Your post touched my heart greatly. You are loved and needed in this world more than you know. There is nobody else just like you....even down to your own fingerprints being original! I can tell you are a very hardworking intelligent & kind individual. Please take my words in the way they are intended to you and that is "kindly". I quote Proverbs 18:24 "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly" is a verse I think of. To have friends we have to be a friend to others and reach out. That can be hard to do at times. Do you think that maybe you battle social anxiety apart from work....just a thought, ok? Do you think your career may have pushed you to be "extraverted" but deep down you are more "introverted" and have a harder time putting yourself out there to make friends? I hear the loneliness in your words and it hurts my own heart. I have found there are a lot of lonely people in this world who need a friend and I believe you can be that friend for others. It takes a lot of effort to be a good friend and to make friends, but, it is so worth it. I believe there is someone waiting for a friend JUST LIKE YOU! God Bless You! Hugs & Prayers.....