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Lonely and Just want to talk with virtual friends here
Just Want to Talk | Last Active: Dec 12, 2023 | Replies (202)Comment receiving replies
Thank you @ellamster for writing. I get wordy on my desktop keyboard (maybe because I still play the piano fluently lol) but the keys on my phone are too small to write much. My loneliness relates to my ambition to help (or what I think is helpful to) others. It makes me happy to succeed as much as I do. But sometimes I'm not so good at taking care of myself. My vocabulary has shrunk from using binary usage in an attempt to craft balance usage. For instance, I like to be happy but I'm aware of sadness and loneliness (disabilities put a dent in routines I took for granted). That's my idea of binary: up/down; success/failure -- well fill in your favorites. Balanced usage fits my circumstances with words like satisfying, enough, sufficiency, okay. So my day has enough enjoyment to mitigate the stressful efforts, the disappointments, the sense of missing something. By golly, enough turns out to be ... wait for it ... enough. (I love to laugh.) I do my best to live without insistent expectations or attachments. The less I demand the more satisfied I am with what is. I find pleasure in simple things, at least enough to be satisfied. Doesn't always work. But what does? Enough works for me. I find people fascinating, puzzling, and unique in their complexities and differences. Let it be, if there's enough decency and compassion to go with it. But that's a matter for a different post. All the best to you, EllAmster.
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Here I am.
I can get wordy too although i noticed I recently am not as fluent as I used to be and there are typos and letters I get wrong. This is annoying 😊
I too take pleasure in small things, simple things. A flower standing in the sun or being a different colour than its siblings for instance. I don't expect anything and take it one day at the time. Being an entrepreneur though also means thinking ahead and trying to find solutions.
I used to spend hours on the phone with friends of friends who needed to talk, trying to find out why they did what they did and finding solutions to their problems.
You write you responded to me before; this thread has been a (good) deluge of responses and at some point I could no longer properly respond to everyone. Then a lot happened and I had to tackle each thing at a time. I am sorry if I missed something, did i? Let me know 😊
The hollowing out is a concern, yes. The being so tired with 'it all' and being too lonely, and even alone, to tend to all matters on my own. An arm around me would be nice, a cup of tea. I don't remember ever having been asked if I needed a cup since I left home as a teen.
Maybe loneliness is indeed more 'realistic' than being on a happy cloud filled with people, thinking they love you. I think in reality we're all alone and maybe loneliness is the realisation and expression of that, and missing social contacts to fill up the gnawing and growing hole in the heart. Maybe all those 'things' and 'products' and 'activities' are just veiling what's really going on; that we are all, always, alone, and that most make this work to not feel lonely.
I notice that when I work I don't feel it. I thrive working with others for instance, doing something. And I can really enjoy being alone! I love solitude. But the connection with others is missing. Someone to ask how I am doing, if I am happy, if I like my work. My family has never done this. As a teen, after being very sick, no one asked questions. My siblings were told to be home by midnight for instance, I wasn't told anything. I remember coming home very late and no one asked me why, no one bothered the next day, no one asked anything and they never did. I had to figure out life all by myself, which is okay. But it left me with very meager social skills and a lot of insecurities about 'being weird'.